Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

Children do grow tbf 😂

They eventually become adults!

Exactly. It is the people causing the disruption who need to exert themselves to ameliorate it, not the innocent victims.

You are massively missing the point. The needs of the people whose lives are being made miserable by a random family they have nothing to do with are of course going to be prioritised. They are the ones who should not have to move (how could they sell anyway with such neighbour issues) or anything else, because none of this is any to do with them. This huge problem has just turned up on their doorstep.

"...For our benefit. I wouldn’t move him for someone else’s benefit...."

Jeez. What if it was your family that was unavoidably waking the neighbours every day at 4.30am & making their lives & new house hellish?

Would you move then??

For their benefit 🙄🙄🙄

P.s. you should get over your snobbery chip too, this is just a simple & very basic quality of life issue....

Because the OP has already stated that taking him downstairs will create more noise and activity and violence.

I don't know if you've ever had one of those mornings where you're so tired you find it really difficult to come around, but when you're consistently getting poor sleep it is like that every day. You physically can not force yourself into action. You aren't alert. You can't risk assess properly. You can't take your loud, energetic, boisterous child into a space where there are more risks to himself and others when you are chronically sleep deprived and your every single waking moment you're in fight or flight mode because you've got to always be ready to anticipate unpredictable behaviour.

I do feel sorry for the neighbours because it is clearly impacting them too but taking him downstairs is not a solution.

Going downstairs is a signal that the day is starting, and that means it's OK to start spinning and flapping and put the tv on and jump on sofas or go in the garden and play with toys that can be loud or hard that make noises when dropped or thrown, or go to the shops, and so many other things that cause noise, and when you can't go in the garden like you want to because its 4:30 in the morning, or you can't play with your toy that repeats loud repetitive sentences because it's 4:30 in the morning, or you can't have the tv on at the volume you want it because it's 4:30 in the morning or you can't go to the shop because it's closed because it's 4:30 in the morning then as a high needs autistic person with little to no concept of time that can be extremely upsetting and aggravating and you might just feel like the only thing you can do is yell and shout and throw things and hit and kick and bite and I can't see the NDN being happy if the walls were shaking with things hitting it or the screams were louder, or the OP raises her voice, or doors started being slammed, or things got broken either.

I've said in another post I don't think the NDN was wrong to complain, sometimes it's needed but she was wrong to create complete fabrications. It's disgusting, ableist, combative and ridiculous. There's no reason the neighbour couldn't have just talked to OP to try and find a solution. Maybe both houses need soundproofing. Maybe the neighbour doesn't understand the property layout constraints, so hasn't considered that she can also move furniture, maybe she hasn't tried earplugs out of sheer stubbornness and just wants to kick an isolated, depleted mum while she's already down because she's a bully and that's why she won't cooperate.

I’m not going to list the ways it’s difficult to move house with a disabled child, or taking autism into account. Whether you rent or own, it’s a different challenge.

We moved in February, and genuinely I wouldn’t consider it again unless completely necessary. For our benefit. I wouldn’t move him for someone else’s benefit.

The rent/buy debate is all the same as the people going on about tax earlier. It’s snobbery.

“You rent, I own, I’m more important.”
“My taxes pay for those who don’t work.”

Transparent snobbery, nothing more and nothing less.

I’m not going to list the ways it’s difficult to move house with a disabled child, or taking autism into account. Whether you rent or own, it’s a different challenge.

We moved in February, and genuinely I wouldn’t consider it again unless completely necessary. For our benefit. I wouldn’t move him for someone else’s benefit.

The rent/buy debate is all the same as the people going on about tax earlier. It’s snobbery.

“You rent, I own, I’m more important.”
“My taxes pay for those who don’t work.”

Transparent snobbery, nothing more and nothing less.

