To think life is a lot easier & more relaxed if there’s one Sahp?

They seem to be in short supply according to MN posts on that topic, as this dynamic is very common. I personally find that 2 full time careers and outsorcing the boring bits instead is a better balance for our family.

Indeed. It’s not that complicated.

Or you can just not have children with a dickhead who insists their 9-5 is their only responsibility?

I think it's bloody brilliant for the full time working person indeed. Second income, but you can still insist the part time worker does the majority of housework and childcare, and the full time worker's career is always prioritised.

And I am talking about mine and many experiences I have seen where something in the marriage has not worked out- I suppose planning just in case is always a good thing, so you dont get caught with your pants down (but with a satisfaction you didnt work for 10 years).

I think this is dependent on the child, my mam was a SAHM for half our childhood then went to work for the rest. My DB and DSis preferred her working but I suffered with mental health and undiagnosed autism and really struggled losing that. It still bothers me to this day. I had extra needs and felt abandoned, which sounds ridiculous I know. But having that security of someone there was very important to me.

I think one full time, one part time is a good balance. You have the mental security of 2 incomes, but one has some time to do the life admin.

I've actually found this more true with a primary age child because nursery ran from 8 until 6, but finding part time within school hours as opposed to doing, say, 4 longer days was harder. Breakfast club at school has been full for 2 years.

Absolutely this!

Majority of time it’s the woman who gives up working to be SAHP. Loses career development, pension etc. WOHP does even less around the house as it’s SAHP’s “job”. SAHP ends up with no “me” time and needs a break from housework and DC. Life is monotonous and Groundhog Day for SAHP. WOHP
is going on work nights out, lunches, team building days etc, and has no home responsibilities as SAHP is there to do that shit stuff. SAHP becomes resentful and WOHP says “well you wanted this”. Both become bitter and resentful. WOHP seeks solace in the company of younger single parent at work. Marriage ends and SAHP starts a thread on MN telling a story as old as time…….

So no, I don’t think it’s better 😄

There are many what ifs in life. I am talking about my experience and the people I know

But you have not answered my question.
What if the working parent dies- it does happen. How easy is it for the stay at home parent with zero experience or ancient experience and a 6 year gap in a CV and two-three kids to make ends meet, unless they just happen to be very wealthy?
How many posts do we have daily on Mumsnet about women trapped in loveless relationshiprs and/or with cheating dickeahds and who cant move out because they have nothing to their name while their partners are the only breadwinners?

Im not saying every man is out there to get you, but statistically around 40% of marriages in the UK end in divorce, I kind of think you'd have to be an idiot to not be working at least part-time, unless you happen to be incredibly wealthy or have wealthy supportive family to pick up the pieces for you.

My mum always worked . Not out at an office 9-5 but I had a childminder, occasional wrap around school care then various combinations and going to friends houses after school. I don't remember ever having an issue with it and as an adult I value and admire my mum keeping her independence and the better quality of life we had.

Kids don't get to choose this kind of stuff. They have no input in to family finances, they can't comprehend the impact on SAHPs pension, career prospects, mental health etc.

I can answer this from direct experience: my mum gave up a glamorous and well-paid job which she loved to be a SAHM and absolutely hated it. She loved us but she was perpetually bored, unfulfilled, twitchy and depressed.

This was the 70s when it was much harder for a woman who'd given up work to get back into it so after 6 or 7 years off bringing up two kids she was basically becalmed and never got her mojo back.

I would have far preferred to go to childcare a few times a week and have a happy and fulfilled mother who didn't seethe with resentment all the time about her inability to get back into the labour market. And I've asked my DD, who was in childcare after school three days a week, what she made of it and she didn't understand the question.

This is a heavily loaded, political question always asked by people who disapprove of childcare. And significantly never asked of men who go out to work.

It is absolutely easier for the working parent if there is a SAHP. When my ex was at home I did not have to rush around to get home in the evening and the basics were done at home. However it is a luxury for most people. I am now a single parent and am back to rushing around.

I wonder what answer children would give if they were asked if they wanted a parent at home or to go to childcare every week day and holiday ?

My mum was a SAHM and we had nannie's etc. I have most school holidays off and my dc go to clubs. They also do extracurriculars after school despite me having finished work.

My neighbour growing up send her dc to boarding school despite not working 😱

All else being equal, it's more relaxed in terms of the juggle. There are a lot of factors to consider when deciding if it's better.

Well you stayed at home during the day but you were also working in the evenings so you were actually working part time. I think that both partners working part time is the ideal. Otherwise one partner, typically the female, is more likely to be overloaded with household chores and tasks while the male does a lot less because he 'works'/'work full time'/'earns more'

Life is always better with (a) free and highly competent servant(s) doing all the labour that one does not wish to perform for oneself. This is an indisputable fact of life. Who wishes to do all that free labour is the sticking point.

"Nigel" made me giggle

I wonder what answer children would give if they were asked if they wanted a meal of protein and green vegetables and some junk? I wonder what answer children would give if they were asked if wanted to go to school or go to a theme park every weekday? I wonder what answer children would give if they were asked if they wanted to spend four hours looking at YouTube videos or practising reading and writing? Etc etc.

Well, speaking for myself - my mum was a SAHM for a couple of years but mostly worked full time and I preferred it when she worked.

My children are old enough to voice their opinions and they tell us that they enjoy after school club - I used to sometimes pick them up early one day a week when I could and my older one in particular has been very clear that he prefers to stay playing with his mates. They wouldn't like holiday childcare every day of the holidays but they are absolutely fine with the 3 weeks or so that they go (we obviously use some annual leave separately and also usually an extra week of parental leave)

I wonder what answer children would give if they were asked if they wanted a parent at home or to go to childcare every week day and holiday ?

My kids don't do athletics but they are both on teams for different sorts - swimming, football, basketball - and none of these teams ask for any parent volunteers.

Australia. Grassroots sports needs volunteers though, you could not run an athletics session without at least 30 parents- imagine the cost of that if all paid. There are 9 roles plus the coach for parents for every U10 football game (for each team), and dh is on the club committee because they needed people and it is non negotiable to him that his kids get to play football. Ditto me as our kids are at the most amazing nurturing childcare - if you value something, you need to contribute.
we work really hard to make it work. I won’t host family Christmas as I just haven’t the capacity to tidy and host as well as sort Christmas for my dc and do all the end of year stuff and clear my plate at work for a few weeks off.

Ours are in GCSE and A Level year now. We're both home all the time and there's no doubling up or missing out on things. Emails from the school get sent to both of us so we discuss them and I tend to do the lunches and day to day stuff. DH helps with their maths homework and I help with art and music revision and school trips admin.
We both do the school run and all the extra curricular running around. We talk to each other!

I was a SAHP for a number of years. We adopted and it was definitely expected that one parent would be available full time, and I understood why.

I was very happy to do it and I enjoyed it once I got into the swing of it (starting your parenting with a three year old with expectations and an ability to say "no" is interesting 🤣)

And yes, it did make life easier all round because I was able to do stuff, organise Christmas, nursery/school drop-offs etc.

But as others have pointed out, there are financial implications, not least of which is my pension. I had a workplace pension which obviously ended when I left, and I stupidly didn't take out a private one.

I