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AIBU?

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Original poster

Party or not to party ?

56 replies

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:30

Please can you give me some perspective as I'm
not sure if I’m being unreasonable.
Partner receives a fb 50th birthday invite a few months ago from an old school friend and mentions it, I say oh that’s great. Nothing more said until yesterday when we both get invited to a casual birthday tea and I answer for the both of us along the lines of , not sure yet, busy with ongoing extension project and need to get on with it with dry weather so will let you know.
Partner brings it up later that day, and I say oh yes, I haven’t said no - and he says, oh but I’m at the 50th. He says he totally forgot about it, got a reminder and now they (bunch of old mates) are on at him to go. I can’t get a babysitter at such short notice so I can’t go , haven’t got a dress etc.
I asked him to read me the invite - it sounds bloomin ace, 3pm start at a lovely location, DJ etc. Will be a very late night and full of couples, old friends.
Am I being unreasonable expecting him
not to go? He will be moody all weekend but I find it really unfair that if I don’t organise babysitters etc, we never get to go out as a couple.
Live together and have primary school kids.

OP posts:
Mandylovescandy · 16/05/2025 21:03

I share your pain. Mine booked tickets for us both for an event which he described but didn't give me the full name of or what time it was and then got irritated when a couple of days before we didn't have a babysitter and whined about how he had spent lots on the tickets and it would be rubbish if we couldn't go. How did he think I was going to book a babysitter without any event timings and details to work out when we needed them for.

HuffleMyPuffle · 16/05/2025 21:03

You just sound sulky now

Dinosweetpea · 16/05/2025 20:56

Don't you have diaries?? Why wasn't the date put in the diary when he got the invite and a sitter booked? Why are you organising things on the day? You both sound very disorganised.

Lineeyesahh · 16/05/2025 20:54

Either organise a baby sitter or your husband goes and you go see your friends for tea with your kids.

These things happen and no point ruining it for your DH. Sounds like a lovely opportunity for him to catch up with old school pals, stop making a drama out of something nice!

Moonnstars · 16/05/2025 20:54

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:51

I think you’re all probably right - thanks for your replies. I’m just sniffy on missing out on something that could be an epic time because of being unorganised

But you could have organised childcare as soon as you got the invite. As someone else said you could have firstly checked whether you were both invited and then if so sorted childcare if it meant that much to you to go.

I am still baffled at how you think it be epic when you don't know the people going? I think you are over estimating a party for an old school friend of his.
Why don't you look further ahead, book a babysitter and go to a concert or something the two of you as it sounds like you want a good night out?

Gemmawemma9 · 16/05/2025 20:54

Really confused-do you want to go to the birthday tea YOU were invited to, or the massive 50th party HE Was invited to?
Simple solution is that he goes to 50th, you take kids to birthday tea.
YABU, he told you ages ago and now you’re in a huff.

Original poster
GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:52

Yeah that’s what I plan to do
Not exactly the same kid free night out with partner, probably free bar etc but oh well

OP posts:
HuffleMyPuffle · 16/05/2025 20:52

So you aren't even directly invited? You just assume?

Annascaul · 16/05/2025 20:52

Moonnstars · 16/05/2025 20:51

Well if the tea party invite is from your friend and not his why don't you go to that with the kids and leave him to go to the other party?

Show quote history

Yes, it would seem there is no actual dilemma here.
Apart from op being slightly jealous of the better party 😬

saltinesandcoffeecups · 16/05/2025 20:51

So there’s the answer you go to the tea with the kids and he goes to the party. It’s a win/win.

Original poster
GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:51

I think you’re all probably right - thanks for your replies. I’m just sniffy on missing out on something that could be an epic time because of being unorganised

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 16/05/2025 20:51

So he goes to his party with his old friends and you go to your party with the children.

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 16/05/2025 20:51

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:49

Annascaul
no, kids are invited, it’s only tea at the local
pub with a beer garden

Can’t you attend that with the DC even if your DH goes to his friends party?

2024onwardsandup · 16/05/2025 20:51

The problem is that he didn’t even have to think about child care because he thinks that is your sole responsibility

Moonnstars · 16/05/2025 20:51

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:49

Annascaul
no, kids are invited, it’s only tea at the local
pub with a beer garden

Well if the tea party invite is from your friend and not his why don't you go to that with the kids and leave him to go to the other party?

Original poster
GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:49

Annascaul
no, kids are invited, it’s only tea at the local
pub with a beer garden

OP posts:
Annascaul · 16/05/2025 20:48

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:41

yes two separate party invites.I’m not fb friends with 50th birthday guy so not invited directly however the venue is large, DJ etc so numbers wouldnt be an issue and I fully expect it’s a couples event..

It’s his old school friend. It might be disappointing that you can’t get a babysitter, but it’d be ridiculously spiteful to suggest he shouldn’t go either.
Surely you would have had to book a babysitter for the other event anyway?

Moonnstars · 16/05/2025 20:46

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:43

zanantdy
yes but shouldn’t he have attempted to organise a babysitter so that I could go or remembered the event early enough so that I could organise it. It’s not just tea out, it’s a big massive party

Not really. I can't think of anything worse than going to a party of someone I don't know, and surely your partner would be off socialising with all his old friends.
You want to go, so why can't you sort the babysitter?

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 16/05/2025 20:46

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:43

zanantdy
yes but shouldn’t he have attempted to organise a babysitter so that I could go or remembered the event early enough so that I could organise it. It’s not just tea out, it’s a big massive party

In fairness he did tell you some time ago.

pictoosh · 16/05/2025 20:45

Yabu. I'd never expect my dh to stay at home under these circumstances. You're not fused together. Wave him off with good grace.

pizzaHeart · 16/05/2025 20:45

im a bit confused how you are doing things in your house. Surely the first thing when the invite arrived was to check if both of you invited or not. Then if both of you could go or one or no one. Then to think about if it’s doable from money and childcare angles.
It seems you haven’t done any of these?????

saltinesandcoffeecups · 16/05/2025 20:45

GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:43

zanantdy
yes but shouldn’t he have attempted to organise a babysitter so that I could go or remembered the event early enough so that I could organise it. It’s not just tea out, it’s a big massive party

So it’s punishment then.

Yup, still unreasonable.

QuickFawn · 16/05/2025 20:45

You both knew about it, neither organised a baby sitter
Doesn’t mean you both now can’t go, I couldn’t think of anything worse personally so would happily wave my dp off whilst I had an evening to myself

Original poster
GiveMeAMin · 16/05/2025 20:43

zanantdy
yes but shouldn’t he have attempted to organise a babysitter so that I could go or remembered the event early enough so that I could organise it. It’s not just tea out, it’s a big massive party

OP posts:
OatFlatWhiteForMe · 16/05/2025 20:43

I’m assuming as it’s his old friends you aren’t really able to go without him so if you don’t have a babysitter it’s a shame for him to miss out too because you are jealous. The caveat is if he’s out constantly and you spend every weekend home alone with the DC.