To wonder if this is normal school policy for 3 year olds starting Pre-school?

AnneMarieW · 2025-05-15T20:33:10+00:00

My just turned 3 year old started pre-school today (they’ve been ill otherwise they would have started straight after Easter) - and just so I’m not dripfeeding they are my PFB after lots of IVF, will likely be an only child and have been at home with me till now (only ever babysat by grandparents), so accept I may be being overprotective. I was surprised at the school open day that they only showed parents the pre- school classroom and a second empty classroom where they chatted with us - no tour of the rest of the school or grounds. But it’s as my closest school (easily walkable) and I want my DC to hopefully make friends locally, plus it gets a good Ofsted report, I made the choice to send DC there (although no school here is oversubscribed so there is a wide choice). But they apparently also have no settling-in policy for pre-school (no limited starting hours or parent staying for the first session etc), no home visit to meet the child, no form to fill in about their likes/dislikes etc. I had to ask them to let my DC visit the school with me but again my DC only met one teacher and again only saw the pre-school classroom (there are 2 teachers in the class and multiple TA’s). Then at drop off today, the 2nd pre-school teacher they hadn’t met before (so a stranger to DC) met us at the school gate and ushered them in - apparently parents aren’t normally allowed inside even on the first day as it’s disruptive to the children? Is this the norm for starting pre-school? It seems very “throw them in at the deep end” and hope for the best.

LoveFridaynight · 17/05/2025 10:50

Did you fill in any paperwork? Only one of mine went to preschool but we had quite a few forms, likes, dislikes, if they were toilet trained, medical history, allergies, food they would/wouldn't eat.
The kids did have a settle session but without parents. Didn't seem to affect DC.
Tbh dropping them at the door is probably to get them used to school and it is disruptive to have parents there. Even some nurseries do drop at the door now as they find it works better (this started in Covid and is something that has just carried on)
I think you are worrying about nothing (and I get it, it's bloody hard with your first) but your child was happy which suggests the staff are good at their job. As long as your child continues to be happy I wouldn't be too worried about anything else.

Original poster

AnneMarieW · 17/05/2025 10:18

Barney16 · 17/05/2025 07:53

No, in early years transition into a new setting is (usually ) seen as very important. Not necessarily parents staying but a couple of shorter sessions so children can become familiar with the new environment and adults. Home visits maybe. Stay and plays before the start of term. Information gathering is viewed as important too. Did you fill in a form before you started that asked about allergies or health conditions for instance. Emergency contacts?

Yes there was a basic form asking about the name they like to be known as, emergency contact information, any health issues or allergies. I’d have been horrified if they hadn’t at least done that - even our tiny local one woman forest school (where you only stay for an hour with your child) insists you fill out a form with those questions.

I agree that transition is really important- I suspect it was a bit too abrupt for DC. After a few days she is now saying she doesn’t want to go back. I suspect the “throw them in at the deep end method” is because it’s easier for the school rather than the 3 year olds themselves iykwim (that way the school don’t have to deal with any changes to their usual routines). I’m sure that if she’d been to a nursery before like most of the children apparently have, that she would have been fine but since she hadn’t…

I’ve been asking her questions about what she does there, being encouraging about how much fun she must be having playing with the other children… so we’ll see.

OP posts:

Barney16 · 17/05/2025 07:53

No, in early years transition into a new setting is (usually ) seen as very important. Not necessarily parents staying but a couple of shorter sessions so children can become familiar with the new environment and adults. Home visits maybe. Stay and plays before the start of term. Information gathering is viewed as important too. Did you fill in a form before you started that asked about allergies or health conditions for instance. Emergency contacts?

Moonnstars · 17/05/2025 07:31

AnneMarieW · 16/05/2025 00:18

No, not all day but I would have liked to have seen her to the classroom door, made sure she could see that the teacher she’d met before was there and that she knew where to leave her bag and things, that she’d been told where the toilet was (in case she was too shy to ask - because I have no idea where it is in the school), say goodbye to her and remind her I would pick her up in a few hours.

It might sound micromanaging but I don’t think it’s that unreasonable considering it’s a 3 year olds first time away from home without her parents in a environment she’s only been in for a few minutes before and with people she’s never met before (with the exception of one teacher whom again she’d met only briefly).

Instead a teacher she didn’t know met us outside the gate, told me parents couldn’t come inside, took her things and rushed her off. I barely got chance to say anything to to DC - luckily I’m good at faking looking positive and DC is a reasonably confident child and was excited to go (because I’d been so encouraging about it beforehand).