Then you would fully understand the attitude of everybody else prioritising the people inside their own houses and ensuring they did everything they could to have you moved, or make sure you wanted to move, if you were inconveniencing them. Because just like you, they want to do the best for the people in their own house, just like the neighbours do here :)

It makes an absolutely massive difference. We saved for a long time and went without to buy our home, we pay a lot of money for it and this is our space which we have worked very hard for, the bare minimum is being able to sleep in your own home.

Having bought our home also means we can’t easily, quickly or cheaply move. To sell our house, depending on where we are at in a mortgage deal at the time, we’d need to pay an estate agent, put it up for sale, book viewings, we’d then have to pay for searches, surveys on the new property, potentially on a couple of properties if the first showed issues, we’d have a % to pay to the lender for moving if within a fixed deal, we’d have to pay solicitors fees, stamp duty, as well as then the costs of moving in general. Add to that the fact the house would be incredibly difficult to sell now with the noise complaints and trying to find a buyer who doesn’t mind a 04:30 start every day.

I don’t doubt that parents of disabled children have less time to themselves, but that’s not the fault or problem of the neighbour who just wants to be able to get a full nights sleep in their own home.

Our neighbours aren’t complaining, but thank you for your concern.

Would I put myself or a disabled child in an unsuitable space for anyone’s benefit outside of this house? No. Take that how you will to be honest!

But that's not the neighbour's responsibility.

Everyone knows when they choose to procreate that there is a chance their child will have serious illness or disability. That's just an unfortunate fact. To some people, clearly it is worth the risk. I'm sure it's difficult if the abstract risk becomes concrete reality.

That doesn't mean that unrelated people who happen to live nearby need to have their lives completely upturned, too.

I’m not sure having bought your space makes it anymore or less annoying when you can’t sleep in it. Not really sure why it needs saying.

I would go so far to say that the parents of disabled children have significantly less space and time for themselves than those without. That’s not an especially bold statement, it’s just an unfortunate fact.

I’m not sure having bought your space makes it anymore or less annoying when you can’t sleep in it. Not really sure why it needs saying.

I would go so far to say that the parents of disabled children have significantly less space and time for themselves than those without. That’s not an especially bold statement, it’s just an unfortunate fact.

Even if it meant your neighbour and their kids had a better night's sleep??

Wow.

Interesting that you feel so strongly about your own peace & space, what about the neighbours who have bought this home for themselves and cannot even get a full night sleep, through no fault of their own and with no control? The neighbours are not in the wrong here.

There’s already quite a lot of “getting on with it.”

I can’t speak for OP but I personally view our space as ours, and would really struggle to give it up as we have so little left for ourselves.

At the end of a long day, with 3hrs sleep, your bedroom and it’s environment is very important to you.

I don’t know whether you realise how critical of the disabled your tone sounds.

However - my first priority is the child that lives in this house and what happens in these 4 walls. Show me someone who doesn’t prioritise their own family.

I personally think that society would be a far more pleasant place if it didn’t want to send disabled children to some sort of commune for the vulnerable, and were accepting of their needs. If at 4am the thought was about how he can’t help it, and it must be tough for the mum.

Like I said, that’s the more pleasant approach IMO. Far more pleasant than wanting to send him away somewhere.

There’s already quite a lot of “getting on with it.”

I can’t speak for OP but I personally view our space as ours, and would really struggle to give it up as we have so little left for ourselves.

At the end of a long day, with 3hrs sleep, your bedroom and it’s environment is very important to you.

But why??

The neighbour didn't sign up for this. They are living near a loud family by sheer happenstance. Because they randomly purchased property adjacent. Why should they revolve their lives around this family's needs and noise??

The default norm is "quiet enjoyment of one's home." The person(s) disrupting that peace are the ones in the wrong. Regardless of the source of the noise or the reason for it; that's irrelevant. And especially during hours that are customarily reserved for sleeping.

I'm sure it's challenging to have a child with these conditions. Many of us chose to not have children because we didn't want to risk such a situation. To have it forced upon one anyway is untenable.