Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

I feel that the OP is being let down by social services. She really does need appropriate respite. Yes, I know that that is like hen's teeth and - unless I've misunderstood - part of the respite provided is for male carers to come in at night...and this really isn't giving the OP a break at all.

A school friend's parents kept their autistic daughter at home for years. An assisted living facility was made available, but the parents refused.

Finally, when the daughter was about 50 the mother agreed that the daughter could move. The father had died, the middle daughter had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and the youngest girl was also unwell.

The eldest girl was, by all accounts, very happy in the facility.

I'd hate to be in the situation that the OP is in, but I'm hoping that when she's liaising with the appropriate authorities that a conversation is being had about what will happen when her son is older. She's already having difficulty coping with a 9 yr old boy and he's only going to become bigger and stronger. She can't advocate for her son if she lands up in hospital.

I'm sorry - I don't mean to be dramatic, but there were difficulties when I was a child because a non-verbal teenager used to run after the younger children. (Not my schoolfriend's daughter.) I'm sure that the teenager only wanted to play, but she used to hit me. I was tall for my age, but I was only about 8 yrs old and the teenager towered above me.

My parents were sympathetic so there were no police reports. However, it only stopped when a 12 yr old girl jumped up and slapped the teen on the face. (No, I'm not advocating violence.)

What I'm trying to say in a really clumsy manner is that a conversation needs to be had now about what will happen when the OP's son is an adult. I'm sure that the OP knows that, but I'm trying to say that staying at home with her might not be the best for her son, no matter how much she loves him. When my schoolfriend's sister entered an appropriate facility, the sister actually had a much better quality of life.

The OP is already being physically abused. I'm assuming that this is why her son only has male carers.

I've never been in the same situation as the OP, but I've cared for disabled adults whilst working full time. Sleep deprivation nearly did for me. I'm wondering whether there is a charity that would help advocate for the OP?

It happened to my son. He was healthy and then he wasn't.

He's actually the same age as OP's child but his needs aren't as severe as he can talk and understands that people are trying to sleep at 4am but we still have some minor disturbances through the night because he has care needs during the night, is tired and grumpy and doesn't want to be woken up so will often complain loudly including crying until he can be calmed down.

We do what we can to keep the noise to a minimum it but I appreciate that I can do that much easier because my son actually has appropriate understanding for a 9 year old.

Our house is HA too and we were offered it due to his needs. Luckily we've never had any complaints. He has a specialist bed too which is huge and can only fit in his specific room.

Thats why I didn’t answer - I think she thought you required sympathy for having a noisy neighbour.

I think you have me confused!

when you are lucky enough to have considerate enough neighbours, which thankfully it's still the norm for many, these are normal neighbourhood.

Allowing disabled children who actually live there to enjoy their life too. Because you are the only one trying to turn the thread into an ableist rant, when it's not.

There are already such places @SleeplessInWherever even with rules about noise, and they sound ideal to me.

When the time comes I will be buying or renting one.

I’ve got an idea - all of those who can’t bare noise, and would like to be away from disabled children’s howling…

We’ll build you a commune. It’ll be lovely and quiet, nice and out the way, settled peace and quiet.

Every house detached, just to be on the super safe side.

True, and all those would be awful too - but probably only the dog that would result in never being able to sleep past 4am. And it's the sleep deprivation that scares the bejeezus out of me - as long as I can sleep I probably would have the resilience to just about cope with those other scenarios.

I would take a yappy dog every day over what I went through.

The other stuff you mention is anti social behaviour and there are other avenues to address it.

A profoundly disabled child howling and yelling Is not and should not be a police matter obviously.

True. And terrible for them. But as I've chosen to be child-free that's not going to ever be one of my worries - unlike having neighbours that mean I can't sleep - whatever the cause.

Oh yes please do. I am sick.of listening to all this nonsense.
How can someone who can read,write and is capable of posting on a forum think.that they are comparable with a severely autistic person who is non verbal and reliant on carers for their every need?
I am waiting with bated breath for all these wise people who have the magic formula to solve all these issues.

Why do people insist on seeing prejudice where there is none?

I felt deep sympathy for the family next door. I have no idea how they coped. It's horrifying. I don't have a heart of stone and actually felt tremendous guilt for confronting them.

One reason I never considered children was because I knew in my deepest being, I could not cope with a disabled child. I was not willing to take that risk. This is not prejudice. It is self knowledge.

There comes a time though when enough is enough with constant maddening intrusive noise and sleep disruption and you are done. It is a living nightmare, just like for the parent.

And PS being in a detached property would not prevent most of those scenario's either.

Well if you are going to start worrying about this scenario here are a few more things to add to the list.
Just think you might end up with a neighbour with an annoying yappy dog that never stops barking.( Try getting them to shut it up. You would probably have the same amount of success as trying to stop an autistic child stimming)

You could end up with drug dealers next door dealing from their home or a cannabis farm.
You might have neighbours who install a hot tub and sit out there talking half the night. Annoying cars with loud revving engines waking you up.early I'm the morning. And so on and so forth.
There are many ways peoples lives are made uncomfortable by people living next door or in close quarters and lots of them are entirely preventable but you are fixating on families with disabled children and talking about them as though they are a plague .

This is a non-verbal child I'm a special school. How do you expect anyone could stop them screaming? What do you mean your mum wouldn't have let you get away with it? Please enlighten us all with these amazing strategies for controlling an autistic child?

You know what else can happen to any parent at any time? Their child becoming disabled.

what a mad statement !
If they were dealing drugs from their property would that be a problem?

Exactly.

As I and others have reiterated, the source of the noise is irrelevant.

Anyone, disabled or not, that makes sleeping impossible for me equals life-ruining. Anyone, disabled or not, who doesn't affect my ability to sleep isn't life-ruining or indeed any problem at all.

One of my neighbours sent me multiple complaints on Facebook messenger about my autistic teen making noise in our summer house on his games, she also moaned about him shouting and the foul language when I would go out telling him to keep it down and how that would set him off shouting for hours. I ignored her messages as it appeared that she wanted me to stop him but was angry that when I tried it made him worse. I had offered her the chance to try herself before but point out that when his 14 years old 6ft 1 and twice the size of me, I don't fancy my chances if he flipped out and that unless she's going to restrain him if he lashes out to mind her own business. We own our property and are going nowhere. She recently moved out and new neighbours understand much better.

“I’m horrified by the noise disabled people make, even thinking about a disabled child I live nowhere near is making me come out in a cold sweat.”

Honestly. It’s hilarious at this point.

Why did you mention yours is HA and your neighbour’s is privately owned? Do you think she’s picking on you?

It's not me spouting nonsense. Likening living next to disabled people to a horror movie, stating that it's unsettling and life ruining.

Actually yes, living next to this is horrific feeling suicidal through the lack of sleep is horrific.

it is not only families with disabled children who deserve sympathy. Everyone is struggling with something - some people might be struggling with mental health issues, with desperately trying to keep a job, with their kid struggling because of stress/anxiety. All of these made a million times worse through lack of sleep and constant noise.

No, the potential for neighbours to move in who would make it impossible to sleep in my house.

So do you feel any sympathy for jenrobin?