Party pooper - How to respond?

But it was an extremely nasty thing to do….surely you can see that ?

If you are incapable of seeing that then it truly says a lot about you

I agree with PP suggestion that you join in the game yourself. We've had a few laser tag parties and my DP and older DC (both adults and teens) have always joined in with the smaller kids. They LOVE it, apparently it's really fun.
(Bonus as you will then be the cool mum too 😆)
The other mum has not behaved well here, but I think I understand why she did it - as another poster said, it's about friendships with girls. Notoriously tricky.
Has she apologised at all? I think if I wanted to maintain the kids' friendship I would take the line of "more in sadness than in anger" and just say how disappointed you both were, and how sad it made your son. The truth, in fact.

You don’t teach your children that they can decline an invitation they have already accepted just because something else comes along.

Yeah already been suggested. I built a bridge, got over it and carried on! Plus I can handle being called a cowbag 😉

I don’t think you can either

Maybe the best revenge is to have a brilliant party where everyone has a tremendous time and gleefully tell her afterwards how fantastic it was and a pity her girl couldn’t make it…..have a beaming smile on your face when telling her

Like I said anonymous. 🤣🤣

DON'T say anything OP. People don't normally like being embarrassed. The mum either knows she's a cow and doesn't care, or she won't appreciate being called out and will push you away for doing that.

This is an anonymous forum
Unless……..

@Secondchoice2 there you go.

Honestly being vengeful will affect your DS more than anyone else, this is one of those cases imo it's worth taking a measured approach on your feelings for his sake. Her DD has said to DS she wanted to go to his party right, so at least he's hopefully not viewing it as friendship ending or whatever.

I'd probably be very frank in my reply.

Something along the lines of "I'd prefer you didn't lie to me. I know mini cowbag is going to missy's party. You know how much DS enjoys hanging out with mini cowbag and how important it was to have 8 people attend his party. You've really left me in the lurch by pulling out last minute "

Looking at my 9 year old now and thinking how a decision I make would make a load of nasty women come together and call her names. Funny bit is most of you think you have a moral high ground agreeing with the op.

Cowbag is a good name for her and she and her daughter have clearly shown their true colours but

you know I think it would be great if your nephew could make the party, don’t kids your dcs age love it when older kids want to join in with what they do.

Failing that why don’t you play the laser game. I loved paintballing myself….seems I’m a bit of a ninja ( maybe I missed my calling there 🤣)

This is awful, I’m so sorry for you and your son.
I hope your nephew is able to step in, the younger boys will probably love having an older teen hang out with them anyway!

I know the “right” thing to do, as a post above said, is preserve your son’s friendship with this girl. But I’d be so angry and hurt I don’t think I’d be able to not say anything to the cowbag.
I’m not sure whether I’d mention the other party or not, but I would say how hurtful it is that she’s double booked but chosen to go with the other option, given that you changed the activity to suit her daughter and given that she knows losing one means the activity can’t go ahead.

When you see her, it’s fine to say something like “I don’t want to make a scene in front of our kids but I don’t feel able to talk to you yet, I’m still hurt about the party.” So don’t worry about bumping into her.

Love the
mini-cowbag reference

First, I think the tone of this needs to come down. "Devastated" is too strong a word for somebody's change of plans re a kid's birthday party.

I think you shouldn't have made plans that require eight kids, when there aren't many spare replacement kids available. That's too much on the edge, where any kid not attending blows it up. In the future, I suggest simpler, less anxiety-producing plans.

Second, I would not scold the other mother. It won't change anything and is likely to create drama, leaving you even more upset. Probably wiser to just accept what she's shown you, that she isn't as good a friend as you thought. I'd continue to be polite when you see her, but don't rely on her or consider her a close ally anymore.

Friendships based on kids playing together tend to be short-lived anyway and your kids are getting at the end of the age where the parents are closely involved in their interactions with each other.

Aside from the etiquette breach, it seems the other mother is also anxious about her child's connections. So much so that she'd disregard your son for the chance to get her own kid in with the other girls better. So maybe both mothers would do better to relax a little more.

Good luck. I hope your son enjoys his birthday. :)

Mini cowbag, how appropriate, love it 😅

That's terrible form OP , I feel so angry for you & for your ds. What a nasty thing to do to any child but particularly in this situation when your dc is only comfortable around a few friends. I imagine that the dc is giving cowbag an earful about how she wants to go to the other party because it's a girl etc. Girls are so much bitchier in general . She may feel that she'll be less popular with the other girls if she doesn't go. It's so unfortunate that the parties are the same day. Who gives out invites two days before a party? That seems strange in itself..

I understand that you are sad and frustrated. I would be too. Her actions are not nice, and cancel by text is cowardly - it would have been much kinder to say it to your face. We all want to make our children happy, and perhaps her daughter had her pestered to go to the little girl's party. Children can be relentless and no doubt mom is feeling guilty about cancelling on you. Be gracious about it, tell her it is ok.. it is really the best you can do and you won't have any regrets. You know now that she isn't the person you thought she was. See if the organiser of the event can accept a smaller number. Stay strong. Have a brilliant party and enjoy seeing your son happy.🙂

Or is the daughter just lying to ease her conscience?