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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU? 50:50 split

38 replies

Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 15:05

Just wondering if anyone can offer a new perspective or advice on this financial/relationship issue. For the last eight years I have worked part time and put all of my income into our joint account for mortgage, bills, childcare etc. In that time we had our DC so I’ve had two years of mat leave (not on full pay and with the last two
months unpaid). I am also the co-director of a company with him. He is self-employed.

Until my new job, DH would put money into the joint account, plus would pay the same amount to me from our business, straight into the joint account. So - three payments into the joint account each month - one from me and two from him. This has paid all bills etc but with little left over so we have used his credit card for incidentals, petrol and food shopping when needed. He gave me his credit card so I had it when out with the DC if we needed anything. I have now returned it to him as he kept saying that if I was a man and he was a woman it would be financial abuse.

I am now working full-time and have pretty much doubled my salary. My first pay will be at the end of this month.I will no longer be paid any money from the business.

DH has said that I am to put all of my income into the joint account and he will now pay £1000 into the account a month which is about £400 less than he was doing previously. We both have credit cards to pay off each totalling around £6000 each. I am also getting a golden handshake of £3000 for my new job which he has insisted goes on his credit card.

I suppose my issue is this I have worked over the last eight years, albeit with two years off for maternity leave which was paid in part by my employer. I just can’t shake the feeling that my husband could actually put more into the joint account each month so that we could pay 50-50, like we did pre-kids. I feel in a way like he is so annoyed he has had to support us financially that now it’s solely on my head.

He has said he can’t pay himself any more from the business because he doesn’t want to be taxed and that instead he will pay himself a dividend or two throughout the year, which he will give me some of to make it a little bit more equal.

Does this sound right? I just feel like I also have debts to pay off and I was really hoping to do that with the golden handshake money. I also need to buy a cheap car for my new job.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Bustabloodvessel · 15/05/2025 21:02

Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 20:04

I’ve always paid for my credit cards from my income from work.

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Sorry I meant shouldn’t

Coconutter24 · 15/05/2025 20:37

Fruitbat99 · 15/05/2025 20:10

More than minimum wage? He's not even paying that! He's making 4k and is expecting you to pay off his credit card?

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Making 4k and having 4k a month available to spend on anything are two different things. I mean he may have 4k that he could do with as he wishes every month but depending what type of business they have there maybe overheads or other costs each month, insurance etc and not all the 4k might be profit …. It could be but with little information it’s hard to know

Fruitbat99 · 15/05/2025 20:10

Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 20:03

Hi all. I am a shareholder in the business. We’ve gone through some figures. He earns approx £4000 a month. He just doesn’t want to pay himself more than minimum wage otherwise he will get taxed. Every 3/4 months he will pay out a dividend from the business into the joint account and we will use that money for bills, mortgage and everything we may need. I have asked him for access to the business account - I already have a card and am able to use it to buy business related things. He says he knows a lot of people who work their businesses this way. I don’t know about this side of things as I have always been an employee rather than self-employed.

i have told him I won’t be putting all of my income into the joint account and the golden handshake is for my credit card. He can pay himself a dividend for his card. He was fine with it.

More than minimum wage? He's not even paying that! He's making 4k and is expecting you to pay off his credit card?

Tiswa · 15/05/2025 20:08

Not sure that is how everyone runs businesses is a good enough reason. It sounds as if he is trying to avoid paying tax without actually knowing what he is doing

Original poster
Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 20:05

Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 20:04

I’ve always paid for my credit cards from my income from work.

Show quote history

Sorry - as in my work that was not the business. My DH hasn’t paid any of my credit card debt off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 20:04

Bustabloodvessel · 15/05/2025 19:55

Whilst I disagree that you should pay his CC how was yours paid whilst you were in mat leave or was that with what you earned from the business? Sorry if I’ve misunderstood

I’ve always paid for my credit cards from my income from work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 20:03

Hi all. I am a shareholder in the business. We’ve gone through some figures. He earns approx £4000 a month. He just doesn’t want to pay himself more than minimum wage otherwise he will get taxed. Every 3/4 months he will pay out a dividend from the business into the joint account and we will use that money for bills, mortgage and everything we may need. I have asked him for access to the business account - I already have a card and am able to use it to buy business related things. He says he knows a lot of people who work their businesses this way. I don’t know about this side of things as I have always been an employee rather than self-employed.

i have told him I won’t be putting all of my income into the joint account and the golden handshake is for my credit card. He can pay himself a dividend for his card. He was fine with it.

