Anxiety with Forgiving a Cheater?

I’m really sorry you are going through this now. This was 15 years ago for me and I’m still married to him but I still have flashbacks, the marriage is really hard and I haven’t been really able to forget or actually trust- even though he has tried really hard (on and off) all this time. If I could turn back time, I wouldn’t take him back. My eldest wouldn’t have known any different but now they love their dad and I can’t leave because there’s never a right time when it wouldn’t be so bad for the kids.

It’s inevitable that you’re going to split up. Do yourself a favour and get it over and done with asap

I was in your situation almost exactly, except it was my mum I lost and my baby was sixth months. I know exactly why you feel you would do anything to keep him because you’re drowning and he is both the one who pushed you in and the one with the life raft. But please, years from now if you stay the emotions and hormones will have settled, and all you will feel is anger and resentment. You will probably have had more kids and it will be so much harder to leave. Do your pride, self esteem and your gorgeous baby the best favour ever and kick him out. You deserve so much better and you will be able to look yourself and your little one in the eyes and say you did the best for both of you. I am so sorry xxx

OP perhaps your anxiety is really your intuition screaming at you that this man is not to be trusted. His behaviour has spoken volumes. He didn’t care for you while you were at your lowest and left you to have sex with a woman in a hotel. No one would blame you for not forgiving him

Your poor child - this is what they will think is normal behaviour from their own father. OP - leave him, and i dont say that lightly at all. If you were your daughter, what advice would you give her if you found out this is what her husband did to her?

He's a disrespectful arsehole even without the cheating. Please chuck him out, you can't trust him.

No wonder you've got anxiety, i bet you'd feel a lot calmer without him around.

There is NO WAY in which you should minimise this OP, it is completely unacceptable behaviour from a man who is supposed to love you! Find your anger, he's not entitled to behave like this, even if HE thinks he is. Get rid of him, and the sooner the better, as the longer you let him stay, the more it will affect your mental wellbeing and self esteem!

I voted YABU for staying. Get a plan and get out.

The only way you should consider staying with him is if he’s truly remorseful and does everything in his power to earn back your trust. Even then it’s really difficult and I couldn’t manage it as like you, the anxiety is always there.

Im really sorry but this relationship is over. It will not bring you happiness. You will end up an anxious mess and resent him.

Get angry. Kick him out. Claim every penny you are entitled to from him. It’ll be hard but it’ll be worth it for your self esteem and sanity.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour. Do you want your child to grow up with a father like this in the home? You and your child deserve much better. I'm really sorry you are going through this.

Oh sweetheart, the pain of his betrayal is still fresh, still raw. Of course you are going to feel anxious (plus a thousand other horrid emotions). When my DH cheated, it caused me PTSD.

What you are feeling/experiencing is to be expected.

I'm sorry to say, but it doesn't really sound like your (twat) man is trying to make amends. He should be bