AIBU to be angry at my husband for spending 3.5 hours at the gym on the day of our baby girls first birthday?

We need context on this.
If he had been to work and then went to the gym as soon as he got home, then YABU.
If he was home, did some kind of celebration and then went to the gym YABU.
If he went to the gym instead of a planned day out, YANBU.
It really depends what you communicated with him.
I can't even remember my children's first birthdays, I imagine we were working and then did something at the weekend.

The mother cares though, as she’s posted - you know the left doing the childcare and picking up slack.
Baby’s first Christmas was also special in our house, I certainly wouldn’t refer to any parent excited about either of the occasions “imbecilic”.

3.5 hours is taking the piss whatever way you look at it. YANBU.

Spot on. It is imbecilic to believe, however much you desperately want to, that a one year old child cares, or is in the least remotely aware of, their 'first birthday'.
It's like 'baby's first christmas'. Spare us. More important is 'mummy's third gin' to get through the day.

It depends on what she was doing then. Was she napping? Or did he miss her birthday fun?

If she missed her birthday fun, then it’s sad.

She’ll have no idea of the significance of the day. I’m sure she won’t care - he was still around for a lot of the day. That said, if it left OP organising a celebration alone then 3.5 hrs seems a lot. I’d say 2hrs all in including travel sounds more reasonable.

3.5 hours in the gym is ridiculous but a 1yo has no concept of birthdays so I genuinely can’t see an issue with him going out to do a hobby.

That’s an unreasonable amount of time at the gym on any occasion.

Omg some of these replies are ridiculous. Of course it's unreasonable! If this was a man posting on here saying that the mum had gone out for 3.5 hours on their daughter's first birthday, everyone would be up in arms!

It just shows that some people have really low standards from men / their partners / father of their children.

OP - of course you're not being unreasonable. It doesn't matter if you had absolutely nothing planned - it's your child's first birthday. They don't get another one. It's not about whether they remember it either, YOU will. And for one of their parents to disappear for 3.5 hours to do something that is absolutely unnecessary that could be done on any other day of the year, is out of order. It shows you where his priorities are!

I bet you wouldn't dream of doing that, so why is it okay that her dad did? I'd be upset if it was my partner too!

How does spending 3.5 hours at the gym, along with working or not, not impact your wife with a baby?

YADNBU

YANBU op.
DH wouldn’t have even considered doing anything solo on DCs 1st Bday because he wanted to have the day with them.

This.

I'd say it's an unreasonable amount of time to spend doing any hobby really if you have a baby at home and are expecting your partner to pick up the slack, but especially when it's just the gym and most people can be in and out in 90 mins tops.

It’s normally their own birthdays they aren’t interested in, not their child’s.
Christ, the low standards on here.

Of course he was BU.

I can’t imagine choosing to spend that much time away from my DD on her birthday.

He doesn’t need to be chained to her but it’s one day that you would make an effort to spend it with that person.

If you had to go to the gym you would go for less time, not 1/4 of her day.

Not enough context to say.

If there was a party planned and he’s left you to do all the sorting then YANBU.

If you had plans and he missed them for the gym then YANBU.

If there were no plans for that time anyway and him being at the gym didn’t really impact you & you also get some free time then YABU.

3.5 hours on your child’s first birthday? What a selfish twat. Your poor daughter.

Actually I think you’ll find lots of (most?) parents want to celebrate keeping a baby happy and healthy for a whole year with each other (and the baby). This guy doesn’t care about his family as much as the gym. Clearly that’s unreasonable. You might not care about milestones but the OP clearly does and therefore her husband is an arse for leaving her alone for a huge portion of the day!

I agree with pp. 3 hours in the gym? Is that likely? . Or more likely he just didnt want to spend time at home?

Probs not the gym. 3.5 hours is ages. Where is he really 🤔

Such a pointless post with no additional information 🙄

Of course, baby doesn't know is baby's first birthday because baby is baby. Baby doesn't care. Only mummy care about meaningless date.

If your child was old enough to understand the concept of a birthday, and was excitedly looking forward to it, and then her father wasn't present, that'd be a different matter.

YABU

So many unanswered questions here.

I'd be hacked off if it was during a pre arranged celebration/day out together.

I'd be fine if it was after she was in bed/before she got up/at any other time of day where nothing was planned.

I'd be super annoyed if 3.5 hours was a daily routine, birthday or not.

Could the 3.5 hours include travel to and from the gym plus time to change (if coming from work) and showering afterwards.... not enough info in the OP but these missing details could explain the duration. Doesn't excuse the DH of course but maybe explains,

As someone who was brought up as birthdays are just another day but with a card and a cake
the fact it’s there 1st so basically they don’t know what day it is for the life of me I’d struggle to see it as a major event
but that is me some people see a birthday on the same level as the 2nd rising of Christ

and whilst 3.5 is a long time there still a massive chunk of the day left

what were your plans for the day?