Page 25 | Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

YourMintReader · 2025-05-15T18:40:54+00:00

I moved in 6 weeks ago. Within a week, the neighbour had complained about noise levels from 4.30am in the morning. First with a note through the door, the second time I got a phone call from Housing Association. Quickly resolved when I explained why. Understandable, but there’s nothing I can do. This is from loud shouting and vocal stims. She has now complained to the Housing Association that I am letting my son play out for hours on end, screaming. And has added he screams foul language. Quickly proven otherwise by me by emailing over countless documents that mention he doesn’t speak a word. He does scream, happy and sad screams and different times. But I am absolutely not allowing him out ‘all day’ He goes to school 8am to 4pm return. His weekend schedule is 4/4.30am - Awake. Downstairs around 5.30am latest. We might leave the house for about 9am. Possibly 2 hours of respite carers out the house for a couple of hours with them. He would spend about 2 or 3 hours max a day in the garden. Inside no later than 6pm. My neighbour has also got 2 children, 12 and 15. I have never heard from them but they’re older. It’s a really small new build development and I ^think^ I and one other house are the only housing association tenants. Would you look to move? I would be against it but cannot see a solution if it doesn’t stop. I can’t feel so worried in my own home. Bloody awkward as there just isn’t many houses so you can’t blend in at all

Mrsttcno1 · 16/05/2025 14:00

YourMintReader · 16/05/2025 13:53

Okay, so nice where to, exactly? What is this mythical property you speak of? There is a housing crisis. Admittedly, it’s not so bad in this area - However, what you’re describing is beyond specific. How likely do you think it will be that it’s possible? Come on now, this is social housing.

And what about the comment of having to sell and move in their situation? What do you honestly want me to say?

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That’s not your neighbours problem.

As you say you’ve had neighbours previously who didn’t mind, this one does, so it’s not every neighbour. You’ve got one here who is- rightfully- really struggling with the situation, that’s not going to change, do you want to live there? Letters and calls every day about the noise? I wouldn’t personally.

And frankly if I was your neighbour none of those things are my concern, my priority are the people in my house. Every single person in my house would suffer with this sleep pattern, I’d never stop pushing and I suspect they won’t either.

Are you going to pay their stamp duty, solicitors fees etc for them to move?

vintagecrow · 16/05/2025 13:59

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You lost me at calling women Karen’s, and men ”mean men”.

BernardButlersBra · 16/05/2025 13:59

Mrsttcno1 · 16/05/2025 13:44

Interesting, but you think it’s okay for your neighbour who has bought her home to just accept being woke up at 04:30 every single morning forever more?? Or that she should have to go through the extremely expensive process of selling her house, to get away?

I would move if I was you. I do understand you’re not in an easy spot but I would be livid if I was your neighbour, not only would it be impacting me but also my husband who needs his sleep for safety in work and my daughter who needs her sleep. My own family are my priority so I’d be on to the HA & council with every bit of evidence I can get- which would be easy given that I’d have nothing to do every day from 04:30 every day other than collate that evidence.

It would be worth getting on to see if there are any soundproofing options to see if that makes any difference

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This is what l would do: collate the evidence which as you said would be easy if it is every day from 4.30am, l am sure the neighbour is already sick of it a few weeks in. She has been very controlled under the circumstances, l would have been round a fair few times by now l am sure to say the noise isn't acceptable and my house is sick of being woken up every day. I wouldn't be moving house (it would be a cost to me, the market is slow where l am and the my location is convenient for me) plus l am not causing the problem. I appreciate OP is in a tough situation but the world doesn't stop for her family. Already a minimum of 3 other people are being disturbed

Marley11 · 16/05/2025 13:57

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vintagecrow · 16/05/2025 13:57

Toolatetoasknow · 16/05/2025 13:53

I think OP is making things much harder than they need be. 9years in and she is only just considering sound proofing. Minimal concern for neighbour and her family. Absolutely refusing to consider moving the child from adjacent room. And seeming to rank her need for double bed over neighbours need to sleep. How on earth does she expect the people who get up and go to work and pay their taxes to be kind and sympathetic those circumstances?

Well said. I have a tough job and need to function at work. To pay taxes for those who can’t work.

Original poster

YourMintReader · 16/05/2025 13:57

Toolatetoasknow · 16/05/2025 13:53

I think OP is making things much harder than they need be. 9years in and she is only just considering sound proofing. Minimal concern for neighbour and her family. Absolutely refusing to consider moving the child from adjacent room. And seeming to rank her need for double bed over neighbours need to sleep. How on earth does she expect the people who get up and go to work and pay their taxes to be kind and sympathetic those circumstances?

