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Original poster

Partner has gone on an all dayer ‘Wetting the baby’s head’

286 replies

OverTheRainbow22 · 17/05/2025 22:03

My partner has been a new Dad before as he has a child from a previous relationship. He has been supportive through the pregnancy but also quite nonchalant in terms of any anxiousness I had about how life would change, says we will quickly adapt and it’s nothing to worry about and he’s been there and done it before.

He said it’s tradition in his friendship group to go out and wet the baby’s head. This was set for today as our baby is now more settled in and I’m finding my feet after a challenging first couple of weeks.

He said he was going to the pub for a gathering his best friend arranged but they actually got the train to another town nearby. He is not going to be back for another half hour or so, and went out early afternoon. Based on his messages, he is pretty slaughtered too.

I’m unimpressed to say the least given I was led to believe he’d be a couple of hours. Is this extreme by ‘wetting the baby’s head’ standards or should I let it go and ‘bank’ an outing for myself?

OP posts:
Didimum · 18/05/2025 18:38

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 18:01

That isn’t what this is. I didn’t manage on my own. I was quite fine. And you know what. So was my husband. You don’t both need to be there all of the time. It’s fine for you both to take time out.

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Who has said it’s not fine to take time out?

5128gap · 18/05/2025 18:24

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 18:01

That isn’t what this is. I didn’t manage on my own. I was quite fine. And you know what. So was my husband. You don’t both need to be there all of the time. It’s fine for you both to take time out.

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Its fine for both to take time out when the other person is happy to do double duty to facilitate it, and when you've done them the courtesy of being honest about what you want to do, so they know what to expect and can agree to covering for you. Going out for a couple of drinks and ending up making a drunken night of it, leaving the other person with no choice but to pick up your share of the responsibility is not fine. Objecting is entirely reasonable and no reflection on your ability to parent. In much the same way if your colleague dropped their work in your lap and went home at 10am, being annoyed with them wouldn't mean you were incompetent at your job.

Redpeach · 18/05/2025 18:18

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 18:01

That isn’t what this is. I didn’t manage on my own. I was quite fine. And you know what. So was my husband. You don’t both need to be there all of the time. It’s fine for you both to take time out.

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At a strip club?

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 18:01

5128gap · 18/05/2025 17:56

Can't believe that in 2025 there's still women falling for the 'good competent mothers can cope on their own' scam. Sitting around patting themselves on the back because they can manage their new born so they don't have to inconvenience their partner when he wants to go on the piss. For the avoidance of doubt, it's not about being unable to cope. It's about why should you have to? If you're genuinely happy that your child's father goes out for a couple of drinks and gets so drunk he's useless and you have to do it all - well, it takes all sorts, so go at it. But trying to shame other women who wouldnt put up with it as less capable is just being a bit of a useful idiot.

That isn’t what this is. I didn’t manage on my own. I was quite fine. And you know what. So was my husband. You don’t both need to be there all of the time. It’s fine for you both to take time out.

thepariscrimefiles · 18/05/2025 17:57

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 15:49

I was out and about at 2 weeks with a 3 year old, 2 year old, post c section and a broken leg.

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It's like the Four Yorkshire Men round here.

5128gap · 18/05/2025 17:56

Can't believe that in 2025 there's still women falling for the 'good competent mothers can cope on their own' scam. Sitting around patting themselves on the back because they can manage their new born so they don't have to inconvenience their partner when he wants to go on the piss. For the avoidance of doubt, it's not about being unable to cope. It's about why should you have to? If you're genuinely happy that your child's father goes out for a couple of drinks and gets so drunk he's useless and you have to do it all - well, it takes all sorts, so go at it. But trying to shame other women who wouldnt put up with it as less capable is just being a bit of a useful idiot.

thepariscrimefiles · 18/05/2025 17:54

OverTheRainbow22 · 18/05/2025 16:25

Sorry for the lack of replies today. He didn’t return until just gone midnight and I’ve since learn the group he was with went to a strip club. He tells me this was because it was the only place they could get in and it was just for drinks and nothing more….

What a lovely tradition and way to celebrate the birth of his baby by looking at other women's tits. It's quite heartwarming.

KarCat · 18/05/2025 17:49

tuvamoodyson · 18/05/2025 15:56

Being supportive of his child makes him an amazing dad?? Right…I thought that came with the territory, y’know l, just being a parent 🤷🏼‍♀️

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I don’t have the motivation to list to you all the ways he is a great dad.
You’re obviously a deeply sad individual, desperate for an argument.
Bore off and pick it with someone else.

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 17:30

Redpeach · 18/05/2025 17:23

Well i suppose there's alot of lifting up at strip clubs

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Sorry you’re right. We must all sit around and sulk.

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 17:23

Didimum · 18/05/2025 17:21

She’s still upset and find it unacceptable. Read the post.

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I did. Which is more than many others.

Redpeach · 18/05/2025 17:23

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 16:56

No. I did. Both children. With various significant complications relating to child birth and a broken leg. I’m not a hero. I just got on with it. He was back at work 10 days post partum anyway. And I recognised that he was also finding it hard so needed time. If I could have I would have but I believe in lifting people up.

