Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

Try to have furniture on the adjoining wall to deaden the sound if it's not going to make it worse (banging doors for example. )

It's shit . Sometimes they just won't be quiet. You can do as much as possible but it still doesn't work. The support you get is minimal. (He gets respite so he must have very high needs)

What an awful thing to say.

Wow - that's such an unkind thing to say.

OP - would it be best to get this thread moved to SEN to get proper advice and experiences?

Parents of children with additional needs are unvalued, sleep deprived and constantly on high alert whilst simultaneously trying to think of creative ways of supporting their children...if it was as easy as "moving bedrooms" then OP would have already thought of it.

VR headset sounds like it could help. Waterfalls and the like and he could perhaps feel like he is exploring without leaving the house?

Is there anything the housing association could do to help with sound proofing indoors? I remember looking into it for internal walls in my own home when my sons vocal tics were disturbing his sister at night.

If an Occupational therapist has recommended the bathroom adaptations, speak to them about sound proofing as it could be seen as an adaptation to meet his needs. Otherwise, speak to the Housing association about whether they can help with sound proofing or if they have other ideas.
Consider placing wardrobes against walls that are attached to your neighbours, this will reduce sound travel. Have lost of things that will muffle sound (if safe) eg. Curtains, carpet, cushions, rugs, wall hangings etc.

You can swap rooms with him....so he has your room. Simple

But what are your plans @YourMintReader

Because this can’t be sustainable for either of you? He sounds extremely dystegulated - what calms him and keeps him happy?

What did you do in your old home? Was he quieter there, so maybe he might settle down once you have been there longer? Or did you have soundproofing there? If he was waking there at 4.30am I am surprised you haven't had to deal with neighbours being upset before.
Or was the noise part of the reason for the move and you had to leave the old home?

There are a lot of comments here from people who evidently aren’t getting 3hrs sleep a night or bitten/bruised etc.

OP - nobody in this house is going downstairs at 4am either. That’s not when the day starts, certainly not at the speed it would if we did. If we started our downstairs routine at 4am, we’d be falling apart by 6.

If the only room he’s in is the one that best meets his needs, and the house meets his needs - don’t move him or home. If there is anything that calms him for that period, I’d assume you’re already doing it or planning to. It’s not like you love the 4am noise party. Look at soundproofing as you’ve said, maybe try one conversation with her, and then leave her to get on with it.

Your priority is your son, end of story. You can try to find measures to help her, but don’t make your life even harder in the process, it’s already tough enough and anyone with an ounce of compassion can see that.

You said why you apparently can't put him in the boxroom but you said you didn't want to put him in your room because he would "frolic and break stuff".

You haven't said why he can't go downstairs in a dining room or similar unless I missed it.

Are you really sure you can't fit his bed in your room. It's unlikely to have two small box rooms, usually it's 2 double rooms and a box.

I really feel for you OP, I know your life must be incredibly hard.
I also really feel for the neighbour. I would have gone insane by this point if I was woken at 4.30am every morning for 6 weeks and with no end in sight. I couldn’t accept that situation.
(I know the OP has no end as it’s her life, unfortunately. But it’s not the neighbours).

You need to look into soundproofing urgently. Look at temporary methods you can use as the social services OT will not be able to get long term options in very quickly at all.
As much as it’s not ideal, you do need to look at reconfiguring your house to minimise disturbance to your neighbour. Less ideal for you but a bit better for them.
You can’t change your son’s behaviour. I understand that. But you also cannot carry on as things are.

This is why its so hard having a disabled child. Because OP shouldn’t, but its very hard to get the alternative. Unfortunately in this country its likely she will

As she's said many times, OP cannot move him to another bedroom as he has a specialist safety bed that won't fit in the other rooms. It's not that she doesn't want to change his bedroom, she can't.

You really need to move him so that the noise that he makes first thing in the morning is not on an adjoining wall. It may not be the ideal room and it may not be ideal for you, but it's really not ok to have him waking them up every morning at 4:30. You need to prioritize making sure that this doesn't happen however tough it is (and I do get that it is tough)

People are acting like its really care for social to agree to put kid in residential care? They dont do this unless they have exhausted absolutely everything- and complaints from a neighbour isnt going to change this especially if its the first time. And letting a man sleep in OPs bed???? Have you considered that the carer AND OP dont want that?? Sorry but OP deserves dignity and a degree of comfort in her own home as well

You sound like you have a lot on your plate and that you are doing an amazing job in a challenging situation. Personally I would be too mortified of myself to be complaining about a well looked after child next door but I can see how the 4.30am wake ups would be driving her potty. Her giving out about garden noise is completely unreasonable.

Definitely don’t move. You sound like you have a perfect house. Look into the sound proofing, focus on reducing that night noise and then you will just have to hold your head up high and ignore her.