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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour’s child throwing rubbish into our garden

189 replies

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 14:09

We had new renters move into the property next door about 4/5 months ago. They have one DD of about 4/5 years’ old.

At first they seemed fine, but the problems have started since the weather has been nicer (since about end March).

For context, right now it’s just my husband and I in our house. Although, I’m 9 months’ pregnant, so there’ll be one more very soon!

We look after our house and garden, and tend to plants etc. We like to spend time out there often - reading the paper, eating lunch, and so on - when the weather is nice.

The new neighbours, meanwhile, have taken to storing lots of household rubbish (packaging, old hoovers, prams etc.) in their garden. They also have a multitude of toys out there at all times, scattered all across the garden (which isn’t particularly large I might add), for their DC to play with, inc. a trampoline, paddling pool and a great deal many smaller items such as foam letters, balls and soft toys.

Here is where the problem lies. Almost daily now we are finding both toys and household rubbish in our garden.

At first we were simply throwing things back over the fence, or placing them on the fence in the case of soft toys. However, a couple of weeks ago I was in the garden when one golf ball launched over the fence, narrowly missing me, and three more hit our French doors and landed on our terrace. I was shocked.

I promptly picked them all up, though perhaps not as promptly as I would like in my condition 😂, and popped my head over the fence.

The young girl was in just a nappy looking slightly sheepish while Dad obliviously (unsure how) scrolled on his phone, smoking something… dubious (which was also great considering I clearly had newborn washing on the line 🙄). I piped up and said “Hi. Sorry, are these yours?” to which the Dad looked up and said “oh yeah… cheers, I didn’t know she had those…”

I was taken aback at his lack of concern and said “well they’re just a little hard, aren’t they, and I wouldn’t want them damaging our property or hitting one of us, if you could please be careful?” with a little polite/awkward laugh for good measure.

He simply took them out of my hand with another “cheers” and walked off. No apology, no learning opportunity for DD, just “cheers” and off he went.

Still, I had hoped after my polite word this would stop.

Flash forward another few weeks and I feel that this behaviour has escalated, as has the amount of “stuff” stored in the garden.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that the little girl is just that - little. I know she doesn’t understand she’s doing anything wrong, and if she does understand to some extent it’s only because it feels like a game to her.

However, I am concerned that either my husband or I could get hit with something. They are aware that I’m heavily pregnant right now. Or, worse, our baby could be hit when she’s here, as we plan to spend some time in our garden with her over the coming months and years; looking at wildlife, doing some sensory play etc. As I say, not everything being thrown over is a soft toy or children’s ball unfortunately.

I believe that what is causing the issue is the unkempt nature of the garden. If their DD did not have access to household items/waste and/or toys which are never, ever tidied away (surely a hygiene concern for her too?), then she would not be enabled to throw things over.

We have really tried to be reasonable and rash, but it’s getting us a little wound up now. And before anyone says it, this will not be our child in a few years as we will not be leaving toys or play items out 24/7, for hygiene reasons and cleanliness. We would get her to pack them up with us and take them inside, and we certainly wouldn’t be leaving household waste out there.

I don’t know… AIBU to completely fed up by this now?

OP posts:
blubbyblub · 17/05/2025 15:50

tigerlady14 · 17/05/2025 15:03

YANBU for being annoyed with things being thrown into your garden, especially golf balls and I totally understand your concern for yourselves and your baby (congrats btw!) BUT YABU for the way you speak about these people. the condition of their garden, perceived cleanliness or lack of it, the fact they are renters, and him smoking is none of your business at all. unless you are concerned for the child’s welfare then all of this is not relevant at all and just makes it seem like you look down on these people. by all means tackle the issue of the throwing as that is not acceptable and there is some good advice on the thread on how to go about dealing with this, but your opinions on how they conduct their own personal business are unnecessary IMO. congrats again on becoming a mother and hope you can get this sorted so you can enjoy your garden with your LO <3

We are completely entitled to look down upon people who are happy to smoke whilst ‘minding’ their children and being so engrossed in their phone that they have no idea their dc are chucking crap at people.

judging people for what they are actually doing and are quite disable of not doing is absolutely something we are entitled to do.

blubbyblub · 17/05/2025 15:48

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 17/05/2025 14:18

we will not be leaving toys or play items out 24/7, for hygiene reasons and cleanliness. We would get her to pack them up with us and take them inside

I give you less than 2 years…

Huh? Apart from actual outdoor furniture like a trampoline or a slide, all our outdoor play toys were put away after use.
Surely you didn’t just leave everything cluttered up all over your garden?

