Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School's punishment of all boys in year 6

605 replies

htdt · 16/05/2025 17:28

My son is in Year 6 and has done SATS this week, today was meant to be a fun day for them as they've finished all the papers.

But my son came back from school really upset as the teachers had separated the girls and boys and he says the girls got to do fun activities and given treats but the boys got told off and given a lesson on respect.

He's taken this badly and has said things like 'I must be bad because I'm a boy'.

It's such a shame because he's worked really hard and was otherwise enjoying SATS week, but now feels horrible about himself, the teachers who told them off and the girls getting rewarded when all the boys were punished.

I feel like I need to speak to the school next week and find out what's gone on and why. I also feel like making a complaint. But I'm not sure what they are going to do to make things better even if they did agree with me that it was not a great way to deal with some boy's bad behaviour and also very bad timing so should I just forget about it...?

OP posts:
jenrobin · 19/05/2025 20:12

htdt · 19/05/2025 19:17

I think it's very likely the 'telling off' and the activities weren't linked.

I don't mean to be back peddling at all, just unsure where to take this now, it's hard to tell someone that there was definitely a 'telling off' when they're saying there wasn't as I wasn't there when it happened. And I didn't mention the TA in my discussion because after all the comments on here I didn't want to end up maybe getting her in trouble!

My son's response has been to look aghast and reel off all the things that were said that he considered a 'telling off', all of which sound awful and I pretty much feel back at square one.

But also my son is much less bothered by this all now he's been back at school and I'm not sure what benefit there will be to pursue it. Although I really would love to know exactly what did happen and was said I'm not sure I'm ever going to.

No I don't think your back pedalling at all. I think when you spoke to the teachers they said it wasn't meant as a punishment and meant it, and you could hear the truth of it in their voice, or at the very least they were sure enough to call it "not a punishment" that you felt you couldn't argue with them. I also think your son absolutely viewed it as a punishment! I'm with your son, as far as my vote goes tbh.

The problem is that rewards are very often mishandled and cause huge offense. You only have to think of rewards schemes in workplaces to get my drift. Giving out uneven rewards to just one gender was a very poor move, but it sounds like the teachers don't view going without rewards whilst doing something else as a punishment. They're absolutely wrong, but it's the type of wrong which is vastly better than deciding to punish just boys deliberately.

Then, they decided to have a respect lesson, but instead of phrasing it all positively, they dragged up some old example of negative behaviour, which should already have been dealt with, and buried. Dragging it all up again on what should have been a fun day, making the boys all feel blamed, complicit and implying that's why they had to do the activities. Meanwhile the teachers think what a great, relevant example to learn from.

I was aghast at the initial story from your son, but I feel much less so now that it was likely ignorance and mishandling rather than a more aggressive targeting of the boys but I'm not sure why that is to be honest. It's still the same effect..

Orangesinthebag · 19/05/2025 20:02

FrippEnos · 19/05/2025 19:29

Given what the OP posted and the follow up by the school, something has definitely gone on and the school is not telling the full story here.

Show quote history

Really? From her most recent updates it very much sounds like her son got the wrong end of the stick and/or exaggerated what went on.
Some people seem unhappy with that explanation though and are desperate for it to be a dark, sinister practice by the school.
Interestingly, the OP doesn't seem to be one of those people....

Mumofteenandtween · 19/05/2025 19:36

Do you not have any contact with other parents? Surely this is something that you can check?

FrippEnos · 19/05/2025 19:29

Orangesinthebag · 19/05/2025 18:40

Well, the back tracking all seems to be by the OP doesn't it?

She seems to have accepted what they said so maybe she just got swept along with the OTT outrage that was whipped up on here the other night.
If she's not angry or upset about it now I'm not sure why strangers on the internet are?

Show quote history

Given what the OP posted and the follow up by the school, something has definitely gone on and the school is not telling the full story here.

Orangesinthebag · 19/05/2025 19:23

htdt · 19/05/2025 19:17

I think it's very likely the 'telling off' and the activities weren't linked.

I don't mean to be back peddling at all, just unsure where to take this now, it's hard to tell someone that there was definitely a 'telling off' when they're saying there wasn't as I wasn't there when it happened. And I didn't mention the TA in my discussion because after all the comments on here I didn't want to end up maybe getting her in trouble!

My son's response has been to look aghast and reel off all the things that were said that he considered a 'telling off', all of which sound awful and I pretty much feel back at square one.

But also my son is much less bothered by this all now he's been back at school and I'm not sure what benefit there will be to pursue it. Although I really would love to know exactly what did happen and was said I'm not sure I'm ever going to.

