Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

so selfish not to be all sweetness and light when she is woken by screaming at 4:30?

There are no winners here but it is utterly shit for the neighbour. Utter unadulterated shit. And of course it is not a barrel of laughs for OP either.

What was your previous living situation? I think you need to tell the HA they need to help you with a solution- either move you to a more suitable house or else help you soundproof. Subjecting your neighbour to this noise, even saying you can’t help it is not on. I know you didn’t choose this but he is your responsibility and you can’t inflict the pain on others just because you can’t help it. Sorry this sounds harsh.

Not all autistic children are like OP’s.

I don’t think anyone’s unreasonable here - you can’t force your son to be silent but she’s within her rights to want to sleep past 4.30am undisturbed. The swearing allegation could be because she’s half awake and confused when she hears the noise.

Given there’s no easy solution, this tension is likely to be ongoing. She probably won’t want to move because, like you, she likes the area and it’s a big upheaval moving especially when you own your house.

Can you be really explicit with your HA about the situation? E.g. there is no way for me to change the time or level of noise my son makes due to his autism and his room, which is the only suitable one in the house, is on the adjoining wall. I expect my neighbour to continue to be upset and complain whilst I live here.

You could also ask the HA for permission to attach acoustic foam to the adjoining wall if you can afford to. If there’s any furniture like a wardrobe, shelves, etc in that room, maybe you could move it against the wall to muffle the noise if the layout allows?

Yes, move. You’re in an awful situation having to deal with that as a parent. However, the council can just move you. She privately owns which makes it much harder and it would cost her thousands. You’ll never relax in that house and neither will she. I feel sorry for her tbh, I would find it unbearable living next to you by what you describe.

Horrible, selfish woman? What, because she doesn't like being woken up by a screaming neighbour at 4.30am?
I know posters like virtue signalling on this site but that is taking it to extremes.

People have a right to quiet enjoyment of their homes. Sleep deprivation and frequent unpleasant noise is well known to cause harm. Why doesn't this neighbour's well-being matter at all?

It is absolutely not the OP's fault, but neither is it the fault of the neighbour. She is suffering due to something she has no control over. It was wrong for the OP and her son to be housed here.

And as for moving. Why the bloody hell should she? This is her home and she's not the one causing the disturbance. If she owns, instead of renting, it could easily cost her £15k plus to move due to stamp duty. Are you @Reversetail offering to pay that for her? Then there's the issue of the next neighbour, would it be fair to allow anyone else to move into the neighbour's property?

I salute you for bringing up an autistic child I could not do it -

Maybe Reversetail could go and live next to OP.

Totally agree. I realise it’s a tough situation and not intentional, however it’s not the neighbours problem to manage. The op has a three bedroom house - move him farthest away, pay for soundproofing if HA won’t and if you get bitten from taking him downstairs, unfortunately that’s a better option than your current set up. You have to make every effort to minimise the disruption op, no matter if that makes your life more difficult, 4.30 every day in not on.

I feel for you OP and I also feel for your neighbour who is getting woken up at 4.30am. That's horrendous. I have no ideas to add but I think you have to do something.

Yes,‘completely different. Been woken up at 4.30 by screaming day in day out by next door is something most people couldn’t just get used to and be fine with. Feel sorry for the neighbour and her poor kids.

Well, quite. I couldn’t and wouldn’t tolerate it my own home day in and day out from 4.30am onwards. I also wouldn’t be wearing ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones, or submitting my children to all of that either. I have my own problems e.g. a chronic condition that is exacerbated by poor sleep and stress. It’s already tricky enough for me working and caring for my children. The person making the noise needs to do the soundproofing as there’s obviously associated costs

I do think it's easier when it's your own/your family's noise though, rather than someone else's.

It’s evidently a new burner account, it doesn’t have any followers or followings or photos posted. I’ve now put mine on private

They might use a little punctuation while they were about it!

Bit weird to use your own MN name to send nasty messages - surely whoever it is would make another name up

@YourMintReader your life sounds so difficult. I’m so sorry.

How old is he? Sorry if I’ve missed it.

@BeEagerEagleyes I think you can. I work nights and I am able to sleep through my very noisy children in the next room and running around the house. We have hard wood floors too so I could hear them running around. My dc can get a bit screechie when playing with each other (we are detached so no neighbours to worry about). It used to drive me mad and I’d tell them and dh to stop. I got used to it. I can sleep through it easily now.

That is a complete and utter fabrication, and you know it. You are a very strange individual

You are so naive and uneducated in your response.
i have a very young autistic toddler who screams constantly, happy, sad, eating, reading, constantly screaming, that’s just his nature.

I have tried everything to stop the screaming, but some children with ASD just scream, they use it as a way of stimming.

I feel sorry for OP is it’s a difficult situation. Don’t be so quick to point the finger.

Horrible selfish woman! Are you, to come over all MN, on glue? If I were constantly being woken at 4.30 I'd be feeling suicidal, if not homicidal. I can't even begin to imagine how that poor woman must be feeling.

if its housing association, then will you be able to just move?

I think id want to put up extra soundproofing, but also I think if she keeps on with false complaints which are demonstrably false such as the swearing, then I would not take kindly to her harrassment

I was with you at first until you said you leave him to scream in his bedroom from 4:30am.

You know that’s not acceptable, hence why you’re thinking of moving. I have every sympathy I really do, I have severely autistic family members, it’s incredibly tough.

But this is not your neighbours problem and it sounds like she is at her wits end. I know you are too, but unfortunately this is your problem to solve. You can’t expect them to listen to him shout and scream at 4:30 because you don’t want to remove him from his room.

Speak to the HA about sound proofing, get him out of his room when he starts. If that fails I’d probably look at moving because you’ll never feel comfortable there whilst this is an issue, she has every right to complain about the noise.