Can’t stop!

1/3 bottle of wine a night is over the recommended units over a week. The most problematic thing is the hiding it. My DH wouldn't think twice if I had a glass of wine or a g&t while I'm making dinner - why do you need to hide it? I think you know that your drinking is a problem and you need to stop. I'd recommend speaking to your DH and other family members and be honest. Secrets have a way of coming out and causing great upset.

OK, well you have to start by getting real. If you regularly drink 1/3 of a bottle of wine a night, there’s no way you are slightly drunk from it. I’ve been there - you won’t even feel it.
So, straight off the bat, if you want advice (and we’re all strangers here, there’s no rl comeback!) you need to be honest about the extent of your drinking.

To all the people saying a third of a bottle is not so bad, a third of a bottle is likely to be around 3 units. Drinking that much on a daily basis puts you way over the recommended limit. And a lot of research suggests that the current limits are probably too high in any case.

A third of a bottle is just a large glass so not so bad!

I'd be more worried about the sneaking bit.

Just drink a large glass of something less alcoholic. Like a can of G&T instead. And don't drink til after 9pm.

I literally drink more than you, but if you feel like it’s a problem then you should seek help.

The obvious one is tea. Maybe try that - nice tea, pot, sit down and have a break?

My mum is an alcoholic (doesn’t drink now but only because she had brain damage due to the booze). This started when she was in her 40s where she’d ‘need’ a drink after work. She had a couple of life events that made her up the alcohol and she ended up drinking heavily for almost 25 years. It ruined our family and she’s only in her early 70s but she’s like a 90 year old.

my advice is that if you feel you need a drink and you have to hide it the only thing you can do is stop completely. If you need help with this then start with the GP, it’s much better to get help now as the more you drink the more in denial you’ll get and the harder it will be.

It sounds like the compulsion and the secrecy are the big problems here. There could also be something around the relief of knowing you're not needed and immediately getting a drink.

From a biological perspective, one glass of wine a day shouldn't have a serious health impact, but given the secrecy and urge to drink, the amount you are drinking could escalate.

Have you considered counselling?

I'm struggling to understand how you haven't developed a tolerance and that drinking a large glass of wine a night has any real effect. I know it's not ideal especially if you can't stop this needs to be addressed. But it's not a huge amount of alcohol, many people drink several units more a week and would be horrified at the suggestion it might be an issue. That's not me saying you don't have a problem, you obviously do - but could it be that you're drinking a little more than that?

It's great that you have posted, and that you are aware of the potential impact on the people around you. Those are good first steps.

Don't be put off from seeking help by the posts which seem critical. People will have their own baggage associated with alcohol, and the issues that you are raising will be triggering for some.

And it isn't ridiculous. It's an illness, and willpower alone probably isn't enough to cure it. You need help from people who will understand. The good news is, that help is out there if you can find the courage to seek it.

I'm sure you love your kids, so if you can't find the strength to do it for yourself, please find the strength to it for them. You won't regret it.

If your hiding it your an acoholic. Seek help.
if you can’t do anything responsible then no you can’t function well. Don’t excuse it with stress - your an alcoholic and unless you face it head on it’ll get worse.

Can he not smell it on your breath?

The fact she’s hiding it shows it’s a problem and she said she can’t stop.

You’re not FUN or relaxed, you’re drunk…..

I could always see as soon as my Dad had a drink even if everyone else thought he was funny…….

Im 50 now and my Dad wasted so many years the same way and died at 67 never meeting his Grandkids!

I’m willing to bet it’s more than a large glass of wine

is your job and life quite stressful OP?

It isn't helpful to minimise the problem. The OP is drinking secretly and says she can't stop. That isn't what a healthy relationship with alcohol looks like.

I grew up with an alcoholic father….my friends knew and thought he was funny.
I can tell you it wasn’t funny to me.

Stop thinking about YOU and think about your children.

Honestly nothing worse than a drunk/ alcoholic parent not giving a toss about how it affects their kids. You’re the adult FFS

U need serious help and need to take it serious also. U are on a very slippery rope here.

You’re not being unreasonable to recognise you need help.

Perhaps this thread is the first small step in telling someone, even though this is safely anonymous?

Hopefully someone who has been through this can advise you who to talk to first?

I lived with an alcoholic for a couple of months when I was much younger. She drank a lot but I think she must have developed a high tolerance for it. She never appeared to be drunk.

She did get help, I believe, and I understand that she is teetotal now, though I'm no longer in contact.

1/3 of a bottle - so thats a large glass of wine? I dont think thats too bad. Could you go a day without drinking? Is it a habit or addiction? Is it likely to lead to a bottle of wine+ a night?