Not sure what I’m looking for really – maybe just a place to let it out. DS (10) was permanently excluded from his private primary 2 weeks ago. He’s in Year 5. I’m absolutely broken over it all, been carrying the weight alone for years and just needed somewhere to write it all down.
He’s my youngest. My older two are adults now, so it’s just me and him at home. I left his dad when DS was 6 months old due to DV — we’ve had no contact since. No family around to help either, it’s just been me.
Baby – Toddler Year
• From day one he was hard work. Screamed constantly, barely slept, hated being held one minute then wouldn’t let go of me the next.
• Wouldn’t tolerate the pram or car seat, always squirming or screaming.
• Very sensitive to noises and textures — would cover his ears at the sound of hoover, hairdryer, hand dryer etc. Hated tags in clothes, refused to wear socks properly.
• Language was a bit delayed but then caught up fast. Seemed bright in some ways — could remember facts and songs — but would have wild tantrums over the smallest things.
• Very aggressive when overwhelmed — biting, throwing things, screaming.
• Toilet training was a nightmare. Didn’t come out of nappies properly until nearly 5. Still had daily accidents at 6. Still having them now, at 10.
Reception – Year 2 (Mainstream state school)
• It was clear early on that school wasn’t the right fit.
• Would get overwhelmed easily — especially during assemblies, transitions, PE.
• Started masking a lot at school but would explode at home — I’m talking full-blown meltdowns every day after pickup.
• Would lash out at me, throw furniture, scream for hours. Couldn’t handle any change — if his shoes were wet or the wrong dinner was made, the day was over.
• Still wetting and soiling at home and wouldn’t wipe properly. We had to start using pull-ups again some days.
• Referred to CAMHS at 7 but we were discharged after one phone appointment because he “wasn’t showing signs of ASD”. GP said keep a diary.
• Applied for EHCP twice, both refused — school said he “managed fine in class” which was just him masking.
Year 3 – 4 (Still in mainstream)
• Things got worse the older he got.
• Started refusing to go in some mornings. Would cry, cling to me, sometimes hide in cupboards at school.
• Increasingly aggressive at home. Started hitting himself during meltdowns, screaming that he was “stupid” or “no good”.
• No friendships — other kids found him odd or too intense. He’d either talk nonstop about the Titanic or sit alone.
• I pushed for specialist provision but LA said he wouldn’t meet criteria without an EHCP. Specialist schools I contacted directly also said the same — lovely on the phone but all said “needs not complex enough for our setting”.
• By end of Year 4 school was saying they couldn’t support him long-term.
Year 5 (Private school – started Sept 24)
• Took out a loan, used savings, just wanted to give him a chance. They sold themselves as nurturing and small class sizes.
• He lasted a week before the issues started.
• Would sit under the desk, rock back and forth, cover his ears
• Had daily meltdowns — over noise, group work, being asked to write.
• Would throw books, shout, once pulled a display board off the wall.
• Constant issues around toileting — wet himself at school more than once, soiled a few times, refused to wipe and left mess in the toilets.
• They kept sending him home — not suspensions, just constant calls asking me to pick him up.
• By January they started saying “not the right environment for him” and started keeping him out of assemblies and PE “for his own good”.
• Last straw was 2 weeks ago — a child made a comment about him smelling. DS lost it. He threw a chair, hit the boy in the face, then locked himself in the toilet and smeared poo all over the walls.
• I got the call and was asked to collect him. Two days later the exclusion letter came. Permanent.
Home life now
• I’m honestly on my knees.
• His toileting has fully regressed. He wets himself daily and soils multiple times a week. Doesn’t wipe, sometimes hides dirty underwear, I find it in corners of the room or stuffed in drawers.
• He strips off when overwhelmed — today we were on the bus, he had a meltdown, full screaming and crying, then stripped all his clothes off in the middle of the aisle. I had to get him off the bus half-naked while people stared.
• Still co-sleeps with me. Wakes 3-4 times a night, screams if I’m not there.
• Eats with his hands, refuses cutlery.
• Will spend hours pacing and repeating things from YouTube or going on and on about disasters (Titanic, plane crashes etc).
• Can’t tolerate any changes — I bought different pasta last week and he had a 40-minute meltdown.
• Hates haircuts, nail clipping, even brushing teeth is a battle.
• Hits himself in the face when overwhelmed. Bangs head on walls or bites his hands.
• Has no social life — can’t cope with parties, groups, or even playdates. Doesn’t have friends.
• Some days he’s so lovely — cuddly, funny, clever with facts — but the next minute he’s screaming and throwing everything across the room.
• No diagnosis still. We’ve had so many “he’s just sensitive” or “you’re doing too much for him” comments from professionals it makes me want to scream.
• Applied for EHCP again with legal support this time. Still waiting. Been out of school 2 weeks and not a peep from the LA. No idea what we’re supposed to do next.
I don’t know where we go from here. I know he needs specialist support but no one’s taking us seriously. I’ve kept him going for 10 years on nothing but instinct and love but I’m exhausted. He’s not a naughty child. He’s a little boy in crisis and I feel like no one cares until it’s too late.
Thanks if you read all this. Just didn’t know where else to put it.