Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH refusing to help

158 replies

ForCheekyOchreLeader · 15/05/2025 21:22

My best friend is going through a very difficult divorce and has asked me to provide some emotional and practical support. Her husband walked out on her and the kids, and she is struggling in almost very aspect of her life.

I have asked DH to pick up more of the household chores to allow me to help my friend but he has refused because work is too intense and he doesn't want to disturb his routine.

Despite my best efforts, he has never gotten on well with my friend but I was shocked at his response. Should I expect more from him?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 15/05/2025 21:37

Can you give examples of what she wants you to do and what you want him to do to enable it? What’s the time frame?

TheChosenTwo · 15/05/2025 21:36

As a pp said I wouldn’t ask dh to leave his work early to eg pick the dc up from school but I would expect that once he was home he would pick up what needed doing (sort dinner, bath kids and oversee homework or whatever ) in order to free me up so I could support my friend.
I would offer to take her kids for a bit, have them at mine to give her some headspace or time to just sit and cry for a bit without the pressure of holding it all together in front of them and dh wouldn’t mind having extra kids about.
A similar thing happened to a couple we were both close to. we each took over when the other needed to prioritise the friend for a bit and there was no issue, we were just doing what we could for each other and for our friends who were going through a really shit time.

CapitalAtRisk · 15/05/2025 21:36

If I didn't like a friend of DH's, and DH was asking me to take on more of the load to let him go and run around for his friend, I would not be impressed.

rookiemere · 15/05/2025 21:33

It depends on what you are asking him to do and (sorry) if you are also have a job.

JHound · 15/05/2025 21:32

He’s a shitty husband who does not understand the meaning of partnership.

nomas · 15/05/2025 21:32

YANBU. He wouldn’t be helping your friend, he’d be helping you.

I’m guessing you do a lot for him? I’d be dialling that right back. What is the housework split?

HeyPooPooHead · 15/05/2025 21:31

What are you asking him to do? I’d expect him to pull his weight

slamdunk66 · 15/05/2025 21:30

Depends what you expect from him and whether it’s doable for him without impacting on his job.

for example I wouldn’t ask my dh to leave work early to pick up our kids (if I usually did it) so that I could go sit with my friend. But going to see your friend of an evening or two or weekend when he’s home is fine.