DH refusing to help

I think the things you are asking are the kind of one off things that might be needed in an emergency not to generally support a friend going through a tough time. Sounds like you are a lovely friend but you need to have your boundaries.

You're a stay at home mom but you expect your husband who works and is the breadwinner to rearrange his work schedule so you can help a friend? And you want him to cancel his kids' weekend times too?

I think you're being very unreasonable. You can help her on your time but don't expect your husband to jump through hoops for you to do that.

Are your kids in school? If so, help in your free time but don't expect your husband to change his work and child commitments to enable you to do that.

I think it's super unreasonable to expect him to change his work schedule for this. I see you are a SAHM, so I think it's not unreasonable to support your friend during the day while kids are at school, and times that you can manage alongside your own family commitments but I don't think he should need to miss work for it. The Saturday would be fine if he could take his other kids along id think.

YABU

Find another way of supporting your friend that doesn't cause your husband issues at work, or with his children

What type of help is it during the week? If it’s she’s working so you need to go pick her kids up from school and babysit then you could collect your kids at the same time or suggest she gets a childminder. If it’s emotional support then I’m sure she’ll manage for an hour or so whilst you go pick your kids up.

I wanted him to rearrange him work schedule so he could pick up the kids and I could help my friend.

YABU

You can support your friend without it impacting picking your kids up.

Your DH needs to save favours like that for when it’s actually needed (if you or the kids are sick for example).

@Ladyoats well you then are a true friend.

Expecting him to change his hours so you can visit a friend is crazy.

Honestly I’m the single friend currently so I should probably be cheering this on - “sisters before misters” or whatever lol but actually I really think people who put their friends ahead of their spouse/family like this are ridiculous.

I have had married friends with kids help me out in the past, but if I had even so much as an inkling it was causing issues for their wives/husband/kids or their partners disliked me, I’d politely decline their help.

It’s not every week though. There will be times he will want to do something and he’ll ask OP to
look after all the dc on a Saturday.

Maybe OP should refuse then.

in this instance she’s literally just suggested this because of her friend not in the interests of her kids or his.
Yep, sad but unexpected for the steps....bonkers for her own!

She is taking care of his kids.

Yep. Especially if there a big age gap.

As I said upthread I’m not necessarily opposed to the idea in theory. If it was something that Op thought was in the best interests of the kids for some reason, it may not be such a bad idea depending on various things such as age etc and what his kids want.

However it’s clear in this instance she’s literally just suggested this because of her friend - it’s not an idea she’s put forward because she thinks it is in the best interests his kids who only see him on weekends.

Yep and he's providing for the dc, not a grown ass woman

😉

Dragging them to his other kids activities isn't quality time.

I'm sure the OP can find some other way to help.

This.

he*

YABVU You are a SAHM and expect him to change his work hours to pick the kids up. I’d laugh at my OH if they suggested that to me

OP is be autistic? Routine changes can be stressful for us and maybe that’s why he didn’t get on with your friend?

depending on how much he’s working I would say he is being unreasonable to not step up to help you a little more.

i feel like you’d have been told YABU for the work change but YANBU for Saturday help with activities but now you’ve mentioned step children you’re a fucking witch 🤣 honestly didn’t take long at all

YABU extremely U!

You’re asking him to change his work schedule so you can help your friend? That’s outrageous and if I was your friend I’d be mortified if my friend was suggesting that and causing her husband inconvenience . Surely there a way as a SAHM you can support your friend either when the kids are at school - if they’re all school aged - or for a hour when they’re asleep or something.

As a pp said what happens when he needs to change his schedule in the future for your family needs and his boss’s goodwill has ran out because he’s already asked for a change of schedule before?

And what impact would your suggestion have on his first set of kids visiting ? I’m taking a guess that because he only sees them once a week he wants to focus more time on them alone, but your proposal is to change this and for all of the kids to go out and do something? Depending on how the kids all feel about it , not necessarily a bad idea in itself - but the fact you’re only suggesting it to help your friend is bad.

You’re a SAHM and by your own admission it’s a 70/30 split at home so he’s pulling his weight clearly. People are out of order to say you should stop doing stuff for him. This is just taking the piss .

What if he decided to help a mate who Op didn’t like and said he would reduce his domestic contributions from a third to a quarter to enable him to do that?

She’s a SAHM to children, not a grown ass man.

He would still see his kids?

What help does she actually need and how long will it go on for?