ArtTheClown · 17/05/2025 15:42

BUT YABU for the way you speak about these people. the condition of their garden, perceived cleanliness or lack of it, the fact they are renters, and him smoking is none of your business at all

Meh. We all judge, and honestly society could do with a bit more judgement for scummy behaviour.

MouseMama · 17/05/2025 15:39

YANBU. Big fence, trellis on top and some rat traps for good measure if they’re leaving food out in the debris.

mathanxiety · 17/05/2025 15:38

tigerlady14 · 17/05/2025 15:03

YANBU for being annoyed with things being thrown into your garden, especially golf balls and I totally understand your concern for yourselves and your baby (congrats btw!) BUT YABU for the way you speak about these people. the condition of their garden, perceived cleanliness or lack of it, the fact they are renters, and him smoking is none of your business at all. unless you are concerned for the child’s welfare then all of this is not relevant at all and just makes it seem like you look down on these people. by all means tackle the issue of the throwing as that is not acceptable and there is some good advice on the thread on how to go about dealing with this, but your opinions on how they conduct their own personal business are unnecessary IMO. congrats again on becoming a mother and hope you can get this sorted so you can enjoy your garden with your LO <3

It is perfectly fine to look down your nose at people who turn the garden of someone else's property (they rent) into a tip and don't parent their children.

Nobody should have to put up with neighbours like that, and I bet there's a clause in their lease prohibiting the conditions and behaviour the OP has described.

mathanxiety · 17/05/2025 15:34

Contact the owner of the property and tell them the garden is now a tip and the tenants are throwing stuff over your fence.

Look at your home insurance in detail just in case any damage should be done.

AlorsTimeForWine · 17/05/2025 15:30

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 15:21

Thank you! See, I actually suggested this to my DH, but he was a little concerned it would look like we had the intention to “pinch” it. Most of it is quite literally junk, too, so didn’t know whether we should collect or bin. Though if we bin 1) we’re assuming they don’t want it and I suppose technically they could want it and 2) then we’re taking away limited refuse space from ourselves.

If speaking to them once more doesnt work

💯 keep it as a minimum.

Bit actually I'd be inclined to throw it all away and deny any knowledge of it.

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 15:21

pinkyredrose · 17/05/2025 15:19

Keep the stuff they chuck over. If they ever come to ask for it back you can have words. If you give it back right away then they'll just keep chucking it.

Thank you! See, I actually suggested this to my DH, but he was a little concerned it would look like we had the intention to “pinch” it. Most of it is quite literally junk, too, so didn’t know whether we should collect or bin. Though if we bin 1) we’re assuming they don’t want it and I suppose technically they could want it and 2) then we’re taking away limited refuse space from ourselves.

OP posts:
WilfredsPies · 17/05/2025 15:19

I think you’re approaching this the wrong way. You’re working on the basis that these people are nice, reasonable and caring parents who simply don’t realise what’s happening and that, once you explain it to them, they’ll take every step to ensure that their garden is tidy and that DD is taught not to do it again. I don’t think that they are. I think that they are shit parents who don’t care what their daughter is throwing or who she’s throwing it at. I’d respond in a way that they understand.

pinkyredrose · 17/05/2025 15:19

Keep the stuff they chuck over. If they ever come to ask for it back you can have words. If you give it back right away then they'll just keep chucking it.

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 15:17

BangersAndGnash · 17/05/2025 15:12

You were really weedy when you spoke to him. You could have been explicit and said hold balls had hit your glass door and you just managed to dodge them.

And pointed out that numerous things have been thrown over the fence.

And been firm that you expect them to stop her doing it.

Anything else comes over the fence I would put in the bin.

A 5 year old is old enough to know that if they chuck stuff over the fence, that’s it.

ATM they probably think it’s a game.

Thanks. Haha yes, that I definitely was! I dislike any form of confrontation (you never know if people will take it that way) and also it’s the most I’d spoken to him before. We’ve taken in some parcels for the mum so I’ve spoken to her before, but I wasn’t quite sure how he would react. I do think the LO thinks it’s a game to be honest. Though I think with less stuff available to her to throw, we’d have less of an issue. It really is bags and boxes of stuff piled high. As I mentioned to a PP we actually had an old Hoover hose come over very recently!

OP posts:
mindutopia · 17/05/2025 15:13

If it’s rubbish, I’d knock on the front door and hand it back to them. Any toys or household items, I’d bin or sell. They’ll soon learn when they don’t get their stuff back and it hastens the minimisation of all the junk.

BangersAndGnash · 17/05/2025 15:12

You were really weedy when you spoke to him. You could have been explicit and said hold balls had hit your glass door and you just managed to dodge them.

