Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

I don't want ugly egg cartons on my wall. Better yet, maybe both sides could be sound proofed? Before I paid out for that, I'd want to be sure it would work.

There's not much I can't sleep through these days so it might not be a problem for me, and you're right, the neighbour can only control their environment. If I couldn't sleep through as the neighbour, I'd set about controlling my environment and if it negatively impacts OP? Not my problem. My problem is resolving the sleep issues.

I'd probably be more co-operative if OP showed genuine goodwill by offering to pay for my sound proofing, but I doubt she could afford to do that anyway.

The neighbour would have to be open to communication to trial it.

I used to be a "need complete silence" to fall asleep type until my autistic son came along and now I have to have a tv programme on or something and it does help and isn't loud enough to wake other family members or neighbours. It definitely took an adjustment period.

And you're right I can't assume that the neighbour or OP have the funds to purchase soundproofing but I was just stating objectively that by the laws of physics, many soundproofers would advise at the very least soundproofing would work best on the receiving side, so if money were to be spent soundproofing, the receiving side would be the best place for it to be applied.

A lot of people seem to be saying that this isn't the neighbours problem to solve, but I disagree and think the only way this can be solved is with cooperation.

Nobody has the right to live in a disability free zone and we're all obligated to tolerate some level of disability related noise and behaviour, but in this instance the neighbour can only control her environment and the OP soundproofing hers and spending thousands on it might not actually make much difference.

There are cheap short term solutions to soundproofing. Egg cartons on walls, duvets or rugs on walls, even ikea sold acoustic panels last time I went, as well as putting wardrobes or heavy furniture against that wall, sealing gaps by the skirting boards, as well as playing your own noise with soundproofing measures because of how sound travels to negate the noise coming from an adjacent property.

These are all things that if the neighbour would just be willing to open a dialogue about, could be reasonably discussed.

So sorry OP some people have not understanding of your situation.

Aww OP i feel for you. There are no winners here and few solutions. I suppose you could use the neighbour complaints to strengthen your position for a detached house on the tiny miniscule chance you are offered one.

Other than the sound proofing there's nothing else to be done really. You might not be the neighbour's problem but equally she's not yours 🤷‍♀️.

Could he be placated with some peppa pig?

One thing to consider re the neighbours report of swearing is that people often misremember details. If she felt stressed it could have stimulated a flight or fight response, often at such times your reasoning brain can switch off so the whole thing becomes an overall impression, after the event your mind can fill in the details so the situation makes sense. This might inc adding in the swearing as this fitted the picture. It is very possible the neighbour does remember the child swearing even though they weren’t

Some of us do have disabled children and understand how challenging this is for OP, but can also see the neighbour's position.

Your DS can't help being disabled and l am sure that you are doing your very best. It's probably difficult for your neighbour but perhaps
the HA could sound proof the wall adjacent to next door, moving you is not the solution as you will get the same problem in a new place.
People who don't have a disabled child can't understand the pressure you are under and wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

Yes, the lies isn't fair. You can't assume OP's neighbours can afford sound proofing though. Putting on music is cheaper.

Maybe OP would prefer the neighbours to play some music but what if it negatively affects her son? I'm usually very supportive and helpful but make me chronically sleep deprived and I'd probably be in a 'not my problem' space. Sleep deprivation does things to people.

The neighbour could install soundproofing in their home.

A lot of acoustics specialists will actually say that preventing sound works best when soundproofing is done on the receiving property which is why in my earlier posts I suggested that perhaps soundproofing should be done in both properties.

But I'm sure the OP would rather them play some music or white noise or whatever helps them than spreading lies to her landlord for sure.

OP probably doesn't really have any energy left to focus on anything but the necessary. Of course that's not the neighbour's issue. Which is why social housing needs to find OP more appropriate housing. Not just for the neighbour's but for OP's sake, because living next to annoyed neighbour's isn't going to help her. It just adds another burden and things to deal with.

But that puts the neighbours in the position where they have to find a way that works for them, and how it impacts OP isn't going to be their concern. They're just doing what they need to for coping.

