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Original poster

School's punishment of all boys in year 6

605 replies

htdt · 16/05/2025 17:28

My son is in Year 6 and has done SATS this week, today was meant to be a fun day for them as they've finished all the papers.

But my son came back from school really upset as the teachers had separated the girls and boys and he says the girls got to do fun activities and given treats but the boys got told off and given a lesson on respect.

He's taken this badly and has said things like 'I must be bad because I'm a boy'.

It's such a shame because he's worked really hard and was otherwise enjoying SATS week, but now feels horrible about himself, the teachers who told them off and the girls getting rewarded when all the boys were punished.

I feel like I need to speak to the school next week and find out what's gone on and why. I also feel like making a complaint. But I'm not sure what they are going to do to make things better even if they did agree with me that it was not a great way to deal with some boy's bad behaviour and also very bad timing so should I just forget about it...?

OP posts:
DeffoNeedANameChange · 16/05/2025 18:31

I'm sorry, I just don't believe that all teachers and TAs involved knew for definite that he wasn't involved and still happily involved him in the punishment.

ChillWith · 16/05/2025 18:31

Find out what happened before you decide to complain. Meanwhile celebrate end of SATS with your son.

Original poster
htdt · 16/05/2025 18:30

JHound · 16/05/2025 18:23

Did you just call the school?

Show quote history

No I was there in person, the only person available to talk to was the TA

OP posts:
WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 16/05/2025 18:29

htdt · 16/05/2025 17:59

Yeah, I'm going to have to find a way to diplomatically complain.

This has totally back fired with my son. He has always had close friendships with girls and is always kind.

From talking to the TA there's really no big issue other than that some of the boys complain if girls join in and aren't kind to them in general

It's such a shame because I generally have loved this school but I feel really angry with them for this. It has soured the end of SATS week and just made my son feel like rubbish.

Just send an email to begin with to clarify exactly what happened today. How much of the day did the boys actually miss, what prompted the consequence , and if they are aware not all the boys were involved in whatever happened, why did they decide that collective punishment was a good solution. Depending on their reply (probably not until Monday afternoon/evening) you can decide what to do next.

Original poster
htdt · 16/05/2025 18:29

The TA is one of the TA's for year 6, she acted like she knew what it was about. But I will speak to the school next week when a head of year is available to find out for sure. She said in this year group boys had been mean to girls, in general and used an example that they wouldn't let girls join in with football at break times.

She acknowledged that my son had done nothing wrong and everyone knew he wasn't involved.

I am a feminist, I've brought my son up to understand the history of women's rights and how women have been and still are treated. He has good friendships with girls and he does support them. I do think some posters are going a bit over the top to suggest a 10 year old should be held responsible for sexism though.

OP posts:
Elasticatedtrousers · 16/05/2025 18:28

I’d be VERY careful before complaining and hearing something you don’t want to hear!

I would not complain but speak to the teacher or head. Then decide on a course of action.

Swiftie1878 · 16/05/2025 18:28

htdt · 16/05/2025 17:59

Yeah, I'm going to have to find a way to diplomatically complain.

This has totally back fired with my son. He has always had close friendships with girls and is always kind.

From talking to the TA there's really no big issue other than that some of the boys complain if girls join in and aren't kind to them in general

It's such a shame because I generally have loved this school but I feel really angry with them for this. It has soured the end of SATS week and just made my son feel like rubbish.

You shouldn’t be planning to ‘diplomatically complain’ until you’ve heard what the school has to say about what has happened.
Find out, and then decide what you need to do.

DeffoNeedANameChange · 16/05/2025 18:27

You need to speak to the school. My immediate suspicion would be that your son probably wasn't innocently caught up in a group punishment.

privatenonamegiven · 16/05/2025 18:27

dancebob1980 · 16/05/2025 18:13

I come from a family of teachers, and generally support that teachers know what they are doing, but I have also seen some teachers with antiquated ideas, shall we say.

A teacher at my son's school kept threatening a whole class detention if some were noisy, for example. The head of year soon put a stop to that when informed. As she said, that's a thing of the past that we have moved on from.

In this case I would definitely complain. Firstly, collective punishment when they know your son was innocent, for example, is wrong. Secondly, removing an earned reward as an (unearned) consequence for unrelated behaviour is wrong. Thirdly, dividing down gender lines is wrong, old fashioned, and harmful in so many ways (including for the feelings it has raised in your son); it also plays into the "incel" narrative that we should try to protect our boys from. Unless they know for sure that every single boy did something wrong that warranted consequences, and that none of the girls did, there is no excuse for such gendered consequences. Instead, I am willing to bet that the boys that are being unpleasant to the girls are also being mean to some of the other boys (including your son?) too.

I would want a guarantee that it would not happen again, and acknowledgement that it was wrong. I would want a replacement/reinstatement of the SATS reward for my son. And, ideally, an apology for my son. I would contact the head and/or a governor to complain (informally or formally, whichever i thought would be most effectice). I would tell my son what I was doing, and discuss with him why it was wrong. I would make sure I rewarded him for his hard SATS work, making it clear that he deserved the reward even if school removed the reward they promised.

This 100%

AdoraBell · 16/05/2025 18:26

As others have suggested, speak to the teacher or HT and ask why this was done.

GiddyCrab · 16/05/2025 18:26

MonteStory · 16/05/2025 17:34

Nothing like enough information:
what happened for them to need a lesson?
were they separated for 10 minutes, an hour or the whole day?
Were all the boys genuinely involved in whatever happened?

