Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

Presumably though you don’t expect your neighbour to have to put up with any continual disturbances & you’ve made the necessary efforts & changes in your home to mitigate it.

My DS is non verbal & makes loud vocal stims, he’s had years of various interventions & nothing has stopped this behaviour - the fact you are able to write out a coherent response here is indicative that there exist very differing support needs

The examples you give are in no way near comparable & yes we absolutely are entitled to a pain free life.

Yes because that is life. Life is not fair, to anyone.
In the grand scheme of things, it's just one of those situations which happens to you, like a neighbour that builds a basement that collapses part of your property, a motorway being built at the bottom of your garden, Japanese knotweed growing in your garden or flammable cladding cutting the value of your flat in half.

It's a pain don't get me wrong - but it's life. None of us are entitled to a pain free life.

Is it unsuitable because it doesn’t meet her son’s needs, or because it doesn’t meet the neighbours?

Those involved with housing them would likely look at suitability from the perspective of their family, that’s who they’re housing.

Is it big enough, does his equipment fit in it, is there enough outdoor space, can he be kept safe in it.

As houses by default don’t usually come detached and positioned in the middle or nowhere, soundproofed and with specific party wall layouts - that probably won’t have come into it.

OP’s responsibility was to house her family, and HA properties aren’t some sort of pick and mix shop. If it was the right size, and had the relevant amount of space etc, neighbours probably didn’t come into it.

The house is suitable - for them. It’s not suitable for the neighbours, and steps can be taken to mitigate that. But it does meet her son’s needs.

Hi OP, I think some of the posters have been brutal and unfair. Yes the neighbours don’t deserve to be woken at 4:30 am but neither do you, but you have done this everyday of of your child’s life you mentioned earlier you get by on only a few hours sleep.
All humans need a reasonable amount of sleep to survive…but not mums of children with disabilities
You mentioned your child regularly assaults you. All humans should not be assaulted….but that does not apply for mums of children with disabilities
You mentioned you have a room with a mattress to address your pain and keep your belongings…..on this thread it is outrageous for a mum with a severely disabled child to have any comforts

Ask the OT for soundproofing and keep asking but that is enough. You are superhuman I could not do what you are doing and I suspect most of the posters could not either

I agree that residential care may be required if OP is being physically abused to this extent, and the neighbours suffering sleep deprivation. When he hits the growth and strength bursts of puberty and is still biting and hitting, it’s not viable for OP to care for him alone. It will be too dangerous.

I highly doubt it. I think you'll be lucky if they covered it for OP.

I think a disability type grant from various charities may be able to cover OP's but they likely wouldn't cover it for the neighbour as well.

Back in the '70s, my parents moved into a new council estate.

Our semi-detached house was unproblematic, but the people in a terraced street at right angles to us had a problem with the paper thin walls. People sorted out their own soundproofing...with egg boxes. (Rather flammable I should imagine!) I don't know what they put on top of the egg boxes for a smooth surface, but apparently it really did work.

I'm hoping that the Housing Association would be prepared to provide soundproofing on the OP's side of the party wall, given her circumstances. The neighbour could soundproof her side then, if necessary.

ETA Other posters have rightly mentioned the problem of the cost. I'm wondering whether the HA would be prepared to cover it for the neighbour?

Exactly.

The ndn shouldn’t have to do anything that will cost them money

I suspect that each house needs to be soundproofed - either side of the party wall.

OP is always going to have incredibly limited housing choices since it's Housing Association.

@YourMintReader

I would stay where you are if she is the only down point. I have a noisy autistic 4 year old next to me. My own autistic teen gets bothered by the noise but we find workarounds and ways to cope , which we always do in ND families, including moving my teen to the room further away from the little one's, the couple living the other side of me with adult son were also very kind to us when my son was very noisy as a small child. We live in fairly new houses with cardboard walls

The OP should have thought about where she was moving to but in her defence she is willing to make appropriate changes to her living arrangements

The original neighbour is supposed to spend thousands on moving fees, estate agent fees, mortgage redemption fees possible loss on house value stamp duty? Just because they expect the reasonable enjoyment of their house? Surely the issue is that the Op have moved into an unsuitable property

Yes, my neighbour's created an issue (teenage noise, they can help it, so a different situation, but same kind of approach - manage it from my end). I'm managing it very successfully from my end. Guess whose unhappy now? They don't like how I handle it as they find it imposes on them. My response to them was basically, "boo hoo." I don't have to manage it so much now. It's amazing how people can find solutions to the apparently unsolvable when they're the ones inconvenienced.

Some of these posts are ridiculous. How many of you would be happy to suddenly be woken at 4.30am every morning and on top of that be told that you need to spend thousands on sound proofing. It’s just not reality! I have a disabled son and it’s hard, and it feels very unfair but he’s MY son and I wouldn’t expect anyone else to suffer. The neighbour isn’t at fault and no 4.30am absolutely isn’t acceptable and expecting soundproofing at the neighbours expense also isn’t an acceptable expectation. The council need to provide suitable accommodations. You have my every sympathy OP and yes I do know how you feel but you need to take every step to make sure the neighbours aren’t suffering and if that means changing bedrooms then so be it.

Totally get you having been there. Even on the rare occasions there isn’t noise your on the edge waiting for it. It’s life destroying

Actually o am very responsible for my mental health but sometimes it’s impossible to do enough. The Person creating the issue or their parent is responsible for not creating a situation where a person, through no fault of their own is left suicidal in their own home.

if a person is creating a situation that makes it impossible for people to live in, the person responsible for that situation needs to alter their behaviour. End of. You don’t appear to understand the situation (and that’s me being charitable)

How awful. How long did it go on for? And how was it resolved?

Sorry that women is not being unreasonable.

I was the neighbour in this situation and honestly it nearly gave me a mental breakdown.

Theres something about being forced to live with unreasonable noise that turns you crazy. You can’t control it, can’t relax, can’t enjoy your own home. I became obsessed by it to the point I couldn’t be in my own house which I had put my life savings into. It made me physically and mentally ill and I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been through it understands. There’s a reason noise and sleep depravation are used in torture.

I was sorry for the person struggling but you can’t expect someone to care when you’re pretty much taking away someone’s home from under them. It’s a shame you moved from the original house where it wasn’t an issue really.

Does Your son’s father ever have him to give you (and your neighbours) a break?
Can you just not go back to sleep when your son goes to school?

I know you have said you cannot move rooms but is there anyway you could move walls around so that your child still has the largest room but it was away from the neighbour? Could you do this in conjunction with sound proofing?