To only put energy into myself?

I suspect this is an unhappy OP

I do find that some people equate ‘self-care’ or ‘putting themselves first’ with never having to do anything that mildly puts them out or they don’t want to do even if it’s important to others. And then wonder why their family members or friends have become distant, when they basically opt out of anything that isn’t ideally timed, placed, whatever.

Balance is important, as in all things. But part of my self-care is taking care of relationships as friends and family are important to me, and I wouldn’t actually be putting myself first if I let those lapse. So naturally I put energy into those things and into other people.

It makes a difference if you have a partner or dc because seeing as you said you ONLY put energy into yourself then you are unreasonable.
Ifyou don’t have a partner and dc, then fair enough though I also put energy into my wider family, friendships and even some into work colleagues, as well as myself.

Impossible to say whether this is unreasonable without knowing whether you have children and, vitally, what 'more energy' actually means in real terms. Spending more energy on yourself could mean anything really.

People who talk about growth , self care , prioritising themselves … often it’s an excuse to be wholly selfish .
Whilst everyone should make time for themselves for their own wellbeing and no one should be a slave to their family - the fact is if you have a partner / kids you will often naturally prioritise their needs over your own . Unless you are particularly self obsessed and selfish .

Can you give some examples?

I’ve read the op and don’t see what the issue is. If this is something that she wants to do and is happy doing then crack on with it. Could it cause problems in her relationships? Possibly but that’s Ops problem. Plenty of people do this, women, men, parents and Childfree. They probably aren’t as open about it though.

I’ve so far today put two pieces of fried chicken, a serving of carrots and peas, and two cappuccinos into me. That’s about 800kcal of energy I’ve put into myself?

Later today I will put more energy into myself, and some other units of energy in front of though not into other members of my family. (Probably in the form of beef bourguignon, possibly with mash.)

You're trying to pitch this now as you believing that if you're happy and fulfilled, you can be a good partner/mother etc. which most of us would agree - you can't be good to other people ifyou're half dead from exhaustion/stress etc.

But your OP says, "Lately, I’ve realised that I prioritise my own growth, happiness, and wellbeing over anything else. I used to invest energy in others but now I focus more on myself."

So no, I don't agree with you. I don't prioritise myself over "anything else". And I absolutely DO "invest energy in others". Don't mean I can't ALSO prioritise self care and looking after myself, but I certainly dont' centre that in every decision.

Theres such a thing as neglecting our own needs in favour of everyone else’s but there’s also such a thing as being self obsessed which is not good for anyone. I don’t that it is possible to make a blanket statement about this balance.

If you read the op it’s more than prioritising her “growth” (shudder)

Depends if you have a partner/child. I’m a mum and a wife, I don’t prioritise myself all of the time no- my priority is my children which really is how it should be.

When you have a partner and children I think it’s about finding a balance.

What does this look like in reality if you do have children Op?

I am out in garden. It’s beautiful. I’m sunbathing on mumsnet and it’s bliss. Would I like to continue? Hell yes

but I’m going to prioritise picking up my teen from tennis club, and then another teen from chess club. But it doesn’t feel like a hardship because they’re both the loves of my life and I love them doing things that interest them

@Noodleit op didn’t say she doesn’t love or care about people. Said she wants to prioritise her growth. Which I think is a good thing. How can care and love others but not to the same to yourself?

As with most things in life, there is a balance to find. Sometimes you need to prioritise yourself, and sometimes you may need to prioritise others.

I presume the op doesn’t have children

otherwise… it’s all a bit weird

Thank you, this!!

If you have kids, which it sounds like it does from your answer, then you’re not putting all your energy into yourself. As otherwise your kids would be neglected. So your title is disingenuous.

Prioritising yourself is fine and I agree that’s important for a happy functioning wife and mother.

If you aren’t a wife and/or mother, also crack on, what else are you gonna prioritise??

We are all the only person we’re going to be with for our whole lives. We’ve got to look after ourselves.

odd.

Dramatic and all so black and white.
mi suspect you are lonely op but prefer to sell it to yourself as prioritising yourself op

so… go for it and enjoy

It sounds quite intense. I can’t say I actively “put energy into myself” or “practice self care”, I just live my life how I want to in a way which suits me, and broadly part of that is cultivating meaningful relationships and social interactions with other people. A lot of the therapy-talk around this stuff seems unnecessarily complex and adversarial.

That sounds pretty uncontroversial to me, but any energy I invest in relationships with other people is almost always very rewarding. I don’t view investing in others as divesting myself.

What you've described sounds very sensible and reasonable.

Sometimes people say it's self-care and putting themselves first when they are actually being inconsiderate or uncaring towards others, but that doesn't sound like what you're doing.

It all depends on the person's starting point - some people could say "I'm putting myself first" and I'd think brilliant, at last, they will stop letting people walk all over them. Other people could say "I'm putting myself first" and I'd think wtf, haven't you always done that?!

It's important to remember that genuine, mutual relationships are a good thing though. Having each other's backs in hard times. Enjoying the good times together. So a little effort can be worth it where it's reciprocated in the long run. (It does sound like you're doing that, just not "overextending" yourself.)

Look into the philosophy of stoicism and you'll find parallels with what you're doing here.

it is not selfish to focus on self.

if you don't care about or give of yourself to others in any way, that's probably going to set you up for loneliness but it isn't selfish to prioritise your needs.