DH refusing to help

Next time this prince needs you to watch his kids so he can help his parents or someone, tell him to piss off.

Yep- YABU

whilst that can be true I don’t think it is here.

if he changed his work he would be putting others out, changing the schedule for his children as well for a person who isn’t his family

the OP is asking too much

How is that in any way comparable or relevant?what are you on about?
Op wants her partner to disrupt work and his child access visits for op to faff around after someone else
This is nowt to do with sex. Everything to do with op being over invested in someone else drama and enacting saviour syndrome

And what's that got to do with this situation? The OP's husband isn't being selfish here. He works full time and does 30% of all house stuff despite the OP being a SAHM. Unless there are disabilities involved, which the OP hasn't mentioned, then it sounds like she has it easy.

So many selfish men with their stubborn refusal to do anything that doesn't suit them. I.e. basically anything that doesn't involve sex. I was ghosted recently by someone I was dating when I suggested he might help me out when I broke my shoulder. Literally never heard from him again from that moment.

From your 2 updates I’m going to have to say YABU.

You can’t expect the only earner in the house to change their work hours and not spend time with their own children at the weekend to accommodate you helping your friend. That’s not reasonable.

Presumably you have all school hours to help your friend?

I think if you are a stay at home parent and he is working a stressful job to support you all, he is already pulling his weight. He shouldn't have to change his work hours for you to help your friend. He also has his own kids to see at the weekend. I think you need to find ways to help your friend without expecting him to pick up your kids from school.

How is her divorce stopping her being able to pick up her own kids or entertain them at weekends?

I have a feeling a dropped may be coming. But if not…I don’t think your DH is being unreasonable OP. There’s no reason why you can’t help her out during school hours if you are a SAHP. Fundamentally, you cannot replace her husband which is what it sounds like she wants you to do?

You are being unreasonable OP, surely you can find time in the daytime to support your friend. Plus what support does she need at weekends, she is obviously going to have to learn to cope. No doubt the time at weekends with his own children is precious to your husband and it’s perfectly reasonable that he doesn’t want to change it just to suit your friend. It’s nice to help out but it sounds as if you’re the one really going over the top here.

Imagine being DH's boss and getting a work schedule request because of his wife friends divorce. Of course it's a completely unreasonable request.

Just read your are a stay at home wife the fact you thought this was in any way reasonable is shocking to me.

You’re a housewife with no stressful job and your partner has a very stressful FT job
And you’re berating him for not stepping up for your pal?

Me too

It’s a divorce not a bereavement and your friend sounds like an emotional vampire. She needs to suck it up and stop being a burden on her friends.

Whilst you’re off patting her hand and saying ‘there, there’, why should he have to do more at home?

You can support your friend after your household chores have been done instead of dropping what’s going on in your life and expecting your poor husband to pick up what you’re slacking off from.

If your friend needs help you need to work helping her around your family, not the other way around. Especially as you essentially have the whole school day to do so.

YABVU and kind of lost all perspective

Totally unreasonable that he rearrange work schedule.
Unreasonable that he disrupt existing arrangements to see his kids,that will impact them,his ex, who all have to rearrange contact schedules to suit your mate.

Why are you so over invested? Do you have a compelling need for affirmation? Hey it’s sad and all that but you make reasonable adjustments, not unreasonable adjustment that impact work and preplanned child contacts

Removed... I hadn't read all updates in the the thread

I think he's right too the work hours reason is flaky

Saturday he has children from his ex partner who need him. You knew he had children when you met him.

I think you are being very unreasonable. You can support your friend when your kids are at school. Why should he cancel a vist from his kids (or drag them along to an unsuitable event) so you can be a Saturday shoulder to cry on? And asking him to change his work hours so he can pick kids up so you can do what exactly??

You can certainly ask him to be home a couple of nights a week and do kiddy bedtime so you can support your friend or to put the dishwasher on or do some extra laundry but you are asking for big stuff that isn't fair!

Then you are BU. Asking him to ask his manager for shift changes so his wife can help her friend is ridiculous imo. You shouldn't expect this of him or impact on his time with his other children. Also I'm curious as to why he doesn't like your friend? Is it because you are too involved with her?

Why the hell would the sole earner in a family agree to move his work around so that you can go and help out a friend (who he doesn't even like) whilst he also does more at home?

It's a breakup. Yes it's probably a shit time for her, but nobody is serious ill or dying. YABVU.

Sorry missed your second post

YABU

You want him to miss time with his kids so he can take your (joint?) children to activities. Meanwhile you’re presumably helping friend out with her kids activities. No. That’s not on.

How old are your children?
What support is your friend asking for?
Why doesn't your husband like your friend?

If my DH, who didn't work, asked to me to change my work schedule and weekend arrangements with my kids so he could go off to his mates's house-who I justifiably think is a dickhead-I wouldn't be happy either.

More info needed. If it's the case that your friend needs help cleaning her house and your kids are at school-why can't you help her during the school day?

If your dripfeed is going to reveal that your husband is an arse, your friend is amazing and needs your help to look after her kids so she can go and distribute dinner for the poor, then you'll probably get different answers.

I would imagine your DH doesn't want to work full time in a stressful job so that you don't have to work to make both your lives easier, then you expect him to move his work and contact times around to help someone he doesn't like which pisses him off.