And pointed out that numerous things have been thrown over the fence.

And been firm that you expect them to stop her doing it.

Anything else comes over the fence I would put in the bin.

A 5 year old is old enough to know that if they chuck stuff over the fence, that’s it.

ATM they probably think it’s a game.

tigerlady14 · 17/05/2025 15:03

YANBU for being annoyed with things being thrown into your garden, especially golf balls and I totally understand your concern for yourselves and your baby (congrats btw!) BUT YABU for the way you speak about these people. the condition of their garden, perceived cleanliness or lack of it, the fact they are renters, and him smoking is none of your business at all. unless you are concerned for the child’s welfare then all of this is not relevant at all and just makes it seem like you look down on these people. by all means tackle the issue of the throwing as that is not acceptable and there is some good advice on the thread on how to go about dealing with this, but your opinions on how they conduct their own personal business are unnecessary IMO. congrats again on becoming a mother and hope you can get this sorted so you can enjoy your garden with your LO <3

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 15:03

smellyhouseelf · 17/05/2025 14:58

Omg. Not renters! Time to sell up I'm afraid. Don't want your baby being brought up next to that riff raff.

I haven’t once actually clarified whether we own or rent ourselves? I’ve explained in a comment up top why I believe this to be relevant (in an attempt to avoid drip feed), and it’s definitely not for any deprecating reason, so I won’t be entertaining any further suggestions that it is. Totally daft.

OP posts:
AlorsTimeForWine · 17/05/2025 15:02

Zonder · 17/05/2025 14:36

Collect the stuff that comes over this week. Go round with it and speak to the couple together. Be nice but firm and say that there has been plenty of stuff coming over your fence and it needs to stop now before you or your baby get hurt.

I'd that doesn't change anything look at the council website to see if there's anyone who can help.

Agree take over the big bin bag (rubbish AND toys all in one bag) explain its just not reasonable and it needs to stop.

The fact theyare renters is neither here nor there you'll be stuck with them for a while

Itsybitsyteenycleany · 17/05/2025 14:59

scandiloving · 17/05/2025 14:53

Already lots of suggestions. My DD is almost 4 and loves playing in the garden. I just wanted to let you know that we have zero, not even 1 toy in the garden right now, they are all in a box we keep in the conservatory for the purpose of keeping the toys clean and tidy. The posts suggesting that you will also inevitably end up with a messy garden in a few years were unnecessary 🙄

Yes, I would worry too much about things like bird muck on any toys left out, so we just know ourselves that it simply wouldn’t be something we would do. That said, I’m not judging them parenting-wise as a PP here helpfully pointed out that their DD could have additional needs if they’re still in a nappy, and in such a scenario I imagine they’re doing their very best. However, I do feel that without so much household waste and toys readily available (and growing!) for the little’n to get their hands on, we’d have far less of an issue. It’s more of a maintenance thing, I guess. A tricky one indeed!

OP posts:
smellyhouseelf · 17/05/2025 14:58

Omg. Not renters! Time to sell up I'm afraid. Don't want your baby being brought up next to that riff raff.

Mumofoneandone · 17/05/2025 14:57

Contact the letting agent/LL about the behaviour.
Contact council about rubbish in the garden, as this is potentially an environmental health issue.

Hallebere · 17/05/2025 14:55

You've spoke to him once and he's shown how rude he is. Leaving the garden an absolute tip is another indication of their mentality. Don't bother approaching them again. Go straight to the landlord and lodge a complaint. Let them deal with them.

MayaPinion · 17/05/2025 14:54

Put it all together in a bag - the same bag - every bit of crap that comes over — and keep it behind the shed or something. Once stuff starts going missing they’ll have to come and get it. Then you’re inconveniencing them and that’s off putting. The girl probably thinks it’s a game or something so stop throwing stuff back.

scandiloving · 17/05/2025 14:53

Already lots of suggestions. My DD is almost 4 and loves playing in the garden. I just wanted to let you know that we have zero, not even 1 toy in the garden right now, they are all in a box we keep in the conservatory for the purpose of keeping the toys clean and tidy. The posts suggesting that you will also inevitably end up with a messy garden in a few years were unnecessary 🙄

StMarie4me · 17/05/2025 14:51

Eccythumpy · 17/05/2025 14:12

Well YANBU to not want to have rubbish thrown in the garden, but I don't understand why you needed to specify that they are renters ?

I think we do know.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 17/05/2025 14:50

Turn your garden hose on them every time something comes over your fence.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 17/05/2025 14:48

The landlord won’t do anything. It costs literally thousands of pounds to evict someone and they’re not doing it over balls lobbed over a fence.