Partner has gone on an all dayer ‘Wetting the baby’s head’

I do however think MN is puritanical about alcohol in a way that simply isn’t representative of real life. I wouldn’t have appreciated my husband going on a bender at that stage but a few beers with his mates would have been ok.

Most opinions here seem to be centred around disapproval than actual risk.

lol at it being “Hyacinth” to not want puke on your doorstep 😂

If it had been the mother’s puke the HV would probably have reported it.

I completely agree with you re late afternoon to home by 8:00pm!

It’s when it starts at 2:00pm and goes on and on until very late/ gone mid-night. It’s just too, too much alcohol.

Going out and getting absolutely s**tfaced is daft behaviour anyway. He didn't just go out and have a celebratory beer with his friends, he appears to have gone out and gotten utterly smashed - which is juvenile and dangerous behaviour.

I suppose the question to ask here is whether he would have happily looked after the baby and be totally chill with baby's mum heading out for the day to get utterly wasted with her friends after having first given the impression she was only popping out for a celebratory drink...not a celebratory bender. Most normal people would think that rather reckless behaviour from a mum, so why are you excusing it for a dad?

Make sure you have a day out with your friends to celebrate!! while he watches the baby.

Getting slaughtered isn't great. And isn't great that the big man has this big celebration for all the hard work he put into the creation of the baby!

OP, I would imagine he was so unfazed about how your lives would change with a baby because he was expecting you to do all the adapting & take all the responsibility while he carried on as usual.

He’s unbelievably out of order. It would be interesting to know why he broke up with his ex…

It’s up to you to decide how much crap you’re willing to put up with from him.

I think you should, at a minimum, tell him not to come home until he’s sober and no longer hungover. You don’t need to deal with that on top of a newborn.

I feel the same. What is the problem?

I am taken aback at the collective damning of this man for...what? Going out with his mates for the day?

Does he forfeit a day out because he has become a father? Lots of you seem to think so. When did that become a thing?

Will the OP and baby wither and die without his presence? What's the risk? What are you all on about??

Genuinely baffled at the strength of feeling here.

It’s dead normal in a lot of social circles where I am in North East Scotland.

And equally totally unheard of in others.

There’s a bit of accepting each others norms, even if they’re not your first choice, it theyre harmless and occasional.

Some of the replies are brilliant. I'm surprised at how many haven't heard the term before.

I wouldn't have a problem with it OP. I think a night off for a generally supportive and decent parent is a good thing. Book your spa day soon!

You poor thing.

So what do you have planned with your friends for when you wet the baby's head?

The first time DH went back to his sports hobby/club after ds was born a few of the older guys said about wetting the baby's head, he messaged me and asked if I'd prefer him to come straight home, I was fine with DS so said go ahead, he went to the pub they had one pint toasted the arrival of the baby and me being well and he came home after that pint.

He's just gone and got smashed and lied about that being his plan. I know there are some instances where marriages with children don't work out through no fault of either party, but I think a man who doesn't live with his first child/children is often a red flag.

I would do this.

Surely this tradition goes back to when Dads weren't present at the birth and weren't expected to be around to 'help' in the first days because there'd have been mothers, sisters, aunties, female neighbours etc around to get the new mum and baby settled. So the new Dad would be at a loose end and going out with his mates would be acceptable because everyone else was too busy to mind and didn't want a clueless man hanging around. That's not how things work now and couples tend to navigate their new life together. Fine to go out for a drink a couple of weeks in as long as you're happy about it. But a long session is taking the piss big time - as others have said, make sure you get the same when you want it. And make sure he's pulling his weight - after all, if he's done it all before, he's surely the expert?

Ok Hyacinth 😂

Expectations about this kind of thing vary hugely across communities, so I'm not sure how helpful MN can be. OP, only you know how far outside of acceptable behaviour this is, but it certainly wasn't in yours or the baby's interests. Maybe after a few he lost the resolve to say no to more (not great) but at least he kept in touch.

The comment about him seeming to think life wouldn't change much would possibly worry me more. I'd unpick that with him. It could be that he previously had an easy baby and was a natural at parenting who took it all in his stride or, more likely, had a partner who did everything to make sure his life wasn't disrupted.

Yeah my ex went out and continued to do so every weekend. Hence the ex. I do not know how people go on all day benders I’d be asleep by 3. I’d never be with a drinker again ever. I like a couple of drinks but could not tolerate someone coming in pissed from all day drinking baby or not.

Why hadn't he cleared it up?

Your standards are very different to anyone else's I know

Maybe I'm just dead rough and Northern but I don't see an issue with this as a one-off. It's still a tradition in many places (and actual lol at the pp who thought they took the baby with them and poured booze on their head!)

It needs to be seen as part of a bigger picture though. If the DH is home and an active, hands-on, loving and supportive parent the rest of the time then in my view a day out in the pub is fine. I'd have got my mates round while DH was out; had a lazy day with coffee and cake etc. Would have quite enjoyed it on the proviso he looks after himself when he gets home and is up ready to function the following morning.

But if this is part of a bigger picture of binge drinking and being a shit and absent dad, then that's a very different thing and needs to be tackled, now.

Ew. And I said everything with that.

No be need to minimise getting plastered for 12 hours while your upset partner is at home with your 2 week old newborn as ‘socialising’.

Sounds like something a shitty man would come up with.

Some women expect so heartbreakingly little from life.

Nowhere in the “parenting manual” does it say that when you become a parent your social life stops, you aren’t allowed to have fun or meet up with friends and have a drink!

i love a night out with friends just because I’m a parent doesn’t mean I have to stay at home every day and night.