If I can't sleep through OP's son and it's not a temporary issue, I know I can sleep through music, so I'd be playing music from 4.30am every morning (not obnoxiously, just loud enough). Probably classical music at that time of day. Who knows, maybe OP's son would find it soothing even?

You knew these houses were new builds and therefore the walls would be paper thin, you have created this issue.

Ah yes, this comment demonstrates the deep sympathy you have for the OP.

Ours had a meltdown once because the sun was “on.” If anyone has a solution - all ears.

Last time I was bitten, I wouldn’t let him eat bird shit.

The time before that he wasn’t allowed to put his hand in a blender in Starbucks.

Today, he just repeatedly greeted us for half an hour. Come and say “Hi” to him people, please. 😂

I think some posters on mumsnet would rather us take our autistic kids to the vet and have them put down or restrained in a straight jacket and ballgag.

There's a lot of yes your child can't help it but that doesn't mean they should do those things they can't help doing. Use your paltry carers allowance to rent a mansion in a field and give everyone a 5 mile berth or bring back institutionalisation type comments just written in a different font.

OP, I think you're being given a horrendously hard time here. You're clearly a great mum who does everything she can for her child. Yes, it's hard with the screaming and I do understand where the neighbour is coming from but you have to put your child first. And also people saying you're not willing to try and change things and yet you're on here asking for suggestions to do exactly that. Stay strong.

But you surely have to see it from your neighbour’s point of view! How can she be expected to function normally after being woken up at 4:30 day after day? I don’t know what the answer is for you because you didn’t ask to have an autistic child, but you can’t ignore the impact it has on the people around you.

Exactly.

If your child is disabled, you just have to get on with it.

I have an autistic severely disabled child who makes a lot of noise and I worry constantly about disturbing the neighbours. I think investing in sound proofing might be helpful? Some of the comments on this thread are astounding.. people have no clue. Also those claiming they are 'autistic' as if their condition is comparable to OP's child is also insulting frankly. This thread has been a sad reminder of the ignorance, judgement and lack of empathy we face raising a disabled child.

A disabled child is the sort of noise, that whilst not ideal, you need dto find ways to cope with yourself. Same as baby and toddler noise. Same as the noise from a neighbour with dementia. You choose human compassion and get some earplugs and play white noise.

This isn't people putting on music late at night, or having sudden bursts of DIY.

This is someone who cannot understand and cannot moderate their noise.

This thread won’t serve you OP. It’s only going to make you feel bad. You’ve been dealt a really hard hand and it’s not going to get better. The neighbor has a right to be cross, sure. She got two health children and should thank her stars. You’ve requested sound proofing and there’s nothing more to be done.

Well you could if you had to. Some of us didn't get a choice.

Not being unpleasant at all, my sympathies lie with both parties. Would you be happy to be woken by the neighbours screaming every morning at 04:30 ? I bet you wouldn't.

My impression from all of the OP's posts is that maybe she is no longer really coping. What she describes sounds dreadful for her including, if I've understood correctly, being physically hurt by her son. (Obviously not his fault). If that point hasn't been reached it may soon be coming. He will get bigger, heavier and stronger. I doubt puberty hormones will be helpful.
Maybe the house isn't suitable, not because of details of layout, but just because living at home is no longer suitable.

I hope the OP finds a solution for her child and herself. I fear rearranging rooms and soundproofing won't be it.

Oh come on!! This isn't the sort of neighbour noise anyone would expect. Not being able to sleep later than 4am every single day isn't exactly on a par with neighbours having the occasional party or row or having children that play noisily in hot weather. That's the stuff you should expect. Never being able to have a night's sleep doesn't come under the umbrella of things to expect or put up is in high residential areas.

I think, looking at the previous posts, people would have you give up your personal space so that a carer can sleep in it a couple of times a week/whenever you’re able to access those 12hrs of support.

Which to be clear, is ridiculous and solves nothing.

Or they live in a Tardis and think your son’s specialist equipment should just… fit everywhere.