To think life is a lot easier & more relaxed if there’s one Sahp?

It's subjective though isn't it? This wasn't my experience. I was a SAHM it was the right decision for our family.and I have a good job now. I agree with the OP. It is easier to.have a SAHP if you can Not every man is out to get you and some women want to stay at home and bring their kids up and some want to work.

Family Life is easier and better with less than two ft jobs between you.
But a ft/sahp is not my ideal. It’s not ideal to me for one person to have no career at all and it’s not ideal imo for the children to have such an imbalance in parental relationships. Many ft parents with a sahp partner will feel the pressure to give 100% at work as the only income earner. Leaving nothing to give at home.

I think two p/t jobs or at least very flexible no more than 9-5 local, some wfh, ft jobs is the ideal.

If 2 parents work part time do they both contribute to the school stuff? Are they both in charge or is someone in charge and the other does delagated tasks? I wonder if things could be a bit chaotic if both were in charge, would you end up doing the same things and missing something out?

We both work 4 days a week, what we do for school stuff is broadly deal with one child each. Obviously that doesn't mean attend every school event for that child and not for the other but have primary responsibility for sorting that child's school stuff / diarising their stuff etc

Then other stuff we have divided up - e.g. DH books and pays wraparound, I do holiday clubs

I think it is.

My husband works full time, leave the house at 7.15 and is back by 6ish.

I work school hours 4 days a week, my day off is a lot less stressful because I'm not worried about making it to work on time. The other days I'm rushing about trying to make sure they have everything and I have everything, then getting out the door and getting to work on time. Then when I'm at work I have to be gone in time to pick the kids up, can't help out if they are busy, got to be conscious not to get involved in anything that will delay me.

It's exhausting but because I work part time I'm in charge of all school stuff. Things would be easier if I didn't work at all because then I could take on all school stuff. I definitely couldn't cope with a full on career.

If 2 parents work part time do they both contribute to the school stuff? Are they both in charge or is someone in charge and the other does delagated tasks? I wonder if things could be a bit chaotic if both were in charge, would you end up doing the same things and missing something out?

Easier and more relaxed ? I guess so

But if you want an equal relationship, I think it's a terrible option

Time is the most precious thing we have and can give to anyone. Of course being there and around for our dc is invaluable and yes not having additional worries.
Our dc came at the very wrong time just as the world financial melt down occurred. We had just got a mortgage, found out my maternity pay was wrong and I wouldn't get much, most of dh team laid off poor paid job.
Thankfully we got tax credits which paid for our food and we got tons of stuff free for the house, baby, yellow sticker food obviously absolutely no extras like hair dressers.

We saved up tins, coins here and there to put to Xmas and a weekend away in a youth hostel.
We had just brought a house and had no money to do anything we wanted too it and still havant structure wise.
I got reduced paint, free furniture, mirrors, outdoor toys. One Xmas age 2 all of dd toys were free...

My own wardrobe is very limited after being obsessed with clothes!
Dh pay literally just covered our bills and tax credits did the food.
It was actually a fun time.
Thankfully dh and I had interesting backgrounds which left us both in materialistic and neither of us our lusting after new cars.
5 years after and I was back and work and have been since it's all gone in the blink of an eye...

I have seen two friends shafted after divorce by men who were decent men prior to affairs. Fortunately they both worked & had family money to help them.

I think a big issue today is more women do work so it's harder to get good flexible roles after a long break. And many relationships do end & settlements are not quite so generous these days.

What would you have done if your husband had cheated, or turned nasty, or wanted a divorce?

What if the working parent dies? Not to mention people change and the amount of people who leave/cheat and leave is pretty high. What assurance do you have for you?

And then inagine your husband left or something happened to him and there is you with years and years of no experience (sadly being a stay home parent does not look great on the CV), you are seen as too old by most prospective employers, you have irrelevant work experience from before kids, out of touch with work market and a shit pension to help you when you are 68. Fantastic prospect.
Many women work to avoid it.