OP posts:
Bustabloodvessel · 15/05/2025 19:55

Whilst I disagree that you should pay his CC how was yours paid whilst you were in mat leave or was that with what you earned from the business? Sorry if I’ve misunderstood

ForRealThisTime · 15/05/2025 19:54

Coconutter24 · 15/05/2025 19:48

Sounds like he can afford more than £1000 but doesn’t want to pay the tax

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My guess would be that if OP isn’t a shareholder in the business he wants to hold as much value in that in case of a split. Or by keeping OP short of funds he is ensuring that she can’t leave should she ever wish.

He is using the business to hold money “safely” away from the family.

Bustabloodvessel · 15/05/2025 19:54

Clownsy · 15/05/2025 19:12

He's being a dick.
He also is trying to control and financially abuse you.

If I were you I would gather every bit of paperwork regarding the business, banks, pensions ....everything and take photos and email to a safe account.

I wouldn't trust him.

Ask him why he wants you penniless.
Contact Women's aid for advice.
I think you need to protect yourself.

That’s ridiculous, what an absolute overreaction!

Murdoch1949 · 15/05/2025 19:54

He sounds like he is very controlling, making decisions and expecting you to comply. Make your own decisions.

Coconutter24 · 15/05/2025 19:48

Fruitbat99 · 15/05/2025 18:33

1k a month isn't even minimum wage if he's working full time, if he can't pay himself this then the business isn't viable.

I dont understand relationships where there's no clue of the others earnings.

Sounds like he can afford more than £1000 but doesn’t want to pay the tax

Farmwifefarmlife · 15/05/2025 19:42

Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 17:30

Thanks for all your replies.

So I’m still a co-director of our business but I am no longer doing any work for the business so am no longer receiving any payment. My current full-time job is my only employment now. I don’t know what his monthly income is. He gets paid from several different agencies who commission his work. He is saying that he will put £1000 in to the joint account and after that he will have no money as the rest of his earnings will go into the business account for things like tax payments and then he will pay out some dividends throughout the year.

I will not be paying my earnings directly into the joint account. They are going into my personal account and then I will put in an amount that I feel is appropriate, otherwise I will have no savings of my own and no money to spend on things that aren’t for the family (clothing etc) however, I will end up putting in almost £1000 more than him each month.

He will throw an absolute fit if I tell him my £3000 will not be going on his credit card. I have been using it for petrol, food and stuff for our kids. I haven’t been buying myself stuff and treating myself to spa weekends! Which would be lovely, thinking about it.

He’s being a dick isn’t he? He also keeps saying things like ‘now that you’re working..’ completely forgetting that over the last 8 years I’ve had two kids, started a company with him AND worked part-time. It’s like he thinks I’ve been sat around doing nothing but using his credit card.

50/50 split on monthly payments. £1500 on each credit card. Yes he’s being a dick! You’ve been working and bringing up your children. He’s being unreasonable to expect you to suddenly be putting more per month in especially as he’s covered it before but now magically can’t!? Will he be employing someone to take over your role in the company?

Harassedevictee · 15/05/2025 19:31

@Financialthymes the thing that would concern me the most is you being a co-director of the company. There are legal responsibilities for being a director and I have read of other wives/partners who have been fucked over by thinking it meant nothing so didn’t take time to understand the business, accounts etc.

As a co-director you need to ensure you are legally protected by having full knowledge of the business, don’t let him fob you off.

Clownsy · 15/05/2025 19:12

He's being a dick.
He also is trying to control and financially abuse you.

If I were you I would gather every bit of paperwork regarding the business, banks, pensions ....everything and take photos and email to a safe account.

I wouldn't trust him.

Ask him why he wants you penniless.
Contact Women's aid for advice.
I think you need to protect yourself.

Fruitbat99 · 15/05/2025 19:07

Rhaidimiddim · 15/05/2025 18:44

Agree. He's a dick.

Show quote history

A massive, tight arse, greedy dick.

Rhaidimiddim · 15/05/2025 18:44

Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 17:30

Thanks for all your replies.

So I’m still a co-director of our business but I am no longer doing any work for the business so am no longer receiving any payment. My current full-time job is my only employment now. I don’t know what his monthly income is. He gets paid from several different agencies who commission his work. He is saying that he will put £1000 in to the joint account and after that he will have no money as the rest of his earnings will go into the business account for things like tax payments and then he will pay out some dividends throughout the year.

I will not be paying my earnings directly into the joint account. They are going into my personal account and then I will put in an amount that I feel is appropriate, otherwise I will have no savings of my own and no money to spend on things that aren’t for the family (clothing etc) however, I will end up putting in almost £1000 more than him each month.

