Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

Nah its ok, I own my house so too much hassle to move.
My neighbours are my friends and have more empathy then the OPs toss pot of a neighbour.

The point is “further inconvenience.” It’s my assumption that OP already faces inconvenience, if we’re putting it that way.

You’re asking a woman who has already explained her exhaustion, the behaviours she faces, the energy she needs to care for her vulnerable son that she often doesn’t have - to give up one of the only things she has for herself.

You’re not even asking her to swap bedrooms, you know that’s not possible. You want her to use the box room and then make her own comfortable space into some sort of holding pen for an hour or so a day.

If you can’t see how hard that would be for someone, that’s your lack of compassion to her difficulties.

Disability isn’t a free pass to do whatever one pleases no matter how antisocial.

Perhaps a residential situation with coaching and treatment from actual experts would help this person learn to cope in ways that don’t impinge on others, so they could return to family & neighbourhood life.

don't back down, I am replying to posters stating that it's not a problem, that it's an attack against disabled people and that neighbours should suck it up or that it's up to them to find a solution on their side.

The point is that there is a problem and a solution needs to be found.

Suggestions based on what the posters know are in the thread, some possibly for the short term to try to lower the noise.

Read some of the comments above, it's nearly turning into the issue being the neighbours' fault!

Help me out here.

What immediate solution do you think is available? Without saying it’s not the NDN problem, not her solution to find.

What quick fix is being missed?

As I’ve said previously. If there was a quick fix to sleep issues, or the noise that it can cause, believe me - I’d have gone to the ends of the earth to find it, and so would most others who live with it.

Nobody here hates sleep and likes a load of midnight racket, if you have the cure - do share 😂.

What kind of life does that child have now? Pretty dismal, from the sound of it.

There ARE therapies that could help him cope; a residential school with trained experts is hardly the same as “shutting them away in an institution” of 100 years ago.

Ah yes let's institutionalise them until they can be more neurotypical.

Or would you rather we just lobotomised them instead? It's faster.

the problem is not other peoples children, the problem is the noise.

Stop being disingenuous, it's not an attack against disabled kids, it's the right need and wish to be able to sleep at night.

A long-term plan is not enough, the neighbour can rightly ask for an urgent resolution.

Ah yes, disabled people making other lives miserable. Lock em up and throw away the key ey.

It would be really lovely if we could stop referring to other peoples children as “problems.”

That poster was suggesting that if a child is causing others a disturbance than sending them away is a viable option. That’s a ridiculous idea.

OP has said what she’s willing and able to do to resolve her NDN’s issues, and has said she’ll speak to relevant professionals about that.

Those who are still finding ways to dig at her, when she’s said she plans to take action and speak to her children’s professionals, may as well just say they don’t like disabled kids.

They’ve had their answer, and been told what OPs plans are, so at this point it’s just hysteric nonsense.

Disability isn’t a free pass to do whatever one pleases no matter how antisocial.

Perhaps a residential situation with coaching and treatment from actual experts would help this person learn to cope in ways that don’t impinge on others, so they could return to family & neighbourhood life.

Disability isn’t a free pass to do whatever one pleases no matter how antisocial.

Perhaps a residential situation with coaching and treatment from actual experts would help this person learn to cope in ways that don’t impinge on others, so they could return to family & neighbourhood life.

Ah yes, disabled people making other lives miserable. Lock em up and throw away the key ey.

But she is free to make others’ lives miserable?

I have been in a similar position to the neighbour and it can be life destroying. I’m sorry the OP is struggling but unless you’ve been in the neighbours position you can’t judge their response. At times it made me feel suicidal. Sleep deprivation has long been used as a mechanism of torture for a reason. The OPs child goes to school several hours a day she can get rest then. If the neighbour is at work she can’t, then comes home and it’s hours of screaming and shouting in the garden, then the stress of going to sleep knowing you’ll be woken at 4:30 to begin again.

We appreciate it’s difficult for all concerned, but people have a right to peaceful enjoyment of their property, a right to be able to get a proper nights sleep. The op needs to speak with her support team and find a solution. This might include moving to a house with a different layout where her child’s room is not adjoining the neighbours or with better sound proofing and the adjoining rooms could have sound proofing added or there is a non- adjoining extension to use as a bedroom. This house is clearly never going to work and the stress of living there will not help the OP.

But it’s not ok to dismiss the needs of others because the OP is in a trying situation. What if the neighbour has PTSD and needs quiet, what if they have a condition made even worse through lack of sleep.

Everyone expects some noise in a semi detached, I was woken last night by the neighbours toddler crying a screaming but it’s a rare occurrence (might be feeling a bit under the weather) - no problem, but, from my experience the neighbour will be living in a constant state of fight or flight, constant cortisol going through their body. Never getting a chance to rest. That amount of constant stress will be having significant impact on their physical and mental wellbeing.

But she is free to make others’ lives miserable?

You cannot tell a parent to put their child in residential services, away from their family, because you find them inconvenient.

That is not up to you (or anyone else) and is a step too far.

of course you can't. You can however tell them to find a solution, any solution that suits them, to stop 4.30am screaming waking up the entire neighbours' house.

It's beyond "inconvenient" at this stage.

It's not the same, but I remember from my NCT friends who lived in flats, naturally taking crying baby in living rooms or other side of the flats, trying not to wake up neighbours for no reason. You can't stop a baby from crying, but you try to minimise the disturbance for everyone else. Also a baby is a temporary problem.

You cannot tell a parent to put their child in residential services, away from their family, because you find them inconvenient.

That is not up to you (or anyone else) and is a step too far.

@YourMintReader I haven’t seen you answer the question about why you moved house. You said it was a house swap, and your previous neighbours had no problems with your son - so is it really not an option to swap back? That would surely be the best option.

If not I still think you should consider bringing your son into your bedroom when he wakes so he’s away from the adjoining wall. You’ve addressed all the things you can’t do or that wouldn’t work (moving his bedroom, taking him downstairs when he wakes) but there are some other things you just don’t want to do because they further inconvenience you - moving yourself into the box room to make the second bedroom a viable space for your son to use when he wakes, and using the bed in here for the overnight carer for example.

This is why some people are calling you entitled. I have every sympathy - your life sounds desperately hard and I can completely understand your unwillingness to give up a very small piece of comfort for yourself to make life easier for your neighbours. But by doing so, you are choosing to prioritise your comfort over theirs, and it means you’re not doing absolutely everything you conceivably could to minimise the disruption your family is having on theirs.

Sometimes what we “want” isn’t realistic, especially if it involves making other people’s lives miserable.

I also need to just add that I’ve taken in multiple parcels for her whilst she’s been out/work. And they’re always, always collected by her eldest, never her

It appears she is happy for me to take in her things (prior to the latest complaint), since I have a clear memory of her not so long ago asking the delivery guy to knock for next door! Ring door bell