DH wfh issues as it's our home!

Can’t believe how many posts I’m seeing where people are kicking their DHs out of their own homes so they can have the house to themselves lol. Imagine a DH telling DW on your days off you need to go out so I can have peace and quiet

His office is 2 miles away. He should go there at least 4 days a week. However I set up on my own in the 90s from home (home except when out at meetings) so have seen both sides of this. Our children were in full time school by then and our previous house had a separate side door with the office in it like an annex. This house has the office on ground floor but I can shut and lock my door so have been able to keep away from the children pretty well.

Now I am older our 2 last children both qualified as solicitors last year and they live here with me. I prefer it when they are out working in the office in London but I do understand how working from home is nicer too - one currently goes in 4 days a week and the other about 3 (although it has varied over time and sometimes like this week one is home every day). As we are all working it is not a problem.

Has he complained about the noise etc of you and the kids going about your day? If he's not bothered by it then it shouldn't bother you. If he is bothered about it then yes, if he has an office elsewhere that costs him nothing to use and is only two miles away then he should use that rather than try to turn the family home into a professional environment.

Haven't rtft but I totally get it OP. DH is almost full time WFH since the pandemic. I miss my time alone. We bought the house as a home not a workspace. He's up down the stairs frequently it does get on my nerves!

Cutting the WiFi when her DH whose income they rely on is working rather than the OP having an adult conversation with her DH? That sounds rather petulant and attention-seeking, not to mention controlling, don't do this OP.

Start doing all the noisy chores and he'll soon be back to the office.

Yes! Get that hoover out. He doesn't get to control.your day if he doesn't need to.

Harder to say "i just don't want you here" I suppose, but I 100% sympathise.

yeah if he has somewhere else to go i wouldn’t be tip toeing around. He can work hybrid and in the office on the days you are home. Normally family and household noises can’t be stopped constantly like that it’s ridiculous.

DH works from home full time for the last 13 years. But - he has an office up in the loft and there is no normal foot traffic around him.
DD's room is next to him and it always worked, she moved up when she was 5 and is now 17 so even on school holidays it works. She knows that she isn't to go into his office.

On my day off I run around the house, do chores, do laundry, get deliveries and create normal noise.

If he is on calls he he just closes his door.

So while he’s working FT, WFH and not having a commute (even a short one eats into your day) means he can do school runs, the shopping, washing etc? So he does a fair share of household duties and presumably childcare when you’re out at work on weekends? He’s got a dedicated office space in your house and he’s not explicitly told you to be quiet or not do eg the hoovering?

Don't play stupid games with the wifi and letting the DC in his office. Do get on with your tasks as you need to. Have you actually tried to suggest he spend a day in the office?

On the whole though - YABU.

Being retired is a completely different kettle of fish! We’ve both been at home for about 14yrs now (DH took early retirement and I was a SAHM).

If my DH suggested I had to be quiet for X hours a day so he could work, he’d be given short shrift!

The home is OP’s sanctuary too and her DH needs to understand that.

A sensible compromise is for the DH to go to work in his office on the days that she’s at home and he can wfh on the days she’s out at work.

I don’t understand why you are all tiptoeing around him?

Just be your noisy usual selves and if he dares complain, he knows where his office is.

I think you should just carry on doing what you would normally do regardless. He has a choice and another office to work in. You only have one house.

Talk to him point out that you can’t keep the kids quiet etc and a compromise needs to be made - everyone else can’t sacrifice just for his easy life

He's a dick. I WFH a lot of the time but I never expect my family to tiptoe around me because I've chosen to work in their space instead of at my workplace. You should take precedence day to day and if he has a problem with it, he has somewhere else he can choose to go work at!

He is being unreasonable, especially when he expected you to keep the kids quiet for his work calls. But you are facilitating this by complying with his ‘office quiet’ requirements. Tell him you will no longer do this as he has an office for office quiet.

Is your husband paying for the office two miles away? If so, it sounds like a waste of money. Would it be possible to set up an office away from the family - e.g. in a garden or attic - instead?

Did you see the bit where OP said she has two days off per week as she also does weekend shifts wherever possible? It also sounds as if her child has additional needs. I don't somehow think she's working part time.

I work from home while my DH has our kids some days. I get it but my office is a lot further away (think 10 miles at least)

My desk is in our bedroom where I can put on noise cancelling headphones and shut the door. It’s a non issue if they want to scream, shout, hoover, whatever. Why is he being awkward and plonking himself where it is noisy?

It’s compromise and he should be out at the office when your home to let you get on as you do him. It’s a home first and foremost.

Not particularly helpful to your situation but pre-Covid I always thought a downstairs office would be part of a perfect house layout. My neighbour has this. I now realise upstairs is better; away from the worst of kids/family noise (for me) and away from the front door. I get my headphones on and, for me, i am bomb proof. My neighbour is clearly visible to anyone knocking! Awkward. I’d think I’d need to block the window.

2 miles away?! Oh boo hoo him! That’s nothing, tell him to get on his bike - literally - it will be good for him!

Tell him you’ll be cracking on as normal on your home days and he can go to the office if he doesn’t like it.

I used to have this argument with my husband too when he wanted us to be quiet, meanwhile we were to pretend he wasn't there. How does that work, if you weren't there we would be making noise?

My line was always that you are working in our home, we are not living in your office!

@Beautifulweeds offcie on your days at home. Don’t start the convo with that though. Make that your point of compromise .
Tell him you need to chat on what works best for both of you (the family) .

Even though you are not being paid by an external employer on those days, you are still working; you are bringing up your AND DH’s children. If he doesn’t like the work environment he has an alternative location to go to.