Don't want to do any favours for school mom

You've never had a birthday party for your kid his entire primary school life? That's shit OP. I have a Christmas birthday as does my brother and always had parties growing up.

It's fine to say no.
It's fine to say "but DC & xxx aren't really particularly close friends are they?"
But don't breathe a word about "feeling hurt"

This mom now expects us to ferry her kid to the sessions

Say no-don't agree and then moan about it.

The party thing is tricky but if you don't invite others to parties, then I can see why your child isn't invited back. If your child lies these friends-do a summer party for them as you're always busy in their actual birthday.

Just say no to the lift thing, but I'm a bit shocked your child never has a birthday party! It doesn't have to be on the day itself, how about a week later in early Jan? DH has a Christmas birthday and always does something (as a child and adult).

I’d just reply “no sorry, your husband will have to take him. We do xxx after club so can’t do pick up/drop offs.”

Just say “No I can’t, sorry” and leave it at that. No need to get into specifics because you can be sure it would be blown up out of proportion and you’d be a topic of unpleasant gossip. Just a short “no, sorry” and change the subject or walk away. If she has the nerve to ask why, just rinse and repeat. You owe her NO explanation at all. Keep it cool and civilised, let her think what she likes, but don’t directly give her ammunition against you.

I think it changes things that you've never had a school party for your child. People often invite children whose party they have been at.

Hasn't your child ever wanted a party? You could have done it before or after Christmas.

Obviously, regardless of parties, you are not responsible for getting someone else's child to their hobby.

to not call you to a party but then expect a lift is inappropriate

just say sorry we normally come from xyz or go to xyz after so it’s a different route and won’t be able to.

So you’ve never invited him (or other children) to a party but expect your child to be invited? Why not have a party in January and celebrate with his friends? If you have never invited my child to a party but you expect me to invite yours every time, I’d find this unreasonable. Regardless of how many kids attend.

Why did you start taking the other child? And how long have you been doing it?

Why is that your problem? How was she planning to get him there?
She’s very entitled isn’t she 😡wow ! So rude !

Of course it's hurtful for you and your child. She's clearly just using you. I'd message back saying, " Im sorry, I can't ". I wouldn't bother with excuses.

The least you can do for your child in this life is not to betray her by inadvertently (lifts to activity) promoting her competition. If competition is fair, fair enough, but to ferry a competitor to your child to practice? Tell her to sod off.

Say no and tell her why, maybe not in a brash way but along the lines that you don't want to force a friendship when one child has no longer want it (her child)

So tell her. Tell her you feel used for lifts given that your dc didn't even get invited to the party.
Personally, is be guided by your dc. If he likes they lift sharing us carry on . If he doesn't then stop, and say the real reason.

The non-driver mum should not be committing to a sport thinking you will do the driving.

I was in this situation and I invented a unwell person I was going to meet with after sport each week do could not drive her child home, the sport was long drive both directions and her house increased my driving time as she was opposite direction.
And her child was not nice to mine, was competition, unless she needing to be driven around them she harassed my child all day “my mum wants to know why/if/when your mum is driving”. Same as you I had been friends s this mum reception, year 1. Ages ago and we drifted apart. Now she, nor husband want to drive. He’s too tired, she doesn’t like to drive his van. Never mind that I’m tired, and don’t like driving …..

I invented an old friend, recovering from illness/operation. I’m stopping in few nights to help at evenings. It’s not appropriate to bring others. My child was ok with the lie, because other child was not nice.

That other family no boundaries, and shameless.

Don’t commit yourself to this or you end up with it all the time. Make sure self unavailable some weeks, be flakey. She has shown her intentions to you with the party , you don’t owe her x

come on OP she’s being a CF! 1) Why would she join up her DS into a hobby, her, or the dad, can’t take him to. Did she presume you would do it, without asking you, before joining up? 2) her DS obviously doesn’t class your son as a close friend, and neither does she class you as a close friend. 3) if you don’t want to do it, how come have you ended taking him in the first place?! It should have been a firm, but polite no at the start. Is she quite a persuasive person?

Party issue aside, making a commitment like this invariably leads to problems. Don't make a rod for your own back and just say no.

Don't mention the party, whatever you do!!

Just keep reiterating that it doesn't work for you. You don't need to offer excuses, reasons, explanations or anything other than a clear statement.

So OP a few things to unpack here.

Yeah it sucks your kid wasn’t invited and I get you don’t want to see him disappointed but these things happen and are good lessons in building resilience and understanding who his true friends are. This isn’t about you and kindly your language is quite strong about it.

So about the kid taking an activity that they can’t get to. Frankly it’s on the parents and they shouldn’t have signed him up if they couldn’t get him there. A simple no sorry I can’t take x is fine. If she responds with asking you why or saying she can’t get her son there otherwise please don’t be petty and put your feelings about the party into this conversation. A simple unfortunately it just doesn’t work for us and hope you sort something else is fine. Cut this off now before you are also asked about taking to games etc.

The part about the kid competing and playing the same sport and competing for game time against your son has nothing to do with this issue. There is always a better kid and at grassroots at his age it’s generally even minutes. When it gets more competitive then it’s selective.

Honestly it isn’t MN vipers and that’s slightly antagonistic. You are oevrreact8ng and that’s fine but do what’s best for you, don’t engage in a difficult conversation and don’t get petty.

As others have sad Senior school is a whole other thing.

Just send a message similar to this. I wouldn't be committing to lifts anyway as it's so restricting if anything else cropped up.

No sorry can't do lifts.
Now they're older Jimmy and Billy aren't such close friends anymore and to be honest we both quite enjoy chatting and doing our own thing.

This is perfect!!

This ⬆️.
Why do people on here always suggest lying? Don't lie. Be direct.