Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you found your neurotribe?

65 replies

MaybeND · 16/05/2025 07:49

I’ve been seeing a therapist recently who says I am neurodivergent. Instead of getting dependent on her, she thinks it would be more beneficial for me to just take some sertraline and find my neurotribe for some peer support. She’s suggested I look on MeetUp.com. I’ve tried this but the nearest ND meet up is over an hour away from me which is not ideal as I have a baby and small child. There are some things on Zoom and I’m wondering how good those are as a substitute?

How have others here found their neurotribes? And how long did it take before you felt like they were really a source of support? I feel as if she’s talking as if I’ll just go to one meet up and instantly get sorted with a great new friendship group who are all living in each other's pockets. Whereas I feel the reality may be rather different and that I may not even end up exchanging numbers with anyone the first time. It could take quite a while to find people I really click with even amongst other neurodivergents and then to take time to get to properly get to know them.

Am I sounding overly pessimistic? How has it been for others?

OP posts:
x2boys · 16/05/2025 08:10

MaybeND · 16/05/2025 07:49

I’ve been seeing a therapist recently who says I am neurodivergent. Instead of getting dependent on her, she thinks it would be more beneficial for me to just take some sertraline and find my neurotribe for some peer support. She’s suggested I look on MeetUp.com. I’ve tried this but the nearest ND meet up is over an hour away from me which is not ideal as I have a baby and small child. There are some things on Zoom and I’m wondering how good those are as a substitute?

How have others here found their neurotribes? And how long did it take before you felt like they were really a source of support? I feel as if she’s talking as if I’ll just go to one meet up and instantly get sorted with a great new friendship group who are all living in each other's pockets. Whereas I feel the reality may be rather different and that I may not even end up exchanging numbers with anyone the first time. It could take quite a while to find people I really click with even amongst other neurodivergents and then to take time to get to properly get to know them.

Am I sounding overly pessimistic? How has it been for others?

The therapist isn't in anyway qualified to say that if you think.you maybe ND seek,an assesment.

ChocolateMagnum · 16/05/2025 08:10

She sounds awful! However, being diagnosed and finding other people who have does help many women at last feel like they fit in somewhere after decades of always feeling just outside of every group they're in. But ditch her. Find another therapist, read about autism and ADHD in women and think about whether seeking an assessment might be the right thing for you. Be kind to yourself x

SunnieShine · 16/05/2025 08:08

soupyspoon · 16/05/2025 08:02

I mean 'neurotribe' !!!

FFS

Yep, I have ADHD and have never seen it as a "tribe". Nor a "superpower", I might add.

Piul · 16/05/2025 08:06

MaybeND · 16/05/2025 08:03

She’s nearly 60, has been a doing this her entire career, is ND herself and could detect without doubt within 10 minutes of meeting me that I am also ND. I was right there on her A-dar.

She says for the sake of the ND community I should get myself an official diagnosis though as it’s not really fair to them to have self-diagnosed dabbling in.

Show quote history

She’s honestly terrible, seek a formal diagnosis, so you know one way or another, because she doesn’t know, they’re fairly long, forms etc because you can’t just magically sense autistic people.

Pinkrabitt · 16/05/2025 08:05

soupyspoon · 16/05/2025 08:02

Well you might be ND, you might not, but instead of viewing people through a divisive ND vs NT lens, why not just find groups or meet ups or hobbies that will fit around your current life style and routines and interests

Where has this trend for seeing people's disorders as identities come from? I think its really toxic

This.

Feliciacat · 16/05/2025 08:05

She says you should get diagnosed for the ND community’s sake? A diagnosis should only be sought if you feel it would benefit you. She sounds like a therapist who lets personal feelings get in the way of her advice.

ifyoudont · 16/05/2025 08:04

I mean it’s definitely a good idea to find other women with young babies around in the daytime you can lean on for support. Some of which may be ND but I don’t think they all need to be

Original poster
MaybeND · 16/05/2025 08:03

Ddakji · 16/05/2025 07:57

So you don’t have an official diagnosis, just what a therapist thinks?

I would be very wary of going hunting for any online tribe of self-diagnosed people.

She’s nearly 60, has been a doing this her entire career, is ND herself and could detect without doubt within 10 minutes of meeting me that I am also ND. I was right there on her A-dar.

She says for the sake of the ND community I should get myself an official diagnosis though as it’s not really fair to them to have self-diagnosed dabbling in.

OP posts:
soupyspoon · 16/05/2025 08:02

I mean 'neurotribe' !!!

FFS

Piul · 16/05/2025 08:02

She sounds a pretty shit therapist tbh, I’d change therapists, if you want to make friends I’d go for more hobby based things.

soupyspoon · 16/05/2025 08:02

Well you might be ND, you might not, but instead of viewing people through a divisive ND vs NT lens, why not just find groups or meet ups or hobbies that will fit around your current life style and routines and interests

Where has this trend for seeing people's disorders as identities come from? I think its really toxic

Original poster
MaybeND · 16/05/2025 07:59

That is really interesting @mimblewimble . To be honest, I’ve been a bit doubtful. She’s convinced I am autistic but I feel like other autistics may not be the best people to lean on for support. Perhaps I’m being unfair.

As I have a young baby and am not working, the obvious opportunity is to find other women in the same position who are around in the daytime.

OP posts:
maximalistmaximus · 16/05/2025 07:57

What a crap therapist.

are you paying for this?

Ddakji · 16/05/2025 07:57

So you don’t have an official diagnosis, just what a therapist thinks?

I would be very wary of going hunting for any online tribe of self-diagnosed people.

mimblewimble · 16/05/2025 07:55

Interesting idea, that you'd get on with people just because they are ND...

I'm suspected ND and part of what led to this suspicion is my kids and most of my friends being autistic or having ADHD. So it's kind of the other way around! I don't click with most people, but the ones I do click with tend to be ND. And they'll have been the one other ND person in whatever situation I was in!

I wonder whether you'd have more success finding other ND people if it was an interest-based thing. Is there anything you're into that you could go to a group/club/meetup for?