DH refusing to help

Yabu. You want him to cut down time with his dc and ask for time off work yet you're a stay at home parent so not taking a hit on anything at all. Why don't you offer to go to the solicitors during the day with your friend for eg. that doesn't impinge on anyone else's time.

I understand your DH on this one. Not everyone works in an environment where changing your schedule is an easy or accepted thing to do. I would easily do so in my current job, but I've worked jobs where I wouldn't even have dared to ask. And for the Saturday, I agree that his time with his children shouldn't suffer for a friend of yours.
Now if he refused and talked to you in a horrible way about it, that's another thing though.
Is there any other time that you could help your friend? Does it have to be then? I'm sure she'll understand if you say you can't on those occasions but happy to when you're free.
Also depends on what your friend needs help for. If it's every day/mundane activities, then surely it can wait? If it's work or medical related, then maybe you can help her find some other help (babysitter, another friend/family member,...)

1. No, you don't waste the company's time and money to sort stuff out for your friend. Book after school club.
2. His kids see him only one day a week!? Then he needs to prioritise that. Go to see your mate on Sunday instead.

sorry, but this is nuts.

Out of interest - have you ever worked? It doesn't sound like that. You cannot just change your hours because your wife's friend has a difficult time. It doesn't work like that. Also unreasonable seeing that you don't even have a job and he is the sole provider.

Also, why would you expect him to cancel on his DC because of this? What has this got to do with anything?

I think it's great that you want to support your friend but surely, you have all day to do that as you don't work. Leave your husband out.

What does she want you to help with that means that you want your DH to change his work hours?

Sorry @ForCheekyOchreLeader I think you are being abu.
As a sahp you can use that to your advantage.

Get up earlier, go to bed later. Switch your routine around. Put easy meals in the oven or buy a takeaway for your family. Or batch cook and drop meals off so your friends dc can eat while she is overwhelmed.
You don't let a domino effect from your friends trouble cause trouble in your own marriage.

You want him to prioritise your friend over his kids?

How much support does this friend need? It sounds as though she is pretty hard work, you are going to not be able to pick up your own kids to help her and your husband will have to change his working hours and give up time with his children, all for her. She must be a fantastically good friend, I would only disrupt my family that much for a very close relative (mother, father, sibling) who was seriously ill. And probably not even for them for a marriage breakdown.

You don't work, so have most of the day, five days a week, to help your friend, why would you need to disrupt your whole family to help?

Eh? Perhaps youve not seen the op’s latest posts. The poor guy would have to change his work pattern with his line manager and is already in a pressurised job. (The OP is stay at home.mum so they need DHs salary).

Expecting him to do that us too much. It’s one thing cancelling a night out with the lads now and then to babysit your DW’s pals kids and your own while the ladies go out to cheer up the pal, but that’s an expectation too far.

You need to think of what you can do yourself to help her.

Changing his hours at work and spending time with his kids aren’t small asks
yabu

I think if she needs more than a few hours support a few times a week within school hours it’s not sustainable. If it’s for a couple of days while she gets over the initial shock, then step up as much as you can and help - eg 9-3 for a few days. But I can’t imagine what ongoing support she needs that eats into weekends and after school. What are you actually doing for her? Most people would realise that they’re asking too much from you. Maybe your husband realises she is a taker. Don’t fall out with your husband and impact your kids day to day life over this. Just tell your friend you can see her 9-3 Monday and Thursday or something. Make sure the basics are still being done at home - food shop, clean clothes etc but use your time with her to get her sorted with childcare or making a gp appointment if she’s not coping mentally, etc. Your husband is being completely reasonable. If you worked full time you wouldn’t be able to help her much and as a stay at home parent you have agreed as a family that this is your job. Your friend should be grateful for what you can do for her and not demanding too much time.

"He’s not refusing to help, it’s not help. He’s refusing to be a partner and a father.
Honestly, he sounds awful"

Man puts his children first so He sounds awful...
Blatant Misandry....

YABU

Really? Wow

In that case, YABU.

Totally unreasonable!!’ Your own family comes first.

You are so unreasonable with number 1!

Bloody cheek!

Hey manager my wife is a SAHM, her mates got a few issues so she wants to relinquish that role for a bit, so can I change hours in my stressful job to accommodate this?

But besides that, your DH doesn’t like your friend, so is unlikely to want to disrupt his work that’s currently paying all the bills or take on more than 30% of household chores.

Sorry he does 30 not 70!!

Agreed, but now OP has stated he does 70/30 split and she’s a SAHP, I think he’s NB so U.

His first born children are not second class citizens either and dont just dissapear whrn additional children are born, and yes if this was reversed I would not be happy doing more because of this myself so would not expect this off my husband

The OP cant make decisions for other people because they feel like it

Fucking delusional

Get your friend to change her work hours so you have more free time during school hours?

Are 'the kids' joint or yours?

Going to his manager to change his work hours is for things like medical appointments or serious family issues, not a spouse helping a friend.

the weekend thing is less obvious. If he has his children a good a percentage of the time, then part of one day spent shuttling the younger siblings to activities shouldn’t be a big deal. It happens sometimes in families. If he is an EOW kind of father, then he shouldn’t be missing that time or prioritizing anything but his older children during the tiny window he actually parents