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Original poster

To drift apart from pre-motherhood friends?

53 replies

jssc · 17/05/2025 20:59

I’m 30, a SAHM with a toddler and currently pregnant with number two. I’ve always dreamt of having children and find motherhood more fulfilling than any job I’ve had.

Lately though, I’ve found keeping in touch with non-mum friends increasingly like a chore, and I feel guilty about it. For example, my maid of honour is my uni bestie and an all-round lovely person, but our recent lunches or theatre trips just leave me feeling a bit… flat. I’d rather put my daughter to bed, read her bedtime stories and be cozied up on the sofa by 9pm with my husband, than out watching a show and making conversation. Our texts used to be fun, now responding to them feels like another thing on my to do list: “Here’s a jacket I bought,” “My cousin’s new boyfriend,” “Ugh, hate my boyfriend’s mum,” “Look, I made fajitas!” All topics is excitedly respond to a few years ago.

Same with an old work friend—she’s lovely, and I enjoy the occasional update (new house, ex-colleague gossip), but anything more than a yearly catch-up feels like effort I don’t have.

These were people I once couldn’t imagine life without, and now I find myself preferring time with mum friends I’d only met in the last few years. Maybe because our chats—about schools, sleep regressions, or local events—just feel more relevant. Watching our kids play and chatter melts my heart. I also spend a lot of time with my parents, in-laws, and my SIL who has a little one too.

But part of me wonders—am I being unfair? Is it wrong to drift from people just because we’re in different phases of life? Should I be trying harder to maintain those pre-mum friendships now, in case I feel their absence once the chaos settles and the kids are in school? Will the mum friends still be around then?

Would love to hear from anyone who’s been through this—what did you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
jssc · 17/05/2025 21:07

@Growlybear83
in a way, I wish that was me. I wish I’d enjoy the pre motherhood chats that I used to have a bit more.

im aware it’s a me issue, not the friends issue, because I have changed and the friends are the same lovely people they were before, bringing up the same topics and meet up places we’ve always bonded over.

OP posts:
PlanetOtter · 17/05/2025 21:07

Just remember that your children won’t always be tiny, and one day (sooner than you might expect). You might really value a friendship that’s deeply rooted in you, not them. Don’t cut yourself off from what is probably really solid support just because it’s not your focus right now.

Also consider that these people will have put a lot into you. Cutting them off because they’re not currently convenient might not be the nicest thing to do.

Growlybear83 · 17/05/2025 21:04

I found my pre baby friends became even more valuable once I’d had my daughter. I loved every minute I spent with her, but when I was socialising, either with or without her, the last thing I wanted was to spend time with other women who wanted to talk about their babies and I was very conscious that I didn’t want to turn into the sort of baby bore that I’d come across in the past. I really didn’t enjoy mother and toddler groups and the non stop talk about babies and children, and was bored rigid whenever I went.