DH wfh issues as it's our home!

And if a man did this to a woman working from home?! C’mon. This is one of those silly glib responses where absolutely no way would you yourself actually do this.

Of course it would be opposite response, he would be an inconsiderate arsehole who is abusive & controlling. Majority of women on MN detest men & revell in encouraging other women to behave in a way that would be considered abusive if a man was doing it. I honestly think some of the women on here must be so miserable & no wonder they are single if that’s how they treat people

It’s worrying for me that you think you are being selfish.

just - how?!?

youve tip toed around him for years, whilst he has an entirely available alter option, and you’re worried YOURE being selfish?!?

Beyond absurd.

what other things I wonder go on in your house/relationship

Oh I totally get this. I get so irritated when Dh retires to his office and can hear the chaos going on but won’t do anything to help because ‘he’s working’ when in fact there is an awful lot of YouTube scrolling going on from what I can make out.

I wouldn’t go to any lengths to be quiet if he’s choosing to work from home. If you need to hoover then hoover. If he complains then tell him it needs to be done and remind him he has another option if needed.

Could you not kindly say that it's great he can WFH however it is your home too and on the days you're off if chores are needed then you need to be allowed to get on with them. It might be better for him not to WFH those days. I don't see why you should tiptoe around when he's got an alternative.

Yanbu.
He sounds extremely selfish not to understand the above.
He adds huge stress to your day.
Stop it.
Up the noise and let the children in.

I would really live as if he wasn't there.
It would also make me rethink about him.
Such blatant selfishness is so unattractive.

stop it with the being quiet

you have been too accommodating now he has created a “normal” that works for him but not for you or the kids

kids are allowed to play and be noisy at home, you are allowed to have music on etc rtc

he can go to the office if he wants silencd

i hate that my husband has been at home since the pandemic and we had to change the ground rules, and I hoover/listen to music/do the (noisy) DIY etc as if he is not there, he has At least moved out of the kitchen and into the study (DS1’s old bedroom) now

i think men do not understand that them being at home often created an additional burden for their partner (men can be unaware of how demanding they are)

I WFH and wouldn't dream of expecting anyone to tiptoe around me. Background home/street noise is fine - it's never as bad or distracting as being in an open-plan office. And I'm the one playing loud music, it's a WFH perk. When DP is around the house and I'm working, it's not remotely bothersome to hear him going about his day.

Every so often there is something I need quiet for, like an extra important meeting, in which case I'll ask and he's happy to oblige. This will only be for an hour max and quite rare.

Given all that I'd be pretty put out if he said he wanted me out of the house just because he wanted "me time". I've read posts on here from women whose husbands haven't requested any sort of silence or tiptoeing, but just resent his mere presence. It's his house too, and he gets to use it however he feels.

The "trip the wifi! make life uncomfortable for him on purpose!" posts are batshit.

its your home too, enjoy it. If he treats it as an office to pretend to clients he is in an office therefore no home sounds, that’s his problem and needs to work 2 mile away. Go ahead as if he is not there.

YANBU

It is easier for your DH to be cocooned at home working than to travel 2 miles to his office to do the same work ???? He is being rather entitled over this IMO.
You need to have the conversation and suggest firmly that on the days you’re at home catching up on chores etc that he goes to the office. A 2 mile commute is nothing compared to what some people have to do for their work.

Stop making it so easy and pleasant for him to wfh then.

Obviously don't be deliberately obnoxious about it, but start behaving as though he isn't there.

Go in and out, do the chores that need doing, whether noisy or not.

Make your own space, stop fading yourself into the background to fit his convenience. No wonder your mh is suffering if you constantly put even minor inconvenience to him ahead of what you need.

If he doesn't like it, tell him to use his office.

I think it’s fine that he chooses to work from home….up to the point where his work requires that your house ceases to function as a home (eg keeping the kids quiet and not putting the hoover on - that sort of thing). At that point, if it doesn’t suit his work, then I’d say he needs to accept that it is primarily a home and not an office and that he should go into the office when he requires that level of quiet.

I'd be making it clear that you're ok with him wfh on your non-work days, but you will not be silent in your own home (and reiterate it's foremost a home, not an office). If he's unhappy with the noise from everyday tasks or some light music, whatever, then he's free to work from the nearby office on those days for peace.

I totally understand. My husband works from home and he is my toddler’s favourite parent so trying to keep the toddler out of his home office on my one day off a week to do housework etc is a total nihgtmare - I spend the whole day dragging the toddler back to be with me as he tries to break into the home office! I had no choice because my husband’s actual office is 3 hours away so he only commutes if he actually needs to.

Given your husband’s office is only 2 miles away you should just make no effort to accommodate him so he finds he prefers to work out of that office rather than the home one if you’re around!

I would be upset if my DH didn’t want me in the house

Both DH and I started wfh before it was popular. We have never tiptoed around the house or been quiet. It is a house first. Kids make noise.

there have been extremely rare phone calls where one of us would ask for quiet and privacy. I am talking about extremely important meetings that happen once in a blue moon. For those, we would make sure things were quiet or even empty out the house.

in other words, just ignore him and go about your day.

Have you tried cutting the overhead power lines or bombing the electric substation that serves your home? Maybe call in a terrorist threat to your street.

He'll soon get the message.

So him working from home is ok when it’s convenient for you but not otherwise?

It doesn’t even sound like he has said anything about needing to be super quiet anyway?

It is like saying ''well if he is going to act like an immature child I am going to have a tantrum and act the same" and we expect children to mature as they age?

How big is the home office? Put another chair in there and find twenty minutes a couple of times every day, when he's in there, to "sit and read quietly" 😏 or "do some household admin". He needs reminding that it's your house/space too - working at home is a luxury (I've done it) and he has a real office 30-40 minutes walk away.

Wait till he retires! Seriously yes it's annoying but it's his home too. Try asking him to go I'm the office occasionally so you can spring clean for example. Try to focus on the positive side.

sounds like you need to talk to him not vent on here

Oh this annoys me too! I started work 6weeks ago after being a sahm. I work part time, 3 days a week. I have had one half day alone at home since then! I'd like him to go to the office on my days at home but he seems to think he's doing me a favour wfh
Also expected to be quiet, no music on and yet get all the housework done... He had to listen to DD and a friend shrieking and cackling all afternoon yesterday, maybe that will encourage him to go to the office more!

And tripping the WiFi is a dick thing to do.

cant believe the number of people suggesting that, and making excessive noise deliberately instead of having the unambiguous conversation about what's on your mind. How unpleasant.

I'm going to lapse into the double-standards trope, but I bet if it was the DH doing it, the response would be very different,