How can I convince Dh to move back home?

What country are you in ?

What's the country you are currently in.

But it doesn’t mean your DH should be unhappy either.

Where would your child be happy? Are they old enough to say where they would like to live?

The UK could be objectively flawless, it doesn’t mean he is required to like it or want to live there. He’s fully entitled to consider it a crap prospect that offers a comparatively poorer quality of life.

As for their daughter, her ‘roots’ may very well be where she is now, not in the country where her parents are from. She may even never develop ‘roots’ that emotionally tie her to any one place geographically, and be grateful for it. While the draw of one’s own country isn’t something you should underestimate, it should not be overestimated either.

It doesn’t matter. Neither of you, nor your child, are habitually resident in the UK.

It sounds like you have discussed it on more than one occasion as you say you have gone over the positives “many times”, but he think the UK is not a good place to live and so does not want to move back. That means you HAVE discussed it and you have both given your reasons for your views on coming back vs staying. You just haven’t managed to come to a mutually agreeable position.

This means you. are being disingenuous to say he won’t discuss it. He has, he just does not share your views and won’t agree with what you want. That is not the same thing as not discussing it at all, is it?!

If you want helpful answers, not just ones telling you he is awful for not discussing it with you or doing what you want, you need to be honest in your posts- and quite possibly with yourself.

The bottom line is that there is no true compromise if you are to stay together- you either move to the the UK or you don’t. You might be able to soften the blow for whichever one does not get their preference- a bolt hole in the UK or where you live now, for instance. Or longer holidays to one or the other, if employment/ education and finances allow. But you can only live in one place or the other. No compromises there.

You can’t force your DH to move, you can only make the decision for you and you alone. So, if your DH is adamant he does not want to move back to the UK (which it sounds like) then you have to accept his choice and make the best choice for you, considering all the factors and consequences.

Your choices are to stay with your family where you are and make your peace with it, or end your marriage and move back to the UK (possibly without your child if your DH won’t agree to allow them to move to the UK). You can’t make decisions for your husband, just as he can’t make them for you.

The fact your DC has a British passport does not automatically mean you can remove her without her father’s consent, so you would need to think about how that impacts your decision- is he likely to allow it? If not, what does that mean for you? As others have said, if the country you currently reside in is a signatory to The Hague convention or has a bilateral agreement with the UK (which between them cover the majority of countries, though not all) removing your child from their country of usual residence without the permission of their other parent (presuming you both have parental rights) is an offence. If you did so, you could be charged with child abduction (and other offences) which could result in a jail sentence, as well as potentially losing custody of your child with little (likely supervised) contact.

I wish you well, it’s not a great situation to be in. But you do need to be honest with yourself - he isn’t “refusing to discuss moving”, he is refusing to move.

There's no indication in the OP that he trapped her, for God's sake. Her now wanting to move and them having a child does not a trap constitute.

Mum's feelings don't trump habitual residence. Neither does passport. There's no exceptions to international law - or decency - for "but I didn't think it through".

Talk to him. Don't talk at him. And take him seriously too.

Is it a non English speaking country? That could be a point for you.

But it may be that the benefits of living in that country could outweigh the pull of returning to the UK.

Funds permitting you could buy a small place here and alternate your time. Spend time with parents and maintain UK ties. Then when she's old enough she can decide where to live/study.

You've put yourself in a very vulnerable position.

Your DD having a British passport isn't relevant here - she is "ordinarily resident" in an overseas country and that is the country that counts.

You can't take her back to the UK without her dad's permission. If you do try, he can have you arrested for child abduction under international law.

I mean language not luggage!

This, 100%. Criterion is usual place of residence, not passport.

You created a TCK whether you intended to or not

It takes two yesses to move and one yes to stay.
You cannot decide to have kids elsewhere with a consenting partner then change your mind and unilaterally decide to take them out either.

So: you are free to go but only alone.

Anything else goes through negotiation with him.

What did you think would happen?!

A flawless plan, what could possibly go wrong?
Sometimes I wonder if people join this forum with the sole purpose of causing harm

Who says the daughter will even want to go to university in the uk?

That would be against international law, especially if the country she is in is signed up to the Hague Convention. It would be classed as child abduction.

He HAS discussed it.

He has told you his answer and his wishes.

The fact that they don't match yours doesn't equal 'won't discuss it.'

He's getting angry because you aren't listening to his reasons.

Obviously we don't know where you are and how it compares.

Some countries are dire prospects especially for women and girls. Others make the UK look like a backward hole.

Is it that you live in his home country (luggage, family, culture are his etc) and want to go home?

Is it that you're both expats aka immigrants?

I take it you're British yourself.

This is an important point. If the only citizenship and passport your child has is British, then giving her some kind of root in - and knowledge of - the UK is important.

She needs to know her own country well, especially if it’s her only country, and especially in this volatile world…

Nb migrants / expats often have a negatively biased view of their own country, in this case the UK. It’s frankly not hellish, crap or going to the dogs. These are typical complaints usually made from people who live in an expat echo chamber. It is still one of the safest and most prosperous countries in the world by global ranking. It has tons of problems - but these are the same as those suffered by other similar countries. Finally, belonging is important. Don’t underestimate the draw of one’s home country. It might not be logical but it’s a strong human driver. Don’t forget that historically, exile was a punishment….

There is an international law called the Hague convention that prohibits the removal of children to another country by one parent, without the other parent's permission. It's a scary law: If a parent does this, they're charged with kidnapping and arrested, and the offence carries jail time. 103 countries are signed up to it.

So it's certainly not just about UK law.

I do wonder how it works in practice, though. It's all very well to have your wife arrested, but that means you have to be the only caregiver for your children, and we all know how many men would LOVE that!

Does your child have citizenship in the country where you currently reside? If not and your child will face any kind of a barriers building a life there as an adult, then I would use that as an argument for moving now to a location where the education will match where your child will need to live and work .

if your child is fine staying local forever, then it’s much harder. You could try taking the issue to the courts, but you will likely lose. That is the risk of moving abroad and anchoring yourself with a child. You can leave, but you can’t just take your child.

I guess you chose to have a child in that country so you now don’t have much choice but to stay there if your husband doesn’t want to return to the UK and you do. It’s difficult when you want two completely different things where there is no middle ground of compromise.
In an ideal world you’d discuss it and come to a decision you’re both happy with but that doesn’t seem possible here. Ultimately you could choose returning to the UK over your marriage but if he won’t agree to let you bring your child with you (understandably) then you have to live with the consequences of your earlier decisions to move to that country and have a child there. You could always move back by yourself/with your child once they reach 18 if they choose to come with you.

He's right - the UK is crap at the moment.

Can you afford to move back would be a major consideration
What's wrong with the schools were you are & what makes you think they are better in the UK?