Hi Mumsnet.
I have a very strained relationship with my sister in law due to a serious familial incident.
Had she been a friend I would have stopped all contact, however she is my husband's sister.
Over the years I have been civil for my husbands sake and have limited myself to only seeing her when necessary (birthdays, Xmas etc). On occasion when she has asked I have babysat too, I love seeing my twin nephews. I would've loved to have been more involved as their auntie but find my SIL too damaging to my own metal health after a serious familial incident (cause by a member of her family, against a member of mine).
(My husband and his sister could meet up regularly, or he could visit her house, but they do not do this).
SIL has mostly been out of our family lives (apart from keeping in touch with her brother, my husband, by text or phone) over the past 4 years, and we've only seen her in person on special occasions.
Recently though, she has invited herself to our holiday home. Husband asked me to put up with it for his sake, which I have done. Although it really annoys me and makes me feel like we're being used (I'm so grateful for what we have, but I feel it's pretty obvious sister in law is only there to enjoy the goods).
Sister in law is saying that she wants to visit us at our holiday home more often. The thought of this has made me really unhappy as I find her really unpleasant to be around (treats my children different, takes over our holiday home as if it was her own, only nice to me Infront of my husband). Also, more importantly, due to the seriousness of our past familial incident and sister in laws undermining of it and general sweeping of it under the carpet, I cannot be more than just civil and keep her at arms length. I cannot forgive her and the whole thing plays over in my mind, every time I see her.
I do not want to hurt my husband, but I have been honest in the fact that I do not see eye to eye with his sister or like some of her behaviours.
Am I being unreasonable to say that I do not want her to visit us more than once per month?
As my husband would like to be a part of his nephews lives, and still loves his sister I think I would be unreasonable to suggest she didn't visit us there at all.
He is very generous and knows that his sister loves our hot tub (she is not as well off and he likes to treat her).