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Original poster

Partner has gone on an all dayer ‘Wetting the baby’s head’

286 replies

OverTheRainbow22 · 17/05/2025 22:03

My partner has been a new Dad before as he has a child from a previous relationship. He has been supportive through the pregnancy but also quite nonchalant in terms of any anxiousness I had about how life would change, says we will quickly adapt and it’s nothing to worry about and he’s been there and done it before.

He said it’s tradition in his friendship group to go out and wet the baby’s head. This was set for today as our baby is now more settled in and I’m finding my feet after a challenging first couple of weeks.

He said he was going to the pub for a gathering his best friend arranged but they actually got the train to another town nearby. He is not going to be back for another half hour or so, and went out early afternoon. Based on his messages, he is pretty slaughtered too.

I’m unimpressed to say the least given I was led to believe he’d be a couple of hours. Is this extreme by ‘wetting the baby’s head’ standards or should I let it go and ‘bank’ an outing for myself?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 18/05/2025 15:38

2chocolateoranges · 18/05/2025 14:46

I know, it makes me laugh. I’m probably out more than dh is.

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At two weeks post partum?

I couldn't even walk

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 15:37

Didimum · 18/05/2025 15:25

That or your standards are way off. More likely the latter.

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Because they have a healthy attitude toward parenting? Nothing wrong with either party having the odd day off.

Nanny0gg · 18/05/2025 15:36

KarCat · 18/05/2025 10:48

Ok Hyacinth 😂

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If that's your reaction to someone who doesn't think leaving vomit on your doorstep for 24 hours for others to step over I'll take that name with pride. Don't even think Onslow would be as revolting

Didimum · 18/05/2025 15:25

Ihopeyouhavent · 18/05/2025 15:07

Blimey you're dramtic.

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That or your standards are way off. More likely the latter.

ChaToilLeam · 18/05/2025 15:17

I hope you've read him the riot act, OP! What a twit he is!

Bumblingbee101 · 18/05/2025 15:13

Do you have anyone nearby OP that can support you if you need it? It's very outdated and regardless of whether he has done it before this is a different relationship, a new baby etc and he should have considered this not be stuck in the past. Just because he has done it all before how did it all turn out? Hopefully ok!

Barnbrack · 18/05/2025 15:12

My husband and his pals wet the babies heads. They went across the road and had a single pint 1 afternoon about 8 weeks in. Then came back and had a civilsed visit on the house. Like normal people

Whatafustercluck · 18/05/2025 15:09

TheInternetNeverForgets · 18/05/2025 11:21

lol at it being “Hyacinth” to not want puke on your doorstep 😂

If it had been the mother’s puke the HV would probably have reported it.

Indeed. But then to be fair, puking on the doorstep and leaving it for the health visitor is very Daisy/ Onslo.

DorothyStorm · 18/05/2025 15:09

OverTheRainbow22 · 17/05/2025 22:08

Yes, and I haven’t ever really indulged in the tradition to be honest, I’d prefer a spa day !

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Then book your spa day.

Ihopeyouhavent · 18/05/2025 15:07

Didimum · 18/05/2025 13:22

This is minimising it for what I can only assume is the intent to make the OP appear somehow draconian and controlling. How about she’s two weeks PP and simply telling her partner what she needs at this point in time? Eg, hold off on 12hr piss ups just for now.

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Blimey you're dramtic.

madaboutpurple · 18/05/2025 15:07

I agree, your DH needs to be told he is to look after baby for a day when you go out.

Hufflemuff · 18/05/2025 15:03

OverTheRainbow22 · 17/05/2025 22:08

Yes, and I haven’t ever really indulged in the tradition to be honest, I’d prefer a spa day !

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So then book a spa day and let him have the baby?

This type of thing is only a problem if its one sided. If he's perfectly happy for you to be able to go out and let your hair down too - then that's actually quite healthy. What isn't healthy is point scoring and becoming resentful of one another having time outside the home with friends.

I realise that this is a stretch to imply you are not healthy, because you're pissed off he's gone out all day/night when you have a very young baby at home... but in general don't let the world of Mumsnet convince you that your new DP is going to be an awful parent and partner to you because he's gone on one night out.

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 15:01

pinkpedi · 18/05/2025 14:40

I think you and everyone else are totally over reacting! I agree with @Riaanna and as long as he looks after baby when you want some time with friends too.
Mumsnet is sooo bloody uptight and man hating sometimes (most of the time).
Newborns are generally easy anyway. How do you think single parents manage?
Sounds like jealousy/spite/controlling to me

This!

My husband went to Chicago when I was 3 weeks post partum with a 3 year and an infant. And I had a c section. No big deal as far as I was concerned. Sure if it was a pattern of disengaged parenting but that isn’t what is being described here. Few weeks old is the easy bit!

