Loud DC and unhappy neighbour. Would you move?

Would I move yes, I’d certainly try my best to. Sounds like you don’t necessarily need a detached place but you do need somewhere where the room for your DC could be as far as possible away from any neighbours. Only you know what that might look like (maybe ground floor extension with mostly external walls, or somewhere where the bedrooms could be downstairs with a bit of re jigging?). But I would certainly be exploring this before spending any more money on modifying your current home.

Sorry, but hours of solidly kicking a ball against my fence, is not acceptable. Just as OP's neighbour's needs are not her problem, my neighbour's needs are not my problem. It works both ways. He still kicks the ball, just for short bursts. I accept that. Or they send him to the park.

My needs matter, my family's needs matter. If you disregard my needs, why should I consider yours? There's a disabled person in this house too. Two actually.

I didn't wake his parents up or interfere with their work, just carried out normal activities in normal hours. If they woke up or it meant they had to delay a Zoom, in their words, "Can't be helped."

Actually, it’s not recommended wearing earplugs every night - some people can’t wear them. What if her own kids wake up and need her?

Actually the trouble is, by being kind to the OP you are advocating for the continued pain and misery for another family, pain and misery that is so bad myself and I think at least 2 other poster have experienced to such and extent it’s made them suicidal, if you were being kind to them you’d tell the OP it was best if she moved and needed to make sure that her neighbours weren’t impacted. The trouble with #bekind is that it nearly always impacts someone else to their detriment

There’s no solution that involves the child always being quiet, and I don’t believe moving him is the answer.

Soundproofing, regulatory activities, things in that house that can have an impact - maybe will help. OP has said she’ll speak to her professionals for support - is that not enough?

Wearing earplugs to get some 4am sleep really isn’t a hardship.

Okay.

Because a child who you have described as having difficulties of their own was kicking a ball, you woke his parents up until they kept him in the house or took his preferred activity away. I assume that’s what they did anyway.

Understood.

It sounds like there’s no solution though as you repeatedly say there’s nothing you can do?

So the NDN moves, wears constant earplugs or gets over it? Is there a solution that does not involve the neighbour solving the problem that is not of her own making?

I’m just thinking about how housing projects that try to group people with similar social needs together have gone in the past. There’s a reason why council houses now tend to be scattered among houses for sale/rent on the general market, rather than all grouped together on one estate. Historically, while the initial impact can be very positive, lack of ongoing investment coupled with ongoing social and socioeconomic difficulties for the people housed this way has led to issues. Things like schools getting a reputation as rough, leading to families who care about education trying to get their kids into schools out of that area, which then compounds the social disparities and widens the gap between areas deemed nice and areas deemed rough.
I do think your idea of better thought out housing specifically reserved for families with disabled family members is great. Even the idea of proximity to suitable schools is good. It’s just the idea of a whole village designed that way has the potential to go quite badly wrong with time and lack of ongoing financial support.

It’s no fun though if you live next door to the dc though.

It’s not that anyone doesn’t recognise that it’s difficult.

It’s that I am genuinely unable to shut this kid up the second he starts making noise, do not want to live in a commune for the disabled, and don’t think making a child move house for your comfort is a reasonable response.

As I’ve said multiple times, they need to work together civilly to reach a solution. I don’t believe that solution should involve uprooting OPs disabled child.

This is the situation exactly. If it were possible to make things quieter for the neighbour, OP would do it and IS going to look into sound proofing. Let's hope that works!

Other than that, this thread has been full of completely impossible and illogical suggestions, and when it's pointed out that OP doesn't have a spare detached house she can pull out of her arse, or the ability to rebuild rooms onto the other side of the house, or the ability to make her child less disabled and therefore quieter... people refuse to believe it.

Whenever the impossible is pointed out, people don't use this to reassess suggestions into something more possible, they panic and go into a full on flounce. The very idea that someone could be in a position that is actually this difficult to solve has given people a full on conniption.

No, just started giving as much consideration as they were giving. I used to respect their work from home times. Husband is a shift worker and I used to respect that they had to sleep in later.

Working from home trying to do Zooms? Not my problem. I need to use the leaf blower. Only time I can do it, can't be helped. Husband sleeping in after a shift? Sorry, don't have time later, have to mow at 11am on Saturday.

That's where you're mistaken though, because they could have just as much interaction with the community as now. I get in my car and take my disabled child places. That would be no different if I was housed in a community of people with similar needs. The big advantage I see is being in a community of other parents who understand my own struggles. For my child (who isn't going to qualify as the needs aren't high enough), a community to potentially connect with around them of people they can relate to. They aren't getting that so easily now.

It doesn't even have to be grouped together like that though. They can be individual free standing properties with some distance from boundaries.

“Compassion” doesn’t cut it when the neighbour loses her job due to sleep deprivation, when her kids fail their teen exams, when they’re on the edge of a mental breakdown due to noise, when they can never sell and move somewhere else because no
one wants to buy … where’s your compassion for them? As I said, appears it only goes one way and everyone else has to suck it up because of your choices. And you can’t even see it.

Did you pop the ball?

Did you miss that apparently it 'couldn't be helped'? The child has their own issues. Ah well, handled on my end.

You know where the word ´ghetto’ comes from right? - A time and place in history where some people were all forced to live in the same fenced in section of a city because they were considered lesser.
I think the idea of building subsidized housing for families with needs like OP’s family is excellent. I don’t think it would be good for that housing situation to all be grouped together in an artificially constructed village with little possibility of interaction with the wider community.

The annoyance is most definitely not the same as it’s something that can be helped vs something that cannot

Nothing wrong with being kind, not sure if you meant that offensively but I’m not offended.

And I would - but I don’t want to move a disabled child out of his home. Weird that!

We’ve had that already on this thread, I thought it had gone.

Of course not, unless you're suggesting that people with disabilities are ghetto type citizens? We're talking about ordinary families with a disabled child who has special housing needs and providing that.

I'd not qualify with my disabled child, but I can see advantages if we did.

Ok Mrs #bekind, you move next door to OP then and your households can keep each other awake. FFS.

Oh wonderful! A disabled ghetto.

Or construct some state owned villages where suitable sound-proofed homes exist that can be used by families with these needs? The advantage might be also that you can have better delivery of services in a focused area and maybe better support networks of people in similar situations in the local area. It's a big ask and has heavy set up costs, but longer term, worth it.

@PawsAndTails honestly, the amount it costs for residential care, families should be given money to afford detached properties or something. There must be a better way as a society. I know it's dreamland probably in this world of ours, but I wish it were so.