I think the key thing here is that your son isn't bothered now.
Emotions were no doubt running high with him and his friends at the end of SATS week but now the dust has settled & he's had the weekend to recover he's clearly fine.

I think just leave it now & move on.

DrPrunesqualer · 19/05/2025 19:21

htdt · 19/05/2025 19:17

I think it's very likely the 'telling off' and the activities weren't linked.

I don't mean to be back peddling at all, just unsure where to take this now, it's hard to tell someone that there was definitely a 'telling off' when they're saying there wasn't as I wasn't there when it happened. And I didn't mention the TA in my discussion because after all the comments on here I didn't want to end up maybe getting her in trouble!

My son's response has been to look aghast and reel off all the things that were said that he considered a 'telling off', all of which sound awful and I pretty much feel back at square one.

But also my son is much less bothered by this all now he's been back at school and I'm not sure what benefit there will be to pursue it. Although I really would love to know exactly what did happen and was said I'm not sure I'm ever going to.

Why don’t you ask some other parents.
Both of boys and girls if you have contact.

That would have been my first port of call tbh

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 19/05/2025 19:20

This whole post is very confusing. Drop feeds of information that are conflicting. We still don’t really know what happened. I think your child overreacted and so did you.

FrippEnos · 19/05/2025 19:19

MonteStory · 19/05/2025 14:01

Right but that’s a completely different point. You said it wouldn’t have happened without SLT involvement.

i agree they shouldnt be organising mass punishments and if something is genuinely a big enough issue to affect the whole year then you’d expect SLT to have an idea of what’s going on. But at the same time, SLT should be trusting their professional staff to make their own decisions. I wouldnt work in a school which required me to run everything by SLT. But I also wouldn’t work in one that did mass punishments.

Show quote history

IMO opinion its not a different point and would paint a much worse picture of the school than we already have.

Original poster
htdt · 19/05/2025 19:17

I think it's very likely the 'telling off' and the activities weren't linked.

I don't mean to be back peddling at all, just unsure where to take this now, it's hard to tell someone that there was definitely a 'telling off' when they're saying there wasn't as I wasn't there when it happened. And I didn't mention the TA in my discussion because after all the comments on here I didn't want to end up maybe getting her in trouble!

My son's response has been to look aghast and reel off all the things that were said that he considered a 'telling off', all of which sound awful and I pretty much feel back at square one.

But also my son is much less bothered by this all now he's been back at school and I'm not sure what benefit there will be to pursue it. Although I really would love to know exactly what did happen and was said I'm not sure I'm ever going to.

OP posts:
Orangesinthebag · 19/05/2025 19:09

DrPrunesqualer · 19/05/2025 18:49

We’re all different. Maybe OP feels like she’s making a fuss and doesn’t want to be seen to be rocking the boat.

Personally I feel this is a legitimate query and ultimately worthy of a complaint assuming the TA on Friday wasn’t lying of course and those ice creams and sweats OPs dc saw were actually just a mirage

Edited
Show quote history

Maybe there were two things that happened that weren't linked - boys got told off for leaving girls out of football & OP's son wasn't one of these so the TA was right to say he wasn't involved when spoken to.
Then for whatever reason the boys and girls did separate activities for the pm.

The ice creams, well, who knows but it's not that deep if there wasn't a mass punishment issue
Ths might just be a generous teacher / parent buying them out & not communicating that to the other group.

Riaanna · 19/05/2025 19:07

jenrobin · 19/05/2025 18:25

This is the bit bothering me though. If the respect lesson/activities came across wrongly, and as more of a telling off, and the girls also got their SATs reward when separated from the boys... those things could all be genuine mistakes by the teachers and a bit of fuckwittery during a busy week. But if the boys actually spoke up about their perception of the day, and reminded teachers they'd actually had their reward pulled, then they really should have been listened to and the penny should have dropped.

Show quote history

This is the bit that makes it really clear the OP is back peddling.

Riaanna · 19/05/2025 19:06

Thatcannotberight · 19/05/2025 18:23

@Wildflower PHSE puberty lesson is yr 5 these days.

It is repeated in year 6.

DrPrunesqualer · 19/05/2025 18:49

Orangesinthebag · 19/05/2025 18:40

Well, the back tracking all seems to be by the OP doesn't it?

She seems to have accepted what they said so maybe she just got swept along with the OTT outrage that was whipped up on here the other night.
If she's not angry or upset about it now I'm not sure why strangers on the internet are?

Show quote history

We’re all different. Maybe OP feels like she’s making a fuss and doesn’t want to be seen to be rocking the boat.

