Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

Although I symapthise with your sitation. I wouldnt cope being woken up at 4.30 every morning, espically if your neighbour works full time, she must be exhausted. She shouldnt of lied to the council, but she is probally at her wits end I would invest money and have your house sound prooved.

Looking after a disabled child is a whole different type of exhaustion.

Just as the neighbour is prioritising her family, that is what the OP is doing. I'd have some sympathy for the neighbour if she hadn't lied about a disabled child to the housing association.

Would it be possible to attach some soundproofing panels to the walls that are against her property? Might not look amazing but it could at least dampen the noise.
Obviously it's not your child's fault that the noise is happening and some grace and compassion would be appreciated, but I genuinely can't say I'd be able to cope with the level and time of noise you're describing as a neighbour either. It's a difficult situation.

Nope - I have lived in tenement (1905) the problem neighbour was two floors above me I still heard it. And I also heard the people who lived next door.
Current property is 1850 terraced - the noise between neighbours is enough to make us make an extra special effort to be quiet, turn the tv/music down. One neighbour sings in a choir - dd hears that a lot in her room, on the other side we hear hoovering and arguing - the arguing is regular and unpleasant (for everyone I'm sure - they wait till their kids go to school though and we're always up by then)

They’re not complaining but I’m assuming they can hear him, they’re not deaf.

They just likely don’t share the same approach or attitude to it as OP’s NDN.

It’s extremely life limiting, but you get used to that limitation and make adjustments.

I don’t go food shopping, I order it online.

I do housework when I have the energy and anything that can wait, does.

My family live 150 miles away. I haven’t been up for a month because the 3hr drive wouldn’t be doable.

We are fortunate that grandparents do school pick up and an hour or so after school. One of us will have to reduce hours when this isn’t the case.

Some don’t work, we manage to. I’m fortunate to be 10 years into a management career, and have a very flexible employer. Others aren’t as fortunate.

It is horrendous, but it’s a horrendous you get on with, because there’s no cure for sleep issues and what other option is there.

Our neighbours aren't complaining -

Well then this whole situation is not comparable to your situation then is it 🙄

How have you managed on 3-5hrs sleep a night for years? Are you confident driving? How long did it take to get used to it?
It sounds horrendous

Entitled ones ! Ha ha ha !

When you had that insomnia did anyone want a lasagne at 2am, or to go to the park at 3, sandwiches at midnight, tickled by 4?

No. I’m assuming not.

With respect, we’re talking about different tired.

I’ve suffered insomnia. I barely functioned. If the OP was really suffering from exhaustion herself, she wouldn’t want to inflict that upon someone else. The sheer thought of doing that to someone would horrify me. Sleeping in a single bed is not substandard living, nor is it as hellish as she is making out. I’ve not heard the OP offer up any form of a solution, which says a lot.

I’ll spare you the sleep diary, but we average 3-5hrs. Melatonin is sometimes effective, often not.

The wake up, at least initially, is loud. We have reached a point where we can get that volume down, but it takes about 30mins. Any neighbour could then reasonably be back asleep. We can’t because he needs supervision, but it would be quiet enough.

We both work FT, no afternoon napping going on here. I fully understand the tortured neighbour’s day at work - it was my day today, and yesterday, etc etc.

OP’s situation is different to ours, and in many ways sounds harder.

Those who haven’t lived it, don’t have to be sympathetic if they’re genuinely unable to for some reason, but their criticism and judgement isn’t welcome either.

Try it for a year and then come back and tell us all how well you’re doing.

When you have a disabled child, it is very common to live on very little sleep. My child has different needs to OP's child and sleep is still incredibly limited because he needs care during the night.

One what ? A parent of a severely disabled child doing their best to survive?
I am also one. Are we some kind of sub species in your eyes ?

Some people say they live on three hours sleep. Sleepless in Seattle and all over. However. The reality will be. They don’t. It’s like those who say they hardly eat but weigh 20 stone. The neighbour is being tortured and lack of sleep is the best form. Whilst the OP will get up early but isn’t at work during the day, so while her child is at school is getting some lovely afternoon naps. As the tortured neighbour is struggling to get through their day

Children can also suddenly become disabled at any age which some pp's with children should keep in mind. My son was healthy for 8 years, now he is disabled.

Any parent is an accident or illness away from having a disabled child.

of course

But it's not wrong not to accept negative impact on others, even if it's not malicious.

My hope has always been that the compassion you’ve just described, extended to day and nighttime, and wasn’t location specific.

I can acknowledge that it doesn’t for some, and I think that’s a shame.

That’s the thing isn’t it. So your child’s meltdown outside a pool must of been hard on you both. Everyone else could leave. If I was in Sainsbury’s and couple cope with a loud meltdown I’d leave and shop elsewhere or go back another time.

When it’s your own home you can’t just leave though I bet the neighbour wishes they could. 6 weeks of the neighbours child waking you at 4/4:30am every day ontop of the day time stimming the neighbour must dread going home.

Obviously it’s worse for the op actually living it but as that poster says she loves her child that’s the thing that pushes you to be able to cope. While to the neighbour it’s just a strangers child making their live hell.

Well thank goodness yours weren’t born disabled, if you have any.

I don’t care about what it’s like for someone else, children are a choice it’s not a choice however to have to be negatively impacted by other people’s kids regardless of the reason, it’s your problem to sort. My opinions are shared by many except those whose choices are affecting others..the entitled ones

OP has said she can’t move his bedroom. The room he’s in upstairs in the only one his equipment fits in. He can’t be downstairs unattended if he’s able to escape that space, it’s not safe.

That’s been covered at length.

Sound proofing is being looked at. I don’t believe children should be kept under lock and key, certainly not during normal daylight hours. We wouldn’t use the garden at 10pm, but keeping him in at 10am is too far IMO.

That’s harsh, but honest. So fair enough.

We had an hour’s worth of meltdown outside of swimming on Saturday morning, huge audience and lots of passers by.

Do you feel the same way when you’re exposed to it anywhere?

I’m sorry, Bit I don’t think someone and their children who are being woken up
at 4:30 every morning and disturbed all through the evening are being unreasonable in expecting this to not happen. This we will be having an immense impact on them, mentally, physically snd most likely financially re the mothers ability to do her job etc.

Something needs to be done here, the only person who can do anything is the OP. Sound proofing, not using the garden so much, moving the child’s bedroom etc.

Perfect solution then :)