I think you should speak to the school as the reward was for doing the sats, which he did therefore he should receive his award. Also whole group punishments are just a crap of dealing with stuff. They should have chosen a different day to deal with it. BUT my level of complaint would depend entirely on the answers to the above and my own sons involvement.

Exactly this.

Iloveagoodnap · 16/05/2025 18:26

This reminds me a bit of when my son was in Y6 and all the girls had to promise to stay off SnapChat for a week as there’d been some bullying going on. At the end of the week they got to have a party after school and the boys just went home. I pointed out to the teacher that my son had also stayed off SnapChat all week - as he didn’t have a smart phone let alone social media apps - so surely he should have been allowed to join in? There was talk of something else being done another day for the boys but then Covid hit so that was the end of that!

Tripleblue · 16/05/2025 18:25

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TheignT · 16/05/2025 18:25

littlemousebigcheese · 16/05/2025 18:18

‘aren’t kind to them in general’ - sounds to me like minimising. Maybe your son isn’t involved but we have to start cracking down on sexism, misogyny and incel movement. Teachers would not do a day like this because a few boys said girls can’t play football, absolute nonsense, as your later comment indicates. I’m fed up of the abuse women and girls face on a daily bloody basis and boys need to learn about respect and consent and kindness before it’s too late. Good for your son on being kind but don’t let him become an entitled ‘nice guy’ who expects praise heaped on because he sees women as equal. We praise the bare minimum and then wonder why women and girls are treated appallingly,

Seems pretty sexist to me to punish children who have done nothing wrong simply because of their sex.

JudgeJ · 16/05/2025 18:25

SendBooksAndTea · 16/05/2025 17:44

The Geneva Convention only applies to armed conflict.

Show quote history

You've clearly never done break duty!!!!

TheignT · 16/05/2025 18:24

ChocolateCinderToffee · 16/05/2025 18:19

When I was at school, all the boys in one class were caned one day because none of them would own up to something.

Maybe for your son, it's a case of learning to take the rough with the smooth.

No he shouldn't just learn to take it.

TheignT · 16/05/2025 18:23

htdt · 16/05/2025 17:59

Yeah, I'm going to have to find a way to diplomatically complain.

This has totally back fired with my son. He has always had close friendships with girls and is always kind.

From talking to the TA there's really no big issue other than that some of the boys complain if girls join in and aren't kind to them in general

It's such a shame because I generally have loved this school but I feel really angry with them for this. It has soured the end of SATS week and just made my son feel like rubbish.

I wouldn't bother with the diplomacy. I'd just complain as that is really unfair. I wonder if the girls ever get a collective punishment?

JHound · 16/05/2025 18:23

htdt · 16/05/2025 17:39

Apparently some boys have said to girls that they can't play football...

My son doesn't even play football.

They were separated for the majority of the day.

I spoke to a TA as there was no one else available and she said they knew my son hadn't done anything wrong

Did you just call the school?

JHound · 16/05/2025 18:21

I would absolutely take it up with the school to get to the bottom of things. It seems bonkers to me to punish all the boys in a year group for the behaviour of some. Could your some have misinterpreted?

Whyherewego · 16/05/2025 18:20

That's appalling if true ! So find out if it's true and if so complain

ChocolateCinderToffee · 16/05/2025 18:19

When I was at school, all the boys in one class were caned one day because none of them would own up to something.

Maybe for your son, it's a case of learning to take the rough with the smooth.

thegirlwithemousyhair · 16/05/2025 18:19

Unacceptable. Definitely complain.

OneFunBrickNewt · 16/05/2025 18:19

TAs don't always know the whole story....

littlemousebigcheese · 16/05/2025 18:18

‘aren’t kind to them in general’ - sounds to me like minimising. Maybe your son isn’t involved but we have to start cracking down on sexism, misogyny and incel movement. Teachers would not do a day like this because a few boys said girls can’t play football, absolute nonsense, as your later comment indicates. I’m fed up of the abuse women and girls face on a daily bloody basis and boys need to learn about respect and consent and kindness before it’s too late. Good for your son on being kind but don’t let him become an entitled ‘nice guy’ who expects praise heaped on because he sees women as equal. We praise the bare minimum and then wonder why women and girls are treated appallingly,

dancebob1980 · 16/05/2025 18:13

I come from a family of teachers, and generally support that teachers know what they are doing, but I have also seen some teachers with antiquated ideas, shall we say.

A teacher at my son's school kept threatening a whole class detention if some were noisy, for example. The head of year soon put a stop to that when informed. As she said, that's a thing of the past that we have moved on from.

In this case I would definitely complain. Firstly, collective punishment when they know your son was innocent, for example, is wrong. Secondly, removing an earned reward as an (unearned) consequence for unrelated behaviour is wrong. Thirdly, dividing down gender lines is wrong, old fashioned, and harmful in so many ways (including for the feelings it has raised in your son); it also plays into the "incel" narrative that we should try to protect our boys from. Unless they know for sure that every single boy did something wrong that warranted consequences, and that none of the girls did, there is no excuse for such gendered consequences. Instead, I am willing to bet that the boys that are being unpleasant to the girls are also being mean to some of the other boys (including your son?) too.

I would want a guarantee that it would not happen again, and acknowledgement that it was wrong. I would want a replacement/reinstatement of the SATS reward for my son. And, ideally, an apology for my son. I would contact the head and/or a governor to complain (informally or formally, whichever i thought would be most effectice). I would tell my son what I was doing, and discuss with him why it was wrong. I would make sure I rewarded him for his hard SATS work, making it clear that he deserved the reward even if school removed the reward they promised.