This would entirely depend on the relationship surely? I grew up with one sahp for most of my childhood but they swapped so it was fair. If it was just my Mum or just my Dad the entire time I don't think it would have worked as well.

Nor you 😁Might you be taking a chat forum too seriously?

@blueshoes Luckily it doesn't matter what you think 😊

ok then. But you are doing what you want to do in this time consuming way to your own standards and time. Other working parents do this as well on top of their jobs.

Sorry but I cannot see life admin and optional labour as hard work.

It is up to you to prioritise. This is how your chips fall. I would prioritise other areas. All fine. With money, there are more options. Hence it is still worth it to have 2 ft parents.

I'm guessing you're in the US where much more seems to be expected of parents for extra curriculars

In the UK, my kids do various sports and all that is expected of us is to pay for them and they hire people to do the work. Ditto childcare

These are the things needed from parents these days though. My kids are at an amazing childcare with a parent committee in charge and I’m the treasurer. I had to put in some work to get a beginners basketball team for my middle child to start hence am manager, it wouldn’t have happened otherwise and he loves it. There is a lot of parent input required when your kids love sport, it’s not an optional extra or a luxury. Athletics requires regular volunteering, football allocates out parent roles. We are ruthless about time management. And we do pay for a cleaner, that absolutely does not mean we don’t have to endlessly tidy and wash and clean with 3 kids. It does mean I almost never vacuum.

I do work hard in the home every day, there are always things to be done in the kitchen, in the garden, and the rest of the home as well as admin. Some of it can be heavy manual work, some quite mentally challenging as I figure out how to make something work within the limitations I have.

I am from a professional well paid back ground and I easily work as hard now as I did in my old job. Perhaps I have more personal time than I used to for the things I am passionate about but that doesn't negate my efforts at home.

We both work pretty hard

I am sure your dh works hard, but how do you work hard?

We don't have kids but I don't work while DH does in a fairly high paid career. It is massively better for both of us like this. He works and I do pretty much everything in the house. He comes home to a delicious home cooked meal, freshly baked sourdough bread, a clean and organised home. We either exercise then eat or eat and go for a walk, then we come home and watch a film, read or play a game together. Weekends jobs are mostly already done so we get to relax and have fun together.

We really prioritise healthy fresh food and that takes time to prepare but it makes such a difference to our health, energy and moods if we eat in a certain way. We both work pretty hard although I do have more time for things like reading, yoga and so on.

If you can afford it then I recommended it.

Different people find different things stressful. Yes the planning and juggling can be a challenge, or organising things when one of us is on a business trip and can't do their usual share. But I've been poor and I find being financially in a less secure position more stressful. Not only in case DH decides to leave me, but redundancies happen, or toxic work environments you want to leave. It's much more relaxing for me to know we have 2 incomes and can still manage just fine if something happens to one of them. So for me personally, 2 WOHPs is less stressful.

It ignores the power dynamics and access to finances.

The SAHP is relying on the WOHP to provide for them financially not just in the present but also in the future (i.e pensions) and even if the family breaks up. It is unlikely the SAHP has sufficient bargaining power to influence these decisions so it is relying on the decency of the WOHP to think ahead and provide.

Many women don't understand investments and financial planning and bury their head in the sand. There is even less chance of understanding the household finances if they occupy themselves fully in the parenting and domestic sphere. It is all fine until something happens to the WOHP (death, long term illness, redundancy, affair, divorce) where the vulnerability of the SAHP becomes clear.

ideally. But either party can also decide to terminate this arrangement at any time.

With 2 ft parents, you have to be ruthless at time management. So being committee members and team manager for 2 basketballs teams is a luxury. You may not be able to do both if you wish to keep your sanity.

If you want the flexibility to do these, then by all means work pt or be an SAHP otherwise you would spread yourself too thin. Working ft should pay for a cleaner. I'd rather work to bring in the money and be able to outsource tasks to experts. That is more efficient.