I’d have felt better about not going in with her if they’d asked questions about her, if she’d gotten to see more of the school (including where the toilets are, dining room, outdoor play area etc) and if she’d gotten to meet more staff rather than just the one.

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There will be a lot of staff in nursery at this time of year, so won't necessarily be the teacher she saw once anyway. Our nursery have 4 main staff members but the summer term is the busiest term so often staff from other parts of the school are drafted in to make up the numbers and meet the ratios. That doesn't mean the children won't have a great time, but also another reason for why they can't be faffing around with one or two children when they have a full nursery of children to get into the building.
All the things you said you would have liked to have helped with give you good questions to ask your child e.g. where do you hang your bag? Does it have your name on it? Did you go to the toilet before snack time? Did you play indoors or outdoors?

legoplaybook · 16/05/2025 22:59

Reception children often start a week after the rest of the school.
One of my children had a home visit for nursery but not school.
The other had one for school but not nursery.

Pleasegodgotosleep · 16/05/2025 22:45

I've never heard of schools doing home visits ever! I'm in Scotland and this doesn't happen. How do teachers have time to do that?

legoplaybook · 16/05/2025 22:42

Elsvieta · 16/05/2025 22:22

Schools do "home visits"?! You learn something every day. What does that consist of? What are they looking for?

Not really looking for anything, just an opportunity for staff and family to meet each other hopefully in an environment where the child feels most relaxed and confident.

Dinosweetpea · 16/05/2025 22:29

Completely normal here for pre-school.
Drop and go.

When your child starts reception in Sept 26 they will get all the settling in days etc although there haven't been home visits for over 10 years in my county.

Elsvieta · 16/05/2025 22:22

Schools do "home visits"?! You learn something every day. What does that consist of? What are they looking for?

Original poster

AnneMarieW · 16/05/2025 16:43

@LeedsZebra90 - I asked about waiting till September (which was my original plan) but this school insisted that they had pupils starting year round, once they turned 3 and that they thought that was best for DC. I think as pupil numbers are falling year on year, they seem desperate for bums on seats (so I have no concerns about her getting a place there for primary either).

But to be fair, according to the council stats, no primary school is oversubscribed in our area, only the secondary’s- so in theory DC could have her choice of school (which in some ways makes these decisions harder).

OP posts:

guineapigsears · 16/05/2025 13:52

I’ve had two kids through pre-school:

One “open day” for the parents, before application.

One “welcome to the school” hour long play date to meet new friends and teachers.

And.. that was it. Waved them off in the drop off foyer on the first day and all has been well ever since.

Rated as “outstanding” and all teachers qualified to degree level.

LeedsZebra90 · 16/05/2025 13:45

It may be due to him starting mid year. There is a lot more process around starting in September as that is when the majority will start. Having a parent in class with other kids where the majority have been settled there since september wouldnt be great for the kids or for your child. The pre school where my kids went had stay and play sessions in septemver ahead of their start date but anyone joining throughout the year doesnt do this. Given that he is starting now I am assuming he will be in pre school for the next academic year too? May explain the lack of a tour of the school as attendance at pre school doesn't given automatic entry to the main school (at most schools).

Original poster

AnneMarieW · 16/05/2025 13:34

A few people questioning the need for home visits - if you read through the thread it really is the norm in some pre-schools (and according to other parents I spoke to at playgroups here the norm at some local pre-schools here too). Obviously not every school does this, but many others seem to do a “stay and play” type thing with the child and parent as a gradual introduction to the school instead.

Our school did neither of these (or asked any questions/sent any forms asking about her likes and dislikes), which surprised me. She definitely didn’t miss any of it starting late - I asked 🤷‍♀️ , so it is clearly just what happens at this school. They said most of the kids starting pre- school have been to a nursery before (so already been in a new environment away from parents) so they don’t think it’s needed.

OP posts:

CocoPlum · 16/05/2025 13:27

AnneMarieW · 16/05/2025 13:21

Yes, just 3 hours @CocoPlum . Even though I’m a SAHM, I wanted DC to do it so that a full day (once she starts reception and I hopefully go back to work) wouldn’t come as a shock to her.

Thanks again all for the help ❤️
As others have said, perhaps they prefer to ask questions of the children themselves once they start and maybe they’ll have special days where they invite parents to the school to spend time with the kids - sports days, forest schools or the like.