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Well i suppose there's alot of lifting up at strip clubs

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 17:23

Didimum · 18/05/2025 17:18

It’s of precisely zero relevance what you are or are not OK with in your relationship.

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So tell that to the person who made the dig in the first place.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 18/05/2025 17:22

' He tells me this was because it was the only place they could get in '

and why would that be ?

were they so drunk it was the only place that allowed them in ?

at that time it's not as if everywhere else was closed / closing

Didimum · 18/05/2025 17:21

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 17:12

She’s asking to bank the day. Read the post.

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She’s still upset and find it unacceptable. Read the post.

Didimum · 18/05/2025 17:20

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 17:00

Which is pretty typical of most people when they go out drinking. If it’s not a pattern and a one off so what?

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No, it’s not typical to go out getting wankered for 12 hours. Check your standards (and perhaps your alcohol levels).

Barnbrack · 18/05/2025 17:19

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 16:57

Been to one since I had kids too. Not sure what the big deal is. But that’s us. I don’t feel the need to make people suffer - particularly my husband - just for the sake of it. If I actually needed him of course. But talk of banking the day isn’t talk of someone needing it.

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You consider it suffering to expect a father to be with his child while he can when they're a newborn? Why is that suffering?

I'm not at all surprised you're so cool you go to strip clubs. I don't know that you think very deeply do you? Probably makes life easier.

Bababear987 · 18/05/2025 17:19

Honestly OP I'd be raging with this, it's just totally scummy and very disrespectful to you. Its certainly not normal new dad behaviour, my husband wouldnt have even wanted to go out drinking that soon after bringing a baby home. I would be having a serious word.

Didimum · 18/05/2025 17:18

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 16:37

Strip club? Yep. No issue with that either.

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It’s of precisely zero relevance what you are or are not OK with in your relationship.

Didimum · 18/05/2025 17:17

OverTheRainbow22 · 18/05/2025 16:25

Sorry for the lack of replies today. He didn’t return until just gone midnight and I’ve since learn the group he was with went to a strip club. He tells me this was because it was the only place they could get in and it was just for drinks and nothing more….

I’m so sorry, OP. I really hope you have some other solid support around you. Are you able to go stay with a family member for a couple of days so you can get some support and get your head round this?

Didimum · 18/05/2025 17:16

pinkpedi · 18/05/2025 16:17

Surely if she was really struggling it would be obvious to her husband, or you know she could have asked him not to go out/come home, or she could have rallied in other support. She sounds like a princess who needs to get a grip, being a mother has many challenges and this isn't one.
if she's struggling now god help her in time, 2 wk olds feed and sleep, that's it!
@Didimum gosh you sound very hard work! Are you single?

No. I’m very happily married for 15yrs with a DH who didn’t prioritise getting wankered for 12hrs while I was at home with our two 2-week old newborns.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 18/05/2025 17:13

Now we're learning why he's onto his second 'baby mama'.

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 17:12

Didimum · 18/05/2025 17:04

Well your bar or your (presumably child free) 21yr old daughter’s bar isn’t high enough for OP, who is perfectly reasonable in expecting and asking for more support at 2 weeks PP.

I hope you offer your daughter more support if she ever gets upset that the father of her 2 week old misleads her as to where is is going and how long for to get wankered for 12 hours.

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She’s asking to bank the day. Read the post.

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 17:11

Didimum · 18/05/2025 17:01

What’s any of that got to do with how the OP feels?

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The same as all those ignoring her comment about “banking the day” and telling her he’s the most awful person ever? Suppose she’s a balanced individual thinking “ooooh he had a day, I’m booking the spa” only to be met with endless posts about awful it is to leave someone alone with a baby at only 2 weeks even though (presumably) he’s back to work soon and she will be alone?

Again, it’s a baby. You can be a parent alone. You can parent together. It’s fine and healthy to want to go out. It’s fine and healthy to need your partner. There are too many people projecting their own negative experiences - standard mumsnet - rather than reading the actual post. There’s no mention of not coping. Of struggling. There’s mention of banking the day.

Didimum · 18/05/2025 17:04

2chocolateoranges · 18/05/2025 16:01

I meant in general!

though I was still out and about walking with my baby in the pram after a week as dh only got a weeks paternity leave then .

everyone is different.

and as for @Didimum my bar is set very high, even my daughter says she admires how high my bar is for relationships, friendships etc.She says it’s set her up for friendships and boyfriends and how little she tolerates certain things as I’ve set such a good example. The wise words of a 21 year old.

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Well your bar or your (presumably child free) 21yr old daughter’s bar isn’t high enough for OP, who is perfectly reasonable in expecting and asking for more support at 2 weeks PP.

I hope you offer your daughter more support if she ever gets upset that the father of her 2 week old misleads her as to where is is going and how long for to get wankered for 12 hours.

Didimum · 18/05/2025 17:01

Riaanna · 18/05/2025 15:49

I was out and about at 2 weeks with a 3 year old, 2 year old, post c section and a broken leg.

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What’s any of that got to do with how the OP feels?