Would you rather your children were clever or kind/ polite?

You have a strange outlook. I have not seen this correlation you speak of. I’ve known nice kids excelling at school and shit kids struggling. And vice versa

Kind.
(Being a doormat is not the same thing as kindness btw.)

I think that I would prefer them to be clever... but possibly because I was brought up to be kind to the point that everybody else and their feelings mattered and mine/I did not. I hate the guilt trip in my head every time I think that I am "mean" to someone!

Clever people can learn kindness. A kind person can't necessarily learn to be clever.

I think what can often be perceived as kindness especially in girls, is actually them being submissive or acquiescing a lot, clever people usually convey an argument well that supports their position or wants, if you're not so bright you might go along with that rather than construct an effective rebuttal. It's not kindness.
I also dispute that clever people aren't kind.

Clever if being kind means you’re a bit thick

I don’t think you can learn empathy, you either have it or you don’t!

Sorry but my two were ultra clever and extremely polite and kind. Still are.

Tbf, the OP did ask us to choose between them. I'm sure most people do know you can be both, but we were asked either/or so have answered accordingly.

Kindness and politeness are not correlated either.

I don’t think many/most people do. They are just answering OP’s either/or question.

Clever in the sense of intellectual IQ but also clever as in smart in emotional IQ. They will know their way around the world.

Kindness without intelligence will likely get you eaten up by the world.

Clever. Then you can learn when to be kind and when someone is just shitting all over you.

Kind has become a real buzzword and yet some who bang the kindness drum the hardest are some of the more spiteful, vindictive people you can shake a stick at.

Kind
Safe
Hate

Words that are becoming more and more meaningless by the day and yet these are the mantras our children are meant to live by.

I don’t think that’s the pattern at all. Many bullies are also bottom of the class?

Sad that so many think it's one or the other. People are more than capable of being both.

There are plenty of clever kind people and plenty of stupid unkind people though.

Kind and polite. The idea of cleverness without empathy, generosity of spirit, care for others, courtesy or manners is extremely undesirable. Many people live useful, rewarding, happy and valuable lives without being considered 'clever'.

They know that they are a guest and they have worked out that manners have no impact on their life.

That's not correct manners do matter - peope will go a bit futher for polite people and not help rude people / may decide to invite a polite child in future rather than rude on.e

So the "clever" child made an erroneous corrolation and needs an adult - usually a parent to correct them.

The one unthinkingly paroting back the polite forms - probably also needs some input dependent on age but have at leats picked up social conventions.

I think both are perfectly possible. It bugs the crap out of me when my dm bangs on about my little cousins, about how clever one is but how another is so caring/kind, the implication being that he’s dumb (autistic, lots of major health issues when a baby). She makes it sound like he’s less worthy than his siblings. He’s my not so secret favourite due to his humour and general character.

I'm really surprised there are so many who said clever, it would be kind for me. In my experience it isn't usually one or the other anyway. My children are both clever and kind, so are most of my friends. When I think back to school the clever children were usually kind and polite and it was the ones in lower sets who were bullying, fighting and just generally causing a nuisance. It's the same at my DCs school too, one of them has said the reason they work hard is so they don't end up in lower sets where the horrible children are. I'm not saying all children who aren't clever are unkind, one of my friends is very kind but struggled academically.

I would add that if your skills are in a niche area then you can be successful without people skills.

But I’ve noticed a bit of a tendency for the kind kids to not be top of the class, and vice versa

There is no evidence for this that I am aware of and you are probably projecting your own insecurities or concerns on others.

Clever people can use not only their intelligence but people skills well.
The truly off-the-scale clever people can be successful without people skills.

This.

But I’ve noticed a bit of a tendency for the kind kids to not be top of the class, and vice versa. I don't agree with this at all.

Bloody hell - that was a fast “Make it about trans issues even when completely unrelated” even for MN.

But what does your example have to do with kindness or even politeness? One child gabbles an automatic thank you without thinking about it, the other doesn’t because they think their ‘guest’ status means they can bypass manners.

Which suggests a lack of intelligence, if anything, as certainly a child who comes across as persistently rude is going to stop being invited over if they’re still of the age where parents’ control play dates. I could see, for instance, that one of DS’s friends was acting out after his parents divorced and he moved away with his mother, but I certainly called out rudeness, and probably dialled visits back a bit. Also DS thought he was rude. Rudeness has consequences, even if an emotionally unintelligent or just young child can’t see that.

Thank you! They are. And also infuriating in their own ways at times!

I think, as parents, all we can do is try is try and encourage them in their strengths and support them where they need it.