Partner has gone on an all dayer ‘Wetting the baby’s head’

Let's see..
Scenario 1 - partner says he's going for a couple of drinks. He goes, comes home after a couple and picks up his share of the childcare. You know you've had a baby with a reliable man who can be trusted to do as he says.
Scenario 2 - partner says he's going for a couple of drinks. He goes, then doesn't come home until he's drunk senseless and has visited a strip club. He's useless for the baby, so you're on your own there. But! You have the compensation of knowing you can look after your child on your own and are not controlling. Yay.
I'm really torn between which of the two is most appealing....

It’s not controlling to want to know when your partner will be back.
Its not controlling to be annoyed at your partner to not keep to his word
Its not controlling to not be happy to see your partner going to a strip club
Its not controlling to see your partner coming back totally wasted, which means they’ll be a write off the next day when they were suppose to support you.

Going out is ok.
Getting drunk is ok.
But that’s not what happened there.

If he wanted to go out forvtye whole evening and have a ‘good time’, he should have agreed with the OP first. Not say one thing, knowing she’ll say yes agd then do the other, because he knew it was more problematic. That's call manipulation.

As for the strip club, ….

Agree.
I really wouldn’t want @cramptramp ’s life, it sounds utterly dismal.

I'd rather be called controlling by a random on MN than have a partner who told me he was going for a couple of drinks then ended up out all day and at a strip club. Imo, life is far nicer for women who can trust their partner to be where he says he's going to be, to support them with a new born baby, and to avoid exploiting other women than it is for those putting up with all that and calling other women names to cheer themselves up.

He went to a strip club while ‘wetting the baby’s bead’? He’s scum.

The strip club is completely unacceptable.

However, wetting the babies head used to be a big thing when my DCs were born (24 years ago). DH did it whilst I was still in hospital after a C section (twins), to minimise any disruption to us but I wouldn't have minded if he'd gone out when we were home. We've both always had our own separate social lives as well as doing things together.

Got to love it when people consider wider context and contributions.

I had about how life would change, says we will quickly adapt and it’s nothing to worry about
what youve found out is he has no concerns as he doesnt expect his life to change at all.

Well that’s bollocks.

Seems he and his group of mates will use any excuse for a piss up. I guess if this is a once or twice a year thing it is bearable. Timing awful though & I would be furious. Watch out for it going the way of some I know - disappearing off for days with no warning. That rarely gets better ime. Also does display a lack of understanding of responsibility towards family (above mates). I hope it was a one off.

I didnt assume all men are rubbish. Just the ones married to ones who think it is normal for theirs to go to a strip club when you have a newborn at home.

Again shitty assumption. Why assume all men are rubbish? Does it make you feel better about your life?

That isn’t what this is.

Not everyone has the same experience of child birth or parenting or marriage. There isn’t sufficient information within this thread to reach someone of the assumptions. If he does this all the time and contributes nothing parenting wise - not ok - if actually he is a parent who turns up and delivers who went out and got carried away as an isolated incident so what? What is the big deal? That makes someone a pick me? Give over.

They have to be to justified staying with their shitty men

Wetting the babies head was an excuse to get dad out of the room and the way of the mother giving birth. It’s no longer useful or necessary.

I didn't think " wetting the babies head" was still a thing.

And even when it was a norm it was about having a drink with friends and family to actually celebrate the birth of the child. It certainly wasn't about going on all day benders and going to strip clubs.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour by your partner OP. He's shown you totally no respect. And actually no respect for your wee baby because getting drunk and ogling naked women and goodness what else he got up to was obviously more important to.him than his new child.

I agree with the pp who suggested you take the baby and stay with friends or family while you think about what has happened.

This won't be the first time or the last your partner goes on benders and goes to strip clubs/ lap dancing clubs. And you really need to think about your relationship going forward.

The extended lash session would seriously irritate me but not a deal breaker. I tend to avoid relationships with people who like to drink in that way though. The strip club on the other hand...

If the only place serving drinks is a strip club and you are a decent man, then out of respect for your partner and just because, you go home at that point. Even more ridiculous that celebrating the birth of a new baby requires a strip club. I would be beyond outraged and ask him.for space to think while I decide what the next steps are going to be. Sorry Op.

The idea that women with partners and newborn babies should feel proud about how they coped singlehandedly while their partners were out drinking or at strip clubs is just sad. I mean why would you be proud of doing this? Why aren't you a bit embarassed or regretful that your partner is so thoughtless? It is like those women who have c-sections and boasting that they were hanging out the washing three days later. Women can do these things - it doesn't mean they should have to do those things if they have a partner or husband. And the explanation that the only place they could get a drink was a strip club - bearing in mind that they actually travelled to another town - is just insulting. He'll be telling you next he kept his eyes shut tight while getting drunk there.

Anyone who thinks this is fine after reading OP’s update must have a bar so low it can’t be off the ground, and god hope they aren’t bringing up DC to think this is the right way to behave after a baby is born, either for a son to think he is okay to do this as a new father and for a daughter to accept such behaviour

it is not controlling to expect the man who chose to have a baby with you to make that baby his focus in its first few weeks of life, and his overall priority for the next 18 years. Nor is it controlling to have normal healthy boundaries. I don’t want my partner going to strip clubs. I’d be very upset and he knows it. If he went to one a few weeks after I’d used my body to birth our baby, our marriage would immediately be on the rocks as doing that shows no respect for me and the role I’ve played in our family.

12 hour bender and a strip club? Wow, just wow. I bet also shirking responsibilities today too as hungover? Fucking hell

OP I am sorry that your husband did this. It’s pretty disgusting behaviour. But no doubt the low of bar ‘cool mums’ here will say it’s just fine and get yourself down to watch the Chippendales.

I thought that as well!

Yes. The ‘pick me’ women are out and about on this thread.

He’s gone out with his friends to drink alcohol and get drunk. So what? It doesn’t matter about the reason, both he and you are entitled to go out with friends and do what you want. A lot of very controlling women on here.

You've never heard of wetting the babies head? 😂

Have you heard of christenings when the baby literally gets water poured on their heads?