Personally I feel this is a legitimate query and ultimately worthy of a complaint assuming the TA on Friday wasn’t lying of course and those ice creams and sweats OPs dc saw were actually just a mirage

CandyCane457 · 19/05/2025 18:48

htdt · 19/05/2025 16:19

Yes, it does, I'm not sure what to think. I'm guessing that the activities were already planned for boys and girls separately and it's just there's been some communication issue around them.

Show quote history

But your son came home upset? And told you all the boys had been told off? And he was punished just because he’s a boy?

But there was actually… no punishment? This isn’t adding up. Is it possible your son just preferred the activity the girls were doing so he’s embellished his story a little to get some sympathy?

Orangesinthebag · 19/05/2025 18:40

DrPrunesqualer · 19/05/2025 18:22

It’s obvious their excuse is all a bunch of lies. You only have to piece together what OP could find out last week to see the two don’t stack up at all.

Show quote history

Well, the back tracking all seems to be by the OP doesn't it?

She seems to have accepted what they said so maybe she just got swept along with the OTT outrage that was whipped up on here the other night.
If she's not angry or upset about it now I'm not sure why strangers on the internet are?

DrPrunesqualer · 19/05/2025 18:27

jenrobin · 19/05/2025 18:25

This is the bit bothering me though. If the respect lesson/activities came across wrongly, and as more of a telling off, and the girls also got their SATs reward when separated from the boys... those things could all be genuine mistakes by the teachers and a bit of fuckwittery during a busy week. But if the boys actually spoke up about their perception of the day, and reminded teachers they'd actually had their reward pulled, then they really should have been listened to and the penny should have dropped.

Show quote history

and to add to that
Wouldn't the penny also have dropped when they saw they had 100 melting ice creams and a loud of sweats left over
😱

jenrobin · 19/05/2025 18:25

htdt · 17/05/2025 12:24

Oh, also some people have queried why the 'good' boys didn't talk to the teachers and say this was unfair.

My son says some boys did question it, and were told to stop complaining and that if they carried on answering back then they'd miss break for a month

This is the bit bothering me though. If the respect lesson/activities came across wrongly, and as more of a telling off, and the girls also got their SATs reward when separated from the boys... those things could all be genuine mistakes by the teachers and a bit of fuckwittery during a busy week. But if the boys actually spoke up about their perception of the day, and reminded teachers they'd actually had their reward pulled, then they really should have been listened to and the penny should have dropped.

Thatcannotberight · 19/05/2025 18:23

@Wildflower PHSE puberty lesson is yr 5 these days.

DrPrunesqualer · 19/05/2025 18:23

Banrockmystation · 19/05/2025 18:21

Then you must not have an 11 year old boy because I can quite easily see mine saying this.

Show quote history

I’ve got three and I can confirm this too!

DrPrunesqualer · 19/05/2025 18:22

Orangesinthebag · 19/05/2025 18:10

Sounds exactly as some of us predicted.

Amazing how many posters were ready to go mad at the school though, shows how little trust and respect there is for teachers these days.

Show quote history

It’s obvious their excuse is all a bunch of lies. You only have to piece together what OP could find out last week to see the two don’t stack up at all.

Banrockmystation · 19/05/2025 18:21

SushiDisco · 16/05/2025 18:00

@He's taken this badly and has said things like 'I must be bad because I'm a boy'.”

This sounds like something my 5 year old would say…Is he quite younge for his age? I just can’t imagine any 10/11 year old saying that.

Then you must not have an 11 year old boy because I can quite easily see mine saying this.

WeHaveTheRabbit · 19/05/2025 18:17

WildflowerConstellations · 19/05/2025 18:03

Did the TA actually say it was a punishment though?

Show quote history

Apparently so. From one of the OP's posts: the TA I spoke to confirmed that the punishment was not meant for him, he just got lumped in with the other boys, as did some other 'nice' boys.

DrPrunesqualer · 19/05/2025 18:16

WildflowerConstellations · 19/05/2025 18:03

Did the TA actually say it was a punishment though?

Show quote history

According to OPs post the TA said her son hadn’t done anything wrong when OP made the query

Why would she say that. It really makes no sense for the TA to allude to a punishment that apparently now didn’t happen 🫤

Nor does it make sense that the girls got the sweats and ice creams but the boys didn’t.
The school sounds terrible

IButtleSir · 19/05/2025 18:12

Your update makes absolutely no sense given what you previously said has happened. What does your son say about it?

If the school's story is true, what the fuck kind of school in 2025 decided this was acceptable?!

@htdt, surely you aren't happy with this response?

Riaanna · 19/05/2025 18:11

Orangesinthebag · 19/05/2025 18:10

Sounds exactly as some of us predicted.

Amazing how many posters were ready to go mad at the school though, shows how little trust and respect there is for teachers these days.

Show quote history

Exactly this!