He is 9. The issue at hand hasn’t been present, in such extremes, for 9 years, obviously..

And as I’ve stated before ffs, previous neighbour was insisting the noise wasn’t heard by her/didn’t bother her. Of course she could be lying to save face and be nice! But she seemed completely genuine and stress free, breezy. Why would I start insisting and fighting for sound proofing in that situation? It didn’t occur to me because it wasn’t an issue

OP posts:

SleeplessInWherever · 16/05/2025 13:56

TheHerboriste · 16/05/2025 13:50

No matter what the toll on others??

You can integrate someone into society by day without ruining others’ lives and health with round the clock chaos and screaming.

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I don’t know whether you realise how critical of the disabled your tone sounds.

However - my first priority is the child that lives in this house and what happens in these 4 walls. Show me someone who doesn’t prioritise their own family.

I personally think that society would be a far more pleasant place if it didn’t want to send disabled children to some sort of commune for the vulnerable, and were accepting of their needs. If at 4am the thought was about how he can’t help it, and it must be tough for the mum.

Like I said, that’s the more pleasant approach IMO. Far more pleasant than wanting to send him away somewhere.

TheHerboriste · 16/05/2025 13:55

Toolatetoasknow · 16/05/2025 13:53

I think OP is making things much harder than they need be. 9years in and she is only just considering sound proofing. Minimal concern for neighbour and her family. Absolutely refusing to consider moving the child from adjacent room. And seeming to rank her need for double bed over neighbours need to sleep. How on earth does she expect the people who get up and go to work and pay their taxes to be kind and sympathetic those circumstances?

Well said. There is zero consideration for others.

thecatneuterer · 16/05/2025 13:55

SleeplessInWherever · 16/05/2025 13:51

I think ruined is a bold statement, to be honest. And I’m saying that from the perspective of someone who’s been awake at 1am. I would never say that that child is ruining my life.

Those properties aren’t available through social housing schemes, it’s like asking for the impossible unfortunately.

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I know it would ruin my life. Without enough sleep I can't function at all, and do genuinely feel suicidal. And that's without the worry of having children doing exams etc.

If it's your own family causing the issues I imagine it helps you to deal with it. But the neighbours have just had this intolerable situation dropped on them.

Original poster

YourMintReader · 16/05/2025 13:53

Mrsttcno1 · 16/05/2025 13:50

Okay so it’s just more okay for them to be uncomfortable than for you to be then? And what about the comment that they have saved and spent a fortune for their home, a lot harder and more expensive to sell & buy than for you to move.

Do you really want to live beside neighbours who will be on at you like this day in and day out? Letters from the council, calls from HA, because they won’t stop, I wouldn’t if I was absolutely exhausted every day either. If they can’t get you moved they’ll just make sure you really want to move, it’s not a nice situation either way.

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Okay, so nice where to, exactly? What is this mythical property you speak of? There is a housing crisis. Admittedly, it’s not so bad in this area - However, what you’re describing is beyond specific. How likely do you think it will be that it’s possible? Come on now, this is social housing.

And what about the comment of having to sell and move in their situation? What do you honestly want me to say?

OP posts:

Toolatetoasknow · 16/05/2025 13:53

I think OP is making things much harder than they need be. 9years in and she is only just considering sound proofing. Minimal concern for neighbour and her family. Absolutely refusing to consider moving the child from adjacent room. And seeming to rank her need for double bed over neighbours need to sleep. How on earth does she expect the people who get up and go to work and pay their taxes to be kind and sympathetic those circumstances?

TheHerboriste · 16/05/2025 13:52

Sleeping in a single bed is not a calamity.

mintandpistachio · 16/05/2025 13:51

YourMintReader · 16/05/2025 12:15

Not wanting to have carers sleep in your bed? of course not. But then make that bed the carer's bed.

So I have to have a single bed as my only space forever more then? After devoting all these years and many many more, I have to sleep in just a small single with nothing else to my name, and can’t have my own space because it is now the space of strange men I have no personal relationship? And my private items and all belongings will have to stay in that room with him too. Think about that.

tbf you have no idea of your neighbour's situation – she may be thinking 'So I have to wake up at 4.30am every morning forever more then. After devoting all these years to saving up to buy this home, I can't sleep past 4.30am and me and my children have to be sleep deprived.'