He will throw an absolute fit if I tell him my £3000 will not be going on his credit card. I have been using it for petrol, food and stuff for our kids. I haven’t been buying myself stuff and treating myself to spa weekends! Which would be lovely, thinking about it.

He’s being a dick isn’t he? He also keeps saying things like ‘now that you’re working..’ completely forgetting that over the last 8 years I’ve had two kids, started a company with him AND worked part-time. It’s like he thinks I’ve been sat around doing nothing but using his credit card.

Agree. He's a dick.

Tiswa · 15/05/2025 18:44

So there is no transparency in money and no acceptance that food/petrol/kids stuff is his responsibility
that said the fact you went into debt over these as well says a lot

you need a long hard conversation about money incomings and outgoings

Fruitbat99 · 15/05/2025 18:33

1k a month isn't even minimum wage if he's working full time, if he can't pay himself this then the business isn't viable.

I dont understand relationships where there's no clue of the others earnings.

GabriellaMontez · 15/05/2025 18:08

If he'll throw a fit at you paying off your cc then he sounds like a dick.

But without knowing what he's bringing in a month, it's very hard to know what's 'fair'. Perhaps he could show you the accounts.

And if he doesn't want to show you, then stop sharing details of your own finances with him.

ForRealThisTime · 15/05/2025 17:52

Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 17:30

Thanks for all your replies.

So I’m still a co-director of our business but I am no longer doing any work for the business so am no longer receiving any payment. My current full-time job is my only employment now. I don’t know what his monthly income is. He gets paid from several different agencies who commission his work. He is saying that he will put £1000 in to the joint account and after that he will have no money as the rest of his earnings will go into the business account for things like tax payments and then he will pay out some dividends throughout the year.

I will not be paying my earnings directly into the joint account. They are going into my personal account and then I will put in an amount that I feel is appropriate, otherwise I will have no savings of my own and no money to spend on things that aren’t for the family (clothing etc) however, I will end up putting in almost £1000 more than him each month.

He will throw an absolute fit if I tell him my £3000 will not be going on his credit card. I have been using it for petrol, food and stuff for our kids. I haven’t been buying myself stuff and treating myself to spa weekends! Which would be lovely, thinking about it.

He’s being a dick isn’t he? He also keeps saying things like ‘now that you’re working..’ completely forgetting that over the last 8 years I’ve had two kids, started a company with him AND worked part-time. It’s like he thinks I’ve been sat around doing nothing but using his credit card.

Oh lovely, he’s being a total and utter arse. It’s not up to you to pay him back, this is just how families work. What is the ownership structure of the company?

Do what you can to keep the peace, but I’d be saving as much as you possibly can to give yourself some options.

Original poster
Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 17:30

Thanks for all your replies.

So I’m still a co-director of our business but I am no longer doing any work for the business so am no longer receiving any payment. My current full-time job is my only employment now. I don’t know what his monthly income is. He gets paid from several different agencies who commission his work. He is saying that he will put £1000 in to the joint account and after that he will have no money as the rest of his earnings will go into the business account for things like tax payments and then he will pay out some dividends throughout the year.

I will not be paying my earnings directly into the joint account. They are going into my personal account and then I will put in an amount that I feel is appropriate, otherwise I will have no savings of my own and no money to spend on things that aren’t for the family (clothing etc) however, I will end up putting in almost £1000 more than him each month.

He will throw an absolute fit if I tell him my £3000 will not be going on his credit card. I have been using it for petrol, food and stuff for our kids. I haven’t been buying myself stuff and treating myself to spa weekends! Which would be lovely, thinking about it.

He’s being a dick isn’t he? He also keeps saying things like ‘now that you’re working..’ completely forgetting that over the last 8 years I’ve had two kids, started a company with him AND worked part-time. It’s like he thinks I’ve been sat around doing nothing but using his credit card.

OP posts:
ForOliveMember · 15/05/2025 16:17

The business is also yours? You are co director? Your name on the paperwork etc? So essentially he isn't hiding money from you?

TryingToStayAwake88 · 15/05/2025 16:10

We put all of our money into one account and then pay everything from there. We're a team and share money rather than it being one person or the other. I'm a sahm but I facilitate my husband working so it's not his money but ours. We have a joint credit card which is paid off from our income. But it sounds like your husband doesn't believe in sharing or being part of a team. I think you need some decent conversations to agree how you work together rather than dividing up money. Or keep money seperate and start a fresh with this new start

Clownsy · 15/05/2025 16:08

Sounds like he wants to make sure he has oversight of every penny you have while you have little idea of his income?

Am I reading this wrong?