Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only put energy into myself?

58 replies

AvidOpalMentor · 16/05/2025 14:07

Lately, I’ve realised that I prioritise my own growth, happiness, and wellbeing over anything else. I used to invest energy in others but now I focus more on myself. It’s a shift that feels right but I know it might be seen as selfish. AIBU or is this just a necessary part of self-care?

OP posts:
Dreichweather · 16/05/2025 14:30

AvidOpalMentor · 16/05/2025 14:16

I get what you’re saying but I think there’s a difference between abandoning your responsibilities and simply not pouring all your energy into everyone else first. Even if you’re married or have kids, you still deserve to prioritise your wellbeing. In fact, I’d argue it makes you more present and grounded in those roles, not less. Self-neglect doesn’t serve anyone long term.

Show quote history

Putting all your energy into yourself isn’t just prioritising yourself, it’s not putting any energy into others. You can have energy for others and yourself.

Noodleit · 16/05/2025 14:29

AvidOpalMentor · 16/05/2025 14:17

Not at all - it’s actually the oppposite. I’ve found that when I focus on myself, I have more clarity about who and what I genuinely want in my life. I still care deeply about others but I’ve stopped overextending or abandoning myself in the process. That’s not loneliness - it’s self-respect. You can love people and choose to invest in yourself first.

Show quote history

It all sounds quite dramatic

I love prioritising others, and always my children, but it’s not at my expense because they give back to me in their own particular ways too

Noodleit · 16/05/2025 14:28

You are evading whether you have a partner (and happy with said partner!) and children?

Original poster
AvidOpalMentor · 16/05/2025 14:17

Noodleit · 16/05/2025 14:09

Sounds lonely to me

no partner? Children? Close friends or family that you truly love and care about?

Not at all - it’s actually the oppposite. I’ve found that when I focus on myself, I have more clarity about who and what I genuinely want in my life. I still care deeply about others but I’ve stopped overextending or abandoning myself in the process. That’s not loneliness - it’s self-respect. You can love people and choose to invest in yourself first.

OP posts:
Original poster
AvidOpalMentor · 16/05/2025 14:16

Agix · 16/05/2025 14:09

Depends. Do you have kids? Are you married? Then YABU.

I get what you’re saying but I think there’s a difference between abandoning your responsibilities and simply not pouring all your energy into everyone else first. Even if you’re married or have kids, you still deserve to prioritise your wellbeing. In fact, I’d argue it makes you more present and grounded in those roles, not less. Self-neglect doesn’t serve anyone long term.

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 16/05/2025 14:15

Depends what you mean by 'invest energy in others' and who the 'others' are. If you've got a partner and kids then clearly it's not really feasible/fair to completely ignore their needs and YABU.

But if you mean just taking a bit of a step back from things like doing constant favours for friends or spending all your time listening to other people's problems while never getting a moment for your own mental wellbeing, then YANBU at all.

I would just remember to be aware that if you don't invest energy in others, they probably won't invest their energy back in you either, so don't necessarily count on the support of others if you aren't supporting them. But it really does depend on your individual circumstances and relationships I think, and what 'investing energy' actually means for you.

Noodleit · 16/05/2025 14:09

Sounds lonely to me

no partner? Children? Close friends or family that you truly love and care about?

Agix · 16/05/2025 14:09

Depends. Do you have kids? Are you married? Then YABU.