I have sympathy for you, but you don't seem to be open to any practical solutions that might help reduce the (significant) discomfort of your neighbours. It's not an ideal situation – and there isn't going to be an ideal solution. You will need to make compromises to be a good neighbour. Which many, many previous posters have suggested and you are just shooting everyone down.

SleeplessInWherever · 16/05/2025 13:51

thecatneuterer · 16/05/2025 13:49

I can't comment on how the OP feels about her life. It's her life and her son. But it's not the neighbours' life or son, and their life is being ruined.

I don't know what the answer is. But there must be a property somewhere that doesn't directly impact neighbours. As I said previously maybe something with a granny annexe of some sort as those don't generally have party walls with neighbours.

I don't know what the solution is. All I know is that, if I were the neighbour, I would do everything possible to get them moved away from me. It's possible to be sympathetic to their situation while simultainously prioritising your own family's welfare.

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I think ruined is a bold statement, to be honest. And I’m saying that from the perspective of someone who’s been awake at 1am. I would never say that that child is ruining my life.

Those properties aren’t available through social housing schemes, it’s like asking for the impossible unfortunately.

TheHerboriste · 16/05/2025 13:50

SleeplessInWherever · 16/05/2025 13:47

Personally, I do not want to move my disabled DSs out of the way.

He needs to be integrated into society, and learn to live within it as best he can, not be pushed out of it.

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No matter what the toll on others??

You can integrate someone into society by day without ruining others’ lives and health with round the clock chaos and screaming.

Mrsttcno1 · 16/05/2025 13:50

YourMintReader · 16/05/2025 13:46

I don’t think it’s ‘okay’.

And from what I’ve read up on, because this relates back to disability, it doesn’t matter how much evidence you get. It doesn’t appear you can force someone out because of this issue if it relates to disability

Move but where to? Again, same issue is likely to happen again surely… and in addition to that, you’re looking for a sparkly covered unicorn in house form. So never going to happen then, in reality

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Okay so it’s just more okay for them to be uncomfortable than for you to be then? And what about the comment that they have saved and spent a fortune for their home, a lot harder and more expensive to sell & buy than for you to move.

Do you really want to live beside neighbours who will be on at you like this day in and day out? Letters from the council, calls from HA, because they won’t stop, I wouldn’t if I was absolutely exhausted every day either. If they can’t get you moved they’ll just make sure you really want to move, it’s not a nice situation either way.

thecatneuterer · 16/05/2025 13:49

SleeplessInWherever · 16/05/2025 13:37

Are you saying that with any understanding that OP’s life is therefore also being “ruined” (as you put it)?

I never, ever understand this debate. She has said, she will look at sound proofing and other options like moving him downstairs (?!) aren’t workable.

Where would you like families with children like hers to live - the middle of nowhere? Outer space? Excluded out the way of people they can bother with his noise?

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I can't comment on how the OP feels about her life. It's her life and her son. But it's not the neighbours' life or son, and their life is being ruined.

I don't know what the answer is. But there must be a property somewhere that doesn't directly impact neighbours. As I said previously maybe something with a granny annexe of some sort as those don't generally have party walls with neighbours.

I don't know what the solution is. All I know is that, if I were the neighbour, I would do everything possible to get them moved away from me. It's possible to be sympathetic to their situation while simultainously prioritising your own family's welfare.

SleeplessInWherever · 16/05/2025 13:47

TheHerboriste · 16/05/2025 13:46

This is the risk people take when they choose to have children. I am childfree in large part because I wouldn’t cope with this sort of life. Being forced to live it anyway due to an out of control neighbour would be soul deadening.

Yes, there should be purpose built family residences where the noise and chaos would not carry to others’ homes. I would gladly pay a bit more in tax to fund public development of this sort of housing.

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Personally, I do not want to move my disabled DSs out of the way.

He needs to be integrated into society, and learn to live within it as best he can, not be pushed out of it.

Original poster

YourMintReader · 16/05/2025 13:46

Mrsttcno1 · 16/05/2025 13:44

Interesting, but you think it’s okay for your neighbour who has bought her home to just accept being woke up at 04:30 every single morning forever more?? Or that she should have to go through the extremely expensive process of selling her house, to get away?

I would move if I was you. I do understand you’re not in an easy spot but I would be livid if I was your neighbour, not only would it be impacting me but also my husband who needs his sleep for safety in work and my daughter who needs her sleep. My own family are my priority so I’d be on to the HA & council with every bit of evidence I can get- which would be easy given that I’d have nothing to do every day from 04:30 every day other than collate that evidence.

