DH refusing to help

This is really dependent on your current set up. Do you have kids at home or at school? What extra tasks are you expecting him to take on?

Sorry I posted this in the wrong thread! I have reported.

Perhaps I should keep off my phone during insomnia moments 🤦‍♀️

Sorry I think you are being U. His work provides the food on your table and he might need flexibility in the future for his own kids. Plus it’s important for him to see his older kids and not disrupt their routine.

Also surely as a SAHM you must have time when the kids are at school or in the evenings when he’s back? It’s great to help your friend but you’ve got to be clear about what’s realistic.

This is madness. Your priorities are wrong. Wake up. Surely this is a windup.

So many unknown factors, e.g if he's a paramedic he can't suddenly just clock off at 3:30 for pick up
In the nicest way possible, how long will this level of support last? Days? Weeks? Months? If the husband has left, he's not likely to rock back up in a week.

You sound as though you are getting too involved in your friend's life and problems and not prioritising your own family.

I’m also on team DH. Can’t you support her during the school day or evening after kids are asleep? As a SAHM to school age kids you have so much time in your day already. Or put the children in after school club as a one off?

I don’t think the level of ask this puts on a third layer of entirely unconnected people (DH’s manage and colleagues having to work around the new hours, and his other children) is reasonable.

Yabu. Surely your friend understands that you have your own life and family and cannot drop everything to help her.

The way your family is set up is that you stay at home and do school run whilst he works ... That is the routine. i wouldn't change my work time fornyou to pick up someone elses kids either

Regards to the Saturday, if he has plans with his older children, then its unfair to suddenly change them in favour for his younger kids activities.

You are basically putting your family and husband behind your friend. I'm not saying dont support her, but there are other ways to do that. Support her during the day around your kids routine, have her kids over the weekend if needs be but I think its unreasonable to ask your husband to rearrange work and plans for you to help your friend

I was wondering why OP and others are expecting her step kids to have to accommodate their younger step sibs activities which will eat into their time with their dad.
Why can't the younger kids skip the activities so that her husband can have all his children together or OP arrange a play date for them so that the older kids get some dad time?

Asking him to care for your children during an evening is one thing but expecting his manager to restructure your husband work to facilitate you helping a third party is a different matter altogether. If he doesn’t particularly like your friend, I can see why he’s digging his heels in too.
Try to work on a compromise OP and ask him what he IS prepared to help with and take it from there.

Team DH. It's one thing to have to change schedule if you've had to take a relative to a&e or an emergency Drs appointment but to help a friend when you've got 6 hours free during the day? No.

also, does your friend know what sort of stuff you are requesting from your DH so you can support her? I'd be mortified.
What sort of things does she need help with? You wanted DH to change the hours so he can do school runs (that is weekdays) and stop seeing his DC on Sat. Does your friend need 24h support or what?

If he was at home anyway and had no plans he would be unreasonable but he’s not he’s working and spending time with his children. He absolutely should not change his schedule so you can support a friend.

You could see your friend in the day if she is off/doesnt work, support over the phone. Could you go over on an evening? Or maybe Sunday.

I posted on the wrong thread!! What an idiot I am! I’m getting it deleted!

Teaches me to pick up my phone when not sleeping well 🤦‍♀️

I posted on the wrong thread!! Sorry I’ll ask to be deleted!

good god, you just all think I’m mad!!

I wouldn’t expect my friends to put their family in this sort of situation to help me and I can’t do it either except for one off situations. Like you can offer your help to your friend at your free time, when the kids are in school, when your husband is back from work, etc.
Just expecting to leave all your responsibilities and impact everyone in the family for your friend is bonkers as it means you’re prioritising her needs before that of your family. You can be there for her around your commitments, everyone else does not have to suffer for it so YABU

Both these requests ask him to not fulfill his responsibilities - to work and to his children.

I don't think it's fair to ask this really.

Oh, here we go.

He could be autistic for all we know but i don’t think there’s anything in the OP’s posts that would remotely suggest this. More that he’s the only sensible one of the pair.

OP is so unreasonable it’s hard to know where to start. The fact she’s a SAMH wanting the worker bee to change both his work and child custody schedule to accommodate her is icing on the cake.

We should all help our friends when they need us. That’s what friends are for. Otherwise, we’re fair weather friends. We never know what’s around the corner and when we might need them, e.g. if you were suddenly incapacitated, would your friend support your DH and help with your kids?

However, there’s a balance to be struck. If your DH’s employment is the only source of family income, that should be prioritised. Changing his work hours may be quite a big ask. May be necessary for his own family needs, but it could be harder to do it to help out a friend. Though he could have a frank chat with his boss. Most employers would consider sympathetically (even if they have to say no) if you’re asking to temporarily support others.

If your DC are at nursery or school, do you have time in the day to help your friend in other ways than pick ups: shopping, errands, housework? Or, if she needs help with pick ups, can you juggle them somehow or ask another friend if they could pick up your kids some days, in return for you doing the same for them other days.

On Saturdays, your DH needs time with all his kids, otherwise he won’t see them. Could you alternate Saturdays, so you help your friend every other week? And another friend does the other weeks. Or could your DH do something with all the kids together, e.g. take your kids to their activities with his kids, who he treats to a cafe while waiting?

If you are a SAHM why can’t you help your friend out during the day when your husband is at work?

You are being completely unreasonable, he works a very stressful job and your expecting him to change his work hours?

Op, you have a very odd idea of work. I can get short-notice time off for a family funeral or if my partner/child is hospitalised. Not because someone my partner knows is feeling down. My manager would think I was joking.

I think rearranging his work schedule because your friend is getting a divorce is too much, it’s quite a weird ask.
As is asking him to ferry your friends kids about on the one day he sees his children.

This. I wouldn't do it either.

He's a partner AND father to the wife's friend?!!