Reality check

Our living arrangements in my partners house involve us each contributing £1,000/month into a shared bank account, to cover food, social activities, purchase of items for the house and garden, and presents for his children and family. I also pay 50 percent towards all utility bills via a monthly direct debit into my partners account.

That sounds a lot based on what our bills are.

I'd be moving out if I were you!

Whether you want to continue to see him or not, I would not want to be living in a house I have no hold over, yet contribute to both financially and practically.
I also wouldn't be leaving my money to someone who 'might' give me a life long right to live in the house we have shared - sod that!

Honestly, you are not married and don't share children- move out into your own home so that you have security for yourself, plus you'll save yourself some money and time - win, win!

There's a reason most divorced men get remarried and most divorced women remain single. If I were you, I would be serving notice to the tenant and moving back into my own property. It doesn't mean you have to stop seeing your partner, but he's not a true partner. Have fun, but sort yourself out financially; he won't.

I couldn't get past being expected to make him his breakfast and lunch....

What is it with these men that can seemingly function in a high powered job yet are completely unable to put two bits of bread in a toaster in a morning or spend 5 minutes making a sandwich for his lunch? I'd be telling him to sling his hook on that basis alone.

I took the "it's for food, socialising and gifts' literally and assumed op felt that she could see that was how the money was being spent. So they went to lots of dinners out, concerts, gyms, holidays and so on. But maybe it's not.

He's getting £1500 a month from her. She's paying rent and bills.

I think it's fine for him to want to leave his house to his children, especially as you have a house of your own.

I'm not sure i'd be running the home for him (cleaning/gardening) and buying half the items for the home/garden without some sort of lifetime clause though.

I am not sure the reward of getting to live in a nice house you don't own (so rent free) would be quite enough for me to act as housekeeper. I sort of feel you live together because you love each other and sometimes that means someone is lucky and has a day to day life that's nicer than they could achieve on thier own but thier partner is happy to share the joy.

Stand up for yourself OP. Stop doing more than your fair share of the housework and definitely stop making him a packed lunch! Make a will leaving your money to a relative or charity.

😂 how is it not? It's 50% of the bills and shared living costs. Where is the rent element?

Does the money from your mortgage free property you rent out go into your account or a shared account? If your own account, does that not help to balance things out? You benefit financially through not having to live in that property and therefore the rent received is your income?

Paying approx. £1500 a month to him is in no way rent free!!!!

To me it sounds okay financially. Rich people are rich for a reason -- and it's usually not their generosity. It makes sense to keep finances separate for a later relationship where parties have children who aren't shared.

You're living free in his house (which must be quite nice?) and keeping the rent from your house so there must be a financial advantage for you there (?). 50% utilities bills sounds fair. £1,000 for food, social activities, house/ garden, presents (presumably it's your family?) sounds extravagant but I suppose, if you're enjoying that lifestyle, it's fair.

The housework is obviously unbalanced. For me it would depend if he's just sitting around while you're doing chores or working long hours in a demanding job. At the same time, if you're not seeing the money from his demanding job, it's not your problem and he should either do more or pay for a cleaner/gardener. I definitely wouldn't be doing breakfast and lunch for another grown-up.

I would tell him if he's not leaving you anything, you're not leaving him anything. Fairs fair.

How are you paying a disproportionate amount? It reads like you pay 50% of the living costs on a property with no mortgage, so you are effectively staying rent free whilst renting out your own property. You are better off.
He's right to leave the house to his kids, you're right to leave your house and assets to who you want to.
That aside if you're not happy in your relationship why does any of it matter, just leave.

Why do you want to be with him?

He brings nothing to the relationship.

And obviously don’t leave him anything. Bonkers that you’d be ‘expected’ to when he isn’t doing likewise. Has he brainwashed you into thinking you’re some second class citizen? If he’s that messed up and manipulative, you should get out anyway regardless of ‘love’. This is not what love looks like, sorry.

Yoir remind him of things he needs to do and make him a packed lunch? Do you also lay out his school uniform and games kit every evening?

Oh for fucks sake OP, read back what you wrote here. What are you thinking??? How have you justified this to yourself?

I don’t get why you pay 1k as well as your split of the bills. Just have your own money as there’s no mortgage/rent to pay. Food bills can be split same as the utility bills are. As for making him his breakfast and lunch, you don’t ’have to’ do that - why on earth do you? He’s not a child, stop doing that and let him do it himself. Same for half the housework. You’re capable of making all these changes without his yay or nay so take some power back and stop mothering and trying to please him. I think he’s fine to leave the house and everything to his kids but then you need to look out for yourself and not act like he’s in charge of you. Tbf even if you were married and he left you everything in his will, I wouldn’t be waiting on him hand and foot either.

What have I just read? What's he doing whilst you slave away tending him and his house? Stop!

Definitely will your money elsewhere.

If he actually cared for you he'd make provision for you when he dies

100% this…

I am expected to leave all my wealth to my partner should I die

Errrrr, no! Why is this even a thing?! What’s he said to you to make you say this??

Sorry op but you need to move out. Even if you paid nothing financially, for all your labour you should have been given some provision even if that was now and not later. You must move out, he feels entitled to your money and labour. If you analyse further you will see he takes much more than he takes. I would silently move out so that he can't stop you. Please don't waste your time and resources, you can still have a relationship just not tangled with finances and labour. You're doing far too much even if you were married. Leaving inheritance to his kids is fine, but taking your resources now and after you pass is greedy.

Financial split is fair. You boh pay the same bills and fun stuff
You both have your own house to pass to who you wish. You do mot have to put him in your will, he can expect all the likes but his is up to you.
But the household duties should be split.

That wouldn’t be a deal most women would want. Your DP sounds sexist and nasty.

you work full time and he expects you to serve him like a housekeeper! And you are doing! Why?

Don’t leave your money to him: lie to him about it if easiest.

Paying 50% of the bills is unfair when he’s so wealthy and you have costs with your own property. Don’t pay towards anything for the house, it’s not yours. Other than any items you want/purchase and would still want and take with you if you move out.

Nor 50% on gifts for his family, he should cover that and you buy something from you should you choose to.

Why are you paying for his family and the house you don’t own? Stop doing all the housework etc. you’re a cheap easy ride for him.