Ihopeyouhavent · 18/05/2025 15:00

MyOliveHelper · 18/05/2025 08:46

You know not everyone feels slighted and abandoned by something like this. You're speaking as if because you'd be left feeling like you can't cope, everyone would, and everyone requires the constant presence and support of their partner after a baby. With all the love in the world, it really isnt that kind of deal for a lot of us. We don't need our men gazing at us adoringly and rushing to make sure we don't dare walk a few steps after our "horrific ordeal".

It seems like you really need a lot of support and help to care for yourself and your baby properly after birth. Not all of us need that, or want it, so we aren't as aggrieved by an evening (or night) out as you are. We know that our partners will play the role we expect them to, as that's why we are together. We aren't in relationships where we are unsure if the guy will show up for us.

It seems like women nowadays are completely dependent on the presence of a man to feel confident and safe enough to look after a baby. Either that or they are so resentful of being the pregnant party, the breastfeeding one, that they want their partners to feel equally as restricted by parenthood as they are, in exactly the same ways. And if they don't submit to that, then they must not care.

If you didn't want to be the mother of a baby, you shouldn't have had one. Adopt an older kid that you don't have to conceive, gestate and nourish.

One night out to wet the baby's head wouldn't bother you if you were competent, rational, and reasonable as a mother and partner.

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Finally, some common sense!!

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 14:59

Didimum · 18/05/2025 14:33

It’s been 2 weeks. It can wait.

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That didn’t actually answer my questions.

Didimum · 18/05/2025 14:53

missmollygreen · 18/05/2025 14:45

A man who enjoys going for a few drinks with his mates?
Oh the horror!

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A woman who needs added support from her partner two weeks post partum! The injustice!

Abitlosttoday · 18/05/2025 14:53

OrangeCrushes · 17/05/2025 22:05

This sounds weird and dangerous. All is probably fine, but it's really irresponsible behaviour. I have literally never heard of it.

You must be quite young. It used to be standard practice that a new dad would go out and 'wet the baby's head', which just means having a few (too many?) drinks to mark the birth. People drink less now and dads are more expected to be present and hands-on.

Didimum · 18/05/2025 14:52

pinkpedi · 18/05/2025 14:40

I think you and everyone else are totally over reacting! I agree with @Riaanna and as long as he looks after baby when you want some time with friends too.
Mumsnet is sooo bloody uptight and man hating sometimes (most of the time).
Newborns are generally easy anyway. How do you think single parents manage?
Sounds like jealousy/spite/controlling to me

So screw what the brand new mother feels like she needs for support? Got it.

Single parents struggle so she must too. Got it.

Maybe she doesn’t want time out with friends. Maybe she’s sore and bleeding and sleep deprived and overwhelmed and wants her life partner and father of her child to forego all day piss ups right now. But that’s ‘spiteful’. Got it.

While this dad of the year over here actually lies to OP about where he’s going and how long he’ll be. Awesome.

2chocolateoranges · 18/05/2025 14:46

missmollygreen · 18/05/2025 14:45

A man who enjoys going for a few drinks with his mates?
Oh the horror!

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I know, it makes me laugh. I’m probably out more than dh is.

missmollygreen · 18/05/2025 14:45

Didimum · 17/05/2025 22:08

Well. Now you know the type of man you’ve had a baby with. What are you going to do about it?

A man who enjoys going for a few drinks with his mates?
Oh the horror!

Annascaul · 18/05/2025 14:43

KarCat · 18/05/2025 13:40

Save your pity for someone that needs it sweetheart.

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I do.

pinkpedi · 18/05/2025 14:40

I think you and everyone else are totally over reacting! I agree with @Riaanna and as long as he looks after baby when you want some time with friends too.
Mumsnet is sooo bloody uptight and man hating sometimes (most of the time).
Newborns are generally easy anyway. How do you think single parents manage?
Sounds like jealousy/spite/controlling to me

Didimum · 18/05/2025 14:33

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 14:07

At what point is it ok to go out? Likely honestly I am not following this? What is going to happen when he’s at work all day? It’s fed back as a one off not every weekend situation. It’s a bloke who’s going out with mates. When is he (and her) able to go out without it being “bang of order” and what are the criteria for when it is ok? It’s one day. So what?

It’s been 2 weeks. It can wait.

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 14:07

At what point is it ok to go out? Likely honestly I am not following this? What is going to happen when he’s at work all day? It’s fed back as a one off not every weekend situation. It’s a bloke who’s going out with mates. When is he (and her) able to go out without it being “bang of order” and what are the criteria for when it is ok? It’s one day. So what?

Reetpetitenot · 18/05/2025 14:03

Surely 'wetting the baby's head' is about a congratulatory drink with the parents, not an excuse for the father to go on an all day bender.?