I’m feeling quite hurt and would really appreciate some outside perspective on this. My adult stepsons (late 20s and early 30s) have once again forgotten my daughter’s birthday, she’s 14. This has happened multiple times now, and each year I hope it’ll be different, but it never is.
I’ve been in their lives since they were teenagers. There parents had divorced before I met their Dad (my husband) I’ve always made an effort to be warm, supportive, and inclusive. I’ve done a lot for them over the years and never expected much in return, but remembering their sister’s birthday doesn’t feel like too much to ask. She’s at an age where these things matter, and she’s old enough to notice the absence.
To be honest, I have learned to live with being overlooked myself (they didn’t acknowledge my 50th last year either, despite being invited to celebrations), but the lack of consideration towards my daughters really stings. I’m starting to question how much effort I want to continue making in this dynamic when it feels so one-sided.
For background, when they see their sisters, they all get on well, they are close. They’ve been on family holidays with us, we’ve always welcomed them with friends and girlfriends. They have come to celebrate their Dad’s milestone birthdays and have a history of coming over when it suits them, rather like teens or younger adults might.
Have others experienced this with adult stepchildren? Am I expecting too much here, or is this just a case of emotional laziness on their part? I’d really appreciate honest views, genuinely trying to make sense of it all. I’ve found it really hurtful this time, and can’t really talk to my DH as he becomes very defensive of his sons.