It would be worth getting on to see if there are any soundproofing options to see if that makes any difference

Show quote history

I don’t think it’s ‘okay’.

And from what I’ve read up on, because this relates back to disability, it doesn’t matter how much evidence you get. It doesn’t appear you can force someone out because of this issue if it relates to disability

Move but where to? Again, same issue is likely to happen again surely… and in addition to that, you’re looking for a sparkly covered unicorn in house form. So never going to happen then, in reality

OP posts:

TheHerboriste · 16/05/2025 13:46

SleeplessInWherever · 16/05/2025 13:37

Are you saying that with any understanding that OP’s life is therefore also being “ruined” (as you put it)?

I never, ever understand this debate. She has said, she will look at sound proofing and other options like moving him downstairs (?!) aren’t workable.

Where would you like families with children like hers to live - the middle of nowhere? Outer space? Excluded out the way of people they can bother with his noise?

Show quote history

This is the risk people take when they choose to have children. I am childfree in large part because I wouldn’t cope with this sort of life. Being forced to live it anyway due to an out of control neighbour would be soul deadening.

Yes, there should be purpose built family residences where the noise and chaos would not carry to others’ homes. I would gladly pay a bit more in tax to fund public development of this sort of housing.

Mrsttcno1 · 16/05/2025 13:44

YourMintReader · 16/05/2025 12:15

Not wanting to have carers sleep in your bed? of course not. But then make that bed the carer's bed.

So I have to have a single bed as my only space forever more then? After devoting all these years and many many more, I have to sleep in just a small single with nothing else to my name, and can’t have my own space because it is now the space of strange men I have no personal relationship? And my private items and all belongings will have to stay in that room with him too. Think about that.

Interesting, but you think it’s okay for your neighbour who has bought her home to just accept being woke up at 04:30 every single morning forever more?? Or that she should have to go through the extremely expensive process of selling her house, to get away?

I would move if I was you. I do understand you’re not in an easy spot but I would be livid if I was your neighbour, not only would it be impacting me but also my husband who needs his sleep for safety in work and my daughter who needs her sleep. My own family are my priority so I’d be on to the HA & council with every bit of evidence I can get- which would be easy given that I’d have nothing to do every day from 04:30 every day other than collate that evidence.

It would be worth getting on to see if there are any soundproofing options to see if that makes any difference

Toolatetoasknow · 16/05/2025 13:44

Todayisaday · 16/05/2025 11:28

Im sorry for this OP it sounds incredibly hard.
I am trying to imagine being woken up by a neighbour screaming at 4.30 every morning and I think this would drive me bonkers.
New builds have very this walls.
We had a new build and you can hear shouting and door slams for sure.
Are you sure you cant switch rooms with him and give him your room plus the box room for his stuff?

I think I would be looking to move if there are no other solutions to mocing his room to the outside or you will forever be dealing with an unhappy neighbour And stress of worrying about it.

You would be lucky to sell with the neighbours you have complained about still in situ.

SleeplessInWherever · 16/05/2025 13:37

thecatneuterer · 16/05/2025 13:31

Of course they disturb others! No it's not their fault but that doesn't change the fact that the neighbours are having their lives ruined.

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Are you saying that with any understanding that OP’s life is therefore also being “ruined” (as you put it)?

I never, ever understand this debate. She has said, she will look at sound proofing and other options like moving him downstairs (?!) aren’t workable.

Where would you like families with children like hers to live - the middle of nowhere? Outer space? Excluded out the way of people they can bother with his noise?

vintagecrow · 16/05/2025 13:36

Toolatetoasknow · 15/05/2025 20:37

You don't seem to understand that you are ruining their home, that they worked and saved for, also the education of their dcs who must be disturbed too.

Your son is not their problem. It's either tough for the two of you, or tough for a whole young family.

I think you should move. I really do. It's no ones fault, but either through harassment by your dc or exhaustion or just being half numb to what is going on, you seem to not realise what you are expecting people to deal with.

I agree. You are making their home impossible for them to live and sleep in.

TheHerboriste · 16/05/2025 13:33

thecatneuterer · 16/05/2025 13:31

Of course they disturb others! No it's not their fault but that doesn't change the fact that the neighbours are having their lives ruined.

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Exactly.

Regardless of the reason, excessive noise is unacceptable.