Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

Only read OP's posts.
I think if I learnt that you were not able to move and that your opinion was that I just had to accept it because there is nothing you can do I would move myself.

Being sympathetic and understanding doesn't mean accepting being woken at 4.30am every day - not in my own home.

Can you move him to a different room at 4:30 when he’s not in his bed? I appreciate you don’t want him in your room and the other room is small and used for carers, but I think you’re going to have to compromise here… I can absolutely appreciate not wanting to be awake at that hour, let alone downstairs if that increases the supervision he needs, but I think you need to do something.

It’s not going to be as easy as your neighbour just selling up. No one is going to be elated to move in next to you, so viewings would have to be carefully (and misleadingly) planned for when he’s not home, always, and now that she’s complained to the HA, she may well have to declare that to new buyers…

It’s going to be compromises on all sides, but sound proofing is definitely worth looking into, and doing anything you can to minimise the impact on the family next door.

I do really, really feel for you 💐

I can get why the neighbour isn’t happy but I wouldn’t move. You’d probably come across the same problem somewhere else, unless the housing association can give you a detached house with no neighbours.
The noises being made aren’t controllable, the neighbour will have to get some noise cancelling headphones.

This. Not sure where you go from here, it’s incredibly difficult for you both.

For those saying she ought to buy ear plugs, I can’t, they give me ear infections every time.

Tbf, no-one should have to wear ear plugs in their own home.

Oh god I didn’t even read the neighbours child’s age. Yeah my son is doing his exams right now and I’d be even more fuming if his sleep was being disrupted because the op doesn’t want to start her day an hour earlier but expected me/my child to suffer.

@YourMintReader there's no point for you to move unless you are guaranteed no neighbours. At least her family is old enough to be able to use earplugs, imagine it was exhausted mum with toddlers.

Maybe use her complaints to get yourself smth more isolated, and switch bedrooms for now.

The 15 year old next door must be doing their GCSE's, I wonder if the woman is angry due to the teenager being sleep-deprived and concerned that this could impact on their academic performance? Being woken up at 4:30 by screams and shouts must be absolutely brutal, I have sympathy for both sides.

Can you really get used to constant screaming through the wall at 4am?

I haven’t sent you a single DM, which @MNHQ can confirm. How pathetic to fabricate an accusation like that.

I do sympathise with your neighbour and it’s hard for both of you. I think she will get used to it. I do think we get immune to regular noise. My neighbour sits revving his motorcycle everyday at 5am for what seems like a ridiculous amount of time. It used to wake me up but I’m used to it now and don’t hear it. My other neighbours children are out playing football on our shared drive at 7am daily and again I have gotten used to it now and often forget they are out there,

You don't seem to understand that you are ruining their home, that they worked and saved for, also the education of their dcs who must be disturbed too.

Your son is not their problem. It's either tough for the two of you, or tough for a whole young family.

I think you should move. I really do. It's no ones fault, but either through harassment by your dc or exhaustion or just being half numb to what is going on, you seem to not realise what you are expecting people to deal with.

just a thought but is your living room/dining joined to the neighbours or suitable for his bedroom? we moved my son into the dining room when he was younger and didn't sleep. He to non verbal and screamed/screeched luckily our neighbours hadn't complained but we thought at the time it would be a lot better for everyone all around (DCs and Dh) at least then the sound doesn't travel directly into someone's joined bedroom. Please don't feel like you have to move, this is not your fault and I truly understand what you are going through. its understanding your neighbours are tired and upset BUT it isn't your fault or your sons fault. people get cranky wjen they are running on empty.

Ensure she got soundproofing after moving in

4:30 is extremely early for noise to start. I know you can’t help it but that is very anti sociable.

Could you speak to the council and ask for sound proofing to be put in in your house and particularly in the adjoining walls?

Sorry you’re having a hard time. Really not your fault. I feel like if you move you’ll have the same issue…

I'm the neighbour in this situation (without the complaints I haven't complained) but our neighbour has a non verbal young adult child.

Honestly, there are times when I am so frustrated. When its 1am and I've got work the next day, when my kids are coming in twice a night to tell me they have been woken up again but realistically, I don't think complaining will help the situation in any way...I don't think there is anything my neighbours can do. We try ear plugs and white noise but doesn't always work

I suppose what I'm saying is, I dont think there is an answer. Tell your neighbour you're doing your best and speak to ha about maybe sound proofing but other than that, I don't think anything can be done

Why would she move?! In her shoes l would be thinking lm not making the noise and l was here first, me moving wouldn’t be my response

Why would you move. You are not partying all night, she is being a busy body.

Try to defuse the noise when possible otherwise just live your life. 🥰

Possibly, but I was replying to a poster who said the OP should never have considered living in flats or terraced housing with her autistic child. Which is one of the most spectacularly tin-eared and bone-headed comments I have ever seen on MN.

Hope you’re ok, OP. You sound like you’re doing your very best. Speak to OT and is there still a Disability Facility Grant for adaptations? Or maybe you need a managed move; speak to HA and see what they can do. Don’t make any hasty decisions. I also hope you’ve got a social worker and some respite. It sounds very tough and only those who have been in your shoes, really understand how relentless it is.

@YourMintReader I haven’t read the whole thread as Mumsnet isn’t always the most understanding with SEN children.

My son also loudly stims but doesn’t speak. It’s up to you about the moving but you and your son are allowed to be there, don’t feel you have to move.

Funnily enough Mumsnet usually comes to the defence of noisy neighbours, when it’s booze related.

Others will have better advice but I just wanted to send strength! It’s not easy parenting.

I agree with this. If you can't move him to another room then I think you need to find a different house. It is not fair on neighbours to be sleeping in the room next to your DC if he is screaming at 4.30am.

À 4 30am wake up is hideous, you and your neighbours must be losing your minds.

Are you sure you can't fit the bed into the other room? If not you need to fit some soundproofing.

How old is your son?

It’s likely that her child has communication difficulties as she says he doesn’t speak. A vocal/verbal autistic person who can reply to threads on MN is very different to a non-verbal autistic person who attends an SEN school and requires respite support.