I think it’s just that 3 is a tricky age. I would have been extremely worried if a nursery had treated a 2 year old this way with no settling in policy or questions about the child to the parents, but not so worried if a school didn’t do this for 4 year old reception starters. Luckily DC overall seems about average for a 3 year old - I suspect a bit behind socially and independence wise as she’s only attended playgroups with me there, but I’ve been told by a lot of people she’s ahead verbally (probably because she’s been surrounded by adults all the time) so she should hopefully be able to tell me if there are any problems 🤞

Not judging on length of time or why you would do it! I just meant that 3 hours session isn't worth a settling in session. I'm sure she will love it. Enjoy your free time!

Original poster

AnneMarieW · 16/05/2025 13:21

Yes, just 3 hours @CocoPlum . Even though I’m a SAHM, I wanted DC to do it so that a full day (once she starts reception and I hopefully go back to work) wouldn’t come as a shock to her.

Thanks again all for the help ❤️
As others have said, perhaps they prefer to ask questions of the children themselves once they start and maybe they’ll have special days where they invite parents to the school to spend time with the kids - sports days, forest schools or the like.

I think it’s just that 3 is a tricky age. I would have been extremely worried if a nursery had treated a 2 year old this way with no settling in policy or questions about the child to the parents, but not so worried if a school didn’t do this for 4 year old reception starters. Luckily DC overall seems about average for a 3 year old - I suspect a bit behind socially and independence wise as she’s only attended playgroups with me there, but I’ve been told by a lot of people she’s ahead verbally (probably because she’s been surrounded by adults all the time) so she should hopefully be able to tell me if there are any problems 🤞

OP posts:

BethDuttonYeHaw · 16/05/2025 13:08

Sounds pretty normal for pre-school

why would they come to your house?

Emmacb82 · 16/05/2025 13:02

I think every setting is different. Our pre school is attached to the infants school and they do a home visit before they start (and then when moving up to reception they don’t get another home visit), we did one stay and play session, a couple of shorter independent sessions and then started properly. There’s good and bad, some schools drag out the settling in process which unsettles children more than necessary, but the home visit is nice to give parents an opportunity to discuss anything that is worrying them before their child starts.

QforCucumber · 16/05/2025 12:39

I wonder if by her starting 3 weeks later than she should have she's actually missed the phased start stuff? Our school nursery offers it or you can decline and go straight to full days - but they only do it for 1 week as otherwise it disrupts the whole class. and no, other than the pre start meeting never went inside.

MrsSunshine2b · 16/05/2025 12:33

I'd say that is a bit unusual.

The not showing you around the rest of the school bit is totally normal- preschool and the rest of the school rarely mix much.

However, the lack of settling in sessions or a form is a bit odd. What if your child had additional needs or you were concerned about their development in an area?

If your child is happy with it I'd let it go but it sounds a bit lazy on their part.

Didimum · 16/05/2025 12:26

Sounds completely normal to me.

Catsandcannedbeans · 16/05/2025 12:22

My kids preschool was like this. DD didn’t like it at first, snot bubble crying, the whole shebang. Picked her up and she didn’t want to leave (typical). DS started this year and he really thrived but I think it’s because he was familiar with the place from picking up DD, the teacher had also seen him and he recognised her. I would have liked a bit more settling in, but to be honest it was fine in the end and they both did really well and had a great time. I know some kids did have a really hard time settling in though, I think it really does depend on the child and only you know what’s right for yours.

Eldermillennialmum · 16/05/2025 12:04

My DC preschool had a few settling in sessions but I wouldn't have expected a tour of the school.

Colleenhataris · 16/05/2025 11:54

Home visits??

weareallalittlebitthesame · 16/05/2025 11:52

I found it really strange how it worked at my 3 year olds nursery too. It wasn’t as bad as what you’re describing but he didn’t meet his key worker before his first settling in session (he had 2 1 hour settling in sessions and 1 2 hour settling in session before he started). We have to leave him at the door and he is then taken through to his room by the staff. I have been to a lunch at nursery and my partner has been to a Mother’s Day card making stay and play so we know that he is happy there as we have seen him in the setting. If he wasn’t happy and didn’t settle I would have looked for somewhere else who did things differently but he settled in really well so there was thankfully no need 😊 If your child is unhappy/doesn’t settle I would look for somewhere else. You should also be able to ask for a meeting should you have any worries/concerns you want to discuss.

HeyThereDelila · 16/05/2025 11:37

Normal for pre school not to see the whole site - the DC won’t go to the rest of the site usually so it’s unnecessary.

At reception you’ll be shown the whole building.