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Original poster

Being referred to as “that”

39 replies

TsunamiSurfer · 17/05/2025 21:04

Sent a photo edited to say of me to an opposite sex friend.
we are best buddies, or so I thought.
they responded with “I was with that earlier”

thoughts?

lost in written translation?

or disrespectful?

won’t ultimately effect our friendship but I figured enough to garner your thoughts

OP posts:
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untilido · 18/05/2025 07:41

Init4thecatz · 17/05/2025 21:42

Also, to clear up for people (feel free to correct me, OP, if I've misinterpreted it too!)...

Male friend of OP sent a picture of OP to his friend saying "I was with that earlier".

OP sent the picture to her friend, he responded to her.

neilyoungismyhero · 17/05/2025 22:11

I wouldn't treat it as a compliment tbh. Sounds rude and disrespectful.

MyOliveHelper · 17/05/2025 21:56

You know I've met two women in my life who regularly refer to people as "that". One woman had 4 kids (we trained together) and used to always say "that" instead of he or she about them, it used to always startle me. Another woman I met when I qualified, she was non-clinical staff at the hospital.

The thing was, they were both from the same area of the SouthEast - not far but also not really near to us. Similar age and background too.

I always associated it with dehumanising a person but with these people, it was like they'd be more inclined to do it when they loved the person dearly. I think about it often but have never really spoken about it with anyone else!

healthybychristmas · 17/05/2025 21:50

Why are you still in touch with him if he has behaved in a really bad way previously? He doesn't deserve your friendship. Set your boundaries higher than this.

GoodVibesHere · 17/05/2025 21:46

Init4thecatz · 17/05/2025 21:42

Also, to clear up for people (feel free to correct me, OP, if I've misinterpreted it too!)...

Male friend of OP sent a picture of OP to his friend saying "I was with that earlier".

No I don't think that's correct. He sent the message to OP, I think.

What a confusing OP though. I've read it several times and...yeh, I'm lost!

Init4thecatz · 17/05/2025 21:42

Also, to clear up for people (feel free to correct me, OP, if I've misinterpreted it too!)...

Male friend of OP sent a picture of OP to his friend saying "I was with that earlier".

feelingbleh · 17/05/2025 21:38

I would say it was typo/autocorrect and he meant i was on that earlier meaning the wine

untilido · 17/05/2025 21:38

Were you with him earlier? You haven’t said

Notsosure1 · 17/05/2025 21:34

Also - maybe if he was referring to you - he meant to send to a different friend about you? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Todayisaday · 17/05/2025 21:34

Your post doesnt make sense. Can you clarify

AtlanticSeal · 17/05/2025 21:33

OP, I know you're saying that everyone's interpretation is helpful, but you're getting a massive range of different interpretations because you haven't exactly made it clear what actually happened and in what context.

Notsosure1 · 17/05/2025 21:32

Ah maybe they mean they were with that too as in a glass of wine?

That’s why it’s always good to seek clarity from the horse’s mouth as it were - can you? We all want to know! 😂

Init4thecatz · 17/05/2025 21:30

When guys send this to guys it basically means 'check out who I was with'.

It's essentially showing off.

It's a compliment (you're clearly very attractive/sexy in his eyes).

BUT, it is inferred that more probably happened. The usual interpretation of this is 'check out who I f**d'.

So yes, disrespectful, but in his eyes, meant as a huge brag. If you were with him just as a friend, and nothing happened, then he is simply boasting about how beautiful you are, and that you graced him with your presence... but guys would interpret that comment as 'more'.

Original poster
TsunamiSurfer · 17/05/2025 21:21

Springsprung2 · 17/05/2025 21:19

Yes as pp I would read think the ‘that’ referred to the wine. Perhaps a little clumsily written but I would’ve assumed harmless. You know your friend though

Thank you

its all so useful

guessing everyone’s gathered there’s been previous (definite inexcusable and disrespectful) behaviour

turned a corner lately so this threw me (perhaps hyper sensitive)

really appreciate all of your input and time everyone

OP posts:
Original poster
TsunamiSurfer · 17/05/2025 21:19

KittytheHare · 17/05/2025 21:18

Or is it a typo? Maybe he meant to say “I was at that earlier” meaning drinking wine?

Excellent point - thank you!

OP posts:
Springsprung2 · 17/05/2025 21:19

Yes as pp I would read think the ‘that’ referred to the wine. Perhaps a little clumsily written but I would’ve assumed harmless. You know your friend though

Original poster
TsunamiSurfer · 17/05/2025 21:18

abracadabra1980 · 17/05/2025 21:16

Sorry - I just don't understand this post.

Apologies, trying to go incognito, just confused the majority including myself!

thanks for your input and feedback

OP posts:
KittytheHare · 17/05/2025 21:18

Or is it a typo? Maybe he meant to say “I was at that earlier” meaning drinking wine?

Original poster
TsunamiSurfer · 17/05/2025 21:17

MoodSwingSet · 17/05/2025 21:16

you sent a pic of you drinking wine? I would understand 'that' refers to wine, not you

Excellent point lol - but it was definitely me (I think…) you’ve made me smile and rethink my perspective - Thank you!

OP posts:
abracadabra1980 · 17/05/2025 21:16

Sorry - I just don't understand this post.

Original poster
TsunamiSurfer · 17/05/2025 21:16

Lancrelady80 · 17/05/2025 21:14

Is he basically going "phwoar, look at you, I was with you earlier wink wink" and trying (but failing) to be complimentary about you by pretending to talk as he would do to another guy? 🤮

Call him out on it. "That?! Is that how you refer to me? Pretty disrespectful, don't you think? Please don't do that again, I do NOT appreciate being objectified."

Thank you, mega useful perspective and advice! X

OP posts:
MoodSwingSet · 17/05/2025 21:16

you sent a pic of you drinking wine? I would understand 'that' refers to wine, not you

Original poster
TsunamiSurfer · 17/05/2025 21:15

SoManyIdiotsSoLittleTime · 17/05/2025 21:07

Is English their first language?

yes…

OP posts:
Lancrelady80 · 17/05/2025 21:14

Is he basically going "phwoar, look at you, I was with you earlier wink wink" and trying (but failing) to be complimentary about you by pretending to talk as he would do to another guy? 🤮

Call him out on it. "That?! Is that how you refer to me? Pretty disrespectful, don't you think? Please don't do that again, I do NOT appreciate being objectified."

Original poster
TsunamiSurfer · 17/05/2025 21:14

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 17/05/2025 21:11

X post with you.

Well, if you're thinking he's being a twat you're probably right. You know him and you know he's got a history of being a bit of a twat at times.

If it was me I'd message him back saying don't be a cunt

Edited

Thank you, just what I’m thinking in my gut but I’m too emotionally invested to dissect it all

OP posts:
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