AIBU to be angry at my husband for spending 3.5 hours at the gym on the day of our baby girls first birthday?

Very little context here but as usual for some it turns into a man bashing thread… Although there are some sensible replies here.

How far away is the gym? If it’s a half an hour drive each way then it’s actually incredibly easy to do a couple of hours in the gym especially if he’s lifting weights and hitting different muscle groups.

When did he leave - was he done first thing in the morning and back mid morning? What did he actually miss during the day?

Why do you need to be chained to your baby all day because it’s their birthday? They won’t remember!

Without any context this thread is pointless but it’s catnip for the man bashers.

The baby has no idea what a birthday even is. So, at most, you might have a piece of cake and a quick photo of her. Takes 10 minutes, tops. So even if he's out for 3 hours, he can still do the cake thing.
OP, people still have lives, even when they have children. Maybe, over the weekend, you can go out and do something by yourself, while your partner looks after the child?

I don't think going to the gym on child's birthday is bad as such HOWEVER 3.5 hours is utterly ridiculous unless he's adding in swim, sauna, lunch + a long journey AND there aren't jobs to be done prepping for a party/family arrival AND you didn't ask him to give it a miss or make it clear there wasn't time today AND you also have similar free time. So lots of caveats but I'm guessing as you're posting on here he's just a bit of a selfish arse who does his own thing regardless and either uses the gym as a convenient excuse to opt out of parenting/housework or is having an affair.

Whilst more context is needed, 3.5 hours at the gym does seem a ridiculously long time.....especially on your DD's birthday.

If he was still able to spend time with the child in the rest of the day it's probably not worth getting angry about.
You say "please help" but others don't know all the circumstances. Presumably you can talk to him about it?
From the limited information in OP it appears YABU

If there was a party being organised, family get-together, anything involving socialising or preparing to socialise, then I'd be massively annoyed if he was gymning it up between the hours of 7am and 9pm. If there wasn't any of the above, then I'd be ok with it. Haven't RTFT so might be light on info here.

That would annoy me too.

We’re talking about a baby with absolutely no concept of what’s going on.

If someone wants to spend their time and money on a 1yo’s birthday then that’s of course absolutely fine, but it’s just one of several valid choices and doesn’t mean you’re better than someone who didn’t do anything.

We’re talking about a 1yo who has no concept of what a birthday is, though.

If it were an older child who would be upset at their dad missing out then fair enough.

For some people birthdays arent seen as something to be making a big deal over. I don't think a first birthday for a baby is important as they don't know. For myself I'm not bothered either. I wouldnt be holding a 1st bday party, might stretch to a nice cake for ourselves and thats it. Equally I only celebrate my milestone birthdays and even then low key stuff.

That doesn't mean I have low standards its just not something I'm that bothered about. And if my partner went to the gym for 3.5hrs on my child's 1st bday it wouldn't bother me so long as we had some time together in the evening to eat some cake.

I don’t care much for my own birthday either, but my childs birthday I try to make special for her.

We planned a family day out on our DD’s first birthday, she didn’t care at the time of course, but she likes looking at the pictures now that she’s older. It’s about priorities, it’s one day when you prioritise someone else.

Your child will not even know it's their birthday, will not remember it or have any clue who was there or not.

This was just you putting on a performance for a day that has no meaning to the person it was really about so YABU.

If your child was old enough to actually understand it was their special day it might be different, although if he left at 6am to go to the gym and was back by 9.30am it still wouldn't really matter, so it depends what time of the day he was at the gym even then.

It was your childs birthday, not yours.
It wasn't about you.

Very much agree. There are certainly low standards on MN.

Who on earth spends 3.5 hours at the gym?

Even if he attended an exercise class for an hour then spent some time in the gym, this is a ridiculous amount of time.

Are you sure he is not doing something else when he claims to be at the gym?

But yes it shows that you and your child are not his top priority.

No it seems like loads of women (at least those on Mumsnet) don't like birthdays. They especially don't like getting gifts ("I have everything I need..... I don't need random stuff") 😂
It's not a man thing going by Mumsnet.

I'm going to buck the husband bashing thread.

Your child is one and will be oblivious to what day of the week it is so your husband probably can't see what all the fuss is about.

You can’t force other people to care about the things you care about, though, that’s the problem.

No information from the OP. Pointless thread and Im even more pointless for reading it.

Or it could be all night too if they live a really long way away. Perhaps the gym is in Inverness? And he has to walk because they don't have a car? Could be weeks actually.

She doesn't know it's her birthday, she's a baby.

A reminder: 3.5 hours at the gym might actually be 5/6 hours because there is getting there working out, showering and then the travel home. So virtually the whole day.

I agree. And I assumed that they might have been having a party for friends and family (that's what a lot of people I know did/do) and that she had been left to organise the whole thing on her own.

I used to work in a gym and I noticed that some men seemed to be in there 24/7. If their wives chased them up you would hear them protesting on the phone about how surely she wants them to look good, that they were working hard in the gym. I had to refrain from asking them if they didn't realise that housework also counts as exercise, as does cooking and running around after the DCs.

Super shitty thing to do. I’d be fuming