How can I convince Dh to move back home?

Could your parents move to you instead?

And others who have suggested the same ....

Why on God's green Earth should op's parents, who are presumably elderly, uproot their entire lives to move to a country where, again presumably, they will know no-one other than op and her family, will be faced with unfamiliar language, legal system, healthcare system, local customs, with all the stress that would go along with all of that.

Then if you think your child’s life chances would be better in the UK eg school, university education, no military service, fluent English etc then that needs to be your argument, but be prepared for him to counter it with other arguments eg a less pressured childhood, less anxiety about violence, drugs, more personal freedom etc.

I highly do not reccomend comming back to the uk for your DD's school!! Our curriculm is crap, and since brexit the international oportunities for people with british education is questionable, and university degrees and placments/internaltion masters/phd programs are less now too. I regret comming back to the uk when i was younger and not finishing my eduction in france - especially as now, if i wanted to go do my job in france i would have to re-qualify on Eurocodes, where as if i came from the EU to the uk, i do not have to requalify.

The uk is going to hell at the moment, and moving back would not be in anyones best interests, other than prehaps your parents - would they consider moving to you instead?
Would you conisder a different country other than the uk?

This is the risk you take when you have a child abroad - assuming he has parental responsibility (or the local alternative), you can't take the child abroad without his consent. If you divorce you'd presumably need to go to court to do that.

I sympathise. How old is your child? In my situation children came to the UK for university and stayed. It made the decision for me very easy.

Well depends a lot on which country and their working and schooling situations. They could move to a closer place but still Europe for example. They could take 6 months off to trial living in the uk to see what it feels like. They could agree to spend 2 months a year here. They could buy a small flat near their parents to stay in more regularly. Depending on their income and situations there are in between options that might suit everyone instead of one person being terribly unhappy.

How long have you been living abroad ? Is it Europe or further afield? If you've been there a while, then he's going to take a lot of persuading...

Is it possible to re-visit the UK for a while to see how the land lies here and whether re-establishing a life back here is feasible rather than just thinking in terms of packing up and leaving ?

TBH your DH has a valid point. Country going to pot. Where are you? Europe? Further afield?

What compromise is possible? They moved abroad and had a child. He wants to stay there. The OP wants to go back to the UK. The choice is therefore a binary one surely? What compromise do you envisage being an acceptable outcome for both?

Was your child born in the UK or out there?

You can’t make him move back if he just refuses. You can divorce and go through court to decide custody of your child. Maybe he would move if the choice is move or divorce but if he really isn’t interested in moving back here then all you can do is decide for yourself and work out how to share your child.

Depending on how old your daughter is, but paying international fees for university. You need to be U.K. resident for 3 years for home fees.

This is the best answer actually and a version of the conversation we had when ‘let’s have an adventure overseas for a few years’ turned into something else altogether. Ended up staying and have moved on from any regrets. These are actually really important considerations throughout any marriage just with substituting the details.

It depends if the father is also British or not!

He can’t stonewall you on this discussion.

Suggest sitting down and taking a business like rather than an emotional approach.

Often people living abroad live in the short term, especially in younger years. You need to map out exactly what the following scenarios will look like, in terms of your relationships, finances, housing, citizenship, and back up plans eg in case of ill health or death.

1. What is best for your child for her schooling, her identity, her relationships and her growth
2. What will happen when/if she decides to move to the Uk (eg for university) and when/if she decides to settle in the Uk, strat a family.
3. Where do you want to retire and how?
4. Should you have marriage counselling to guide you through this difficult and fundamental decision, to stay or to go? How protected are you in case your marriage breaks down?
5. What will happen if you can’t reach an agreement. Will you divorce? How will custody work?

Strongly suggest an external mediator to help you have these serious conversations- they are more important than anything else as it’s basically your life plan and shared values. Good luck.

She can come to the UK alone if she wants to. He's not stopping that. She's not trapped.

He just doesn't want to come too.

He can, almost certainly and dependent on country, stop her from dragging her child across the world away from the only life they've known and away from one of their loving parents. And he'd be quite right in doing so, because it clearly wouldn't be in the best interests of the child. Hopefully OP wouldn't be selfish enough to even attempt to do that.

Not being willing to have the same conversation repeatedly is not the same as there having been no discussion, and why wouldn’t he be able to veto her plans when they depend on him going along with them?

Going along with what she wants isn’t a compromise. Why would he pay lip service to planning something he has no interest in doing, over being honest and upfront with her?

She very much has a say, she just isn’t entitled to get exactly what she wants.

Exactly. He has told the OP but she's unwilling to accept his views. That's not fair to the dh.

OP, I do feel sorry for you that you feel unhappy with your situation but you have to make decisions for yourself, you can't force another person to do what you want. Your dh has told you that he'd be unhappy returning to the UK, he seems happy with the life you've created abroad and you have to accept that.

What you can do is decide whether you want to seperate/arrange custody and then you move back to the UK and take on all that goes with that (a lot of upheaval for your dc flying back and forth between the 2 countries to spend time with each parent for example) or, change your mindset about living abroad.

Why exactly are you worried about your future there and why now? This must have been something you thought about years ago when you first settled there so what's changed? Think carefully about what you'd like to have in your life with regards to work, friends, social life etc etc and if you don't currently have what you want then what steps can you take to make it all happen there? Retrain for better work opportunities? Improve fluency skills if language is a barrier to better work opportunities? Join clubs to make more local friends? Travel to the UK more often to see your parents or ask them if they'd like to live in your country?

Fwiw, I wouldn't want my dc going to school in the UK. I love my parents very much and I'd want to help them as much as I could but, if I was in your situation, I wouldn't try to force my dh and dc to move country to be near to my parents, forcing them to leave behind a life they were happy with.
If you've been away for a long time, how do you know you would be happy living in the UK?

I hope you find some peace and happiness OP. If you come back to the thread and give further info maybe posters can help you find a solution that is reasonable for everyone involved.

He can veto her plans with zero discussion or compromise (look into schools, make plans to move back at secondary/uni age) and she has no say. That’s being trapped. Never move abroad with kids! How’s the marriage otherwise? Could you invest in a house here and spend long summers here? Would he at least agree to that?

In pretty much ANY country he block the daughter leaving. Look up Hague convention.

Where do you live? The UK is a bit shit right now, sorry, so I see your H's point.

He as a point the uk is really is crap now.

He has discussed it.

He doesn’t ‘need’ to have a positive attitude towards moving to the UK, or of the UK at all.

It is not at all unlikely that the Hague Convention will apply.

In the event that a child is taken from a non Hague signatory to the UK, that also doesn’t have relevant bilateral agreements with the UK, a complaining parent will still have recourse in the UK and can be returned to their place of habitual residence.

’Just go’ is shit advice.

It’s not a UK law that I’m referring to 🤷‍♀️

How old is your dc? I think if they are mid teens it’s very disruptive to move. However if they are primary age I’d be looking to discuss moving in the next few years - depends a bit on school system where you are.

What was the agreement before you moved abroad? Did you ever talk about moving back as your parents age ? It’s obviously fine for either to change your mind but just to get context.

if his life is good there and the family is happy, you may need to do some research to demonstrate you could have a good / better life in the uk. It is a tough decision and you both need to be on board. He’s unreasonable not to discuss it in detail - whatever the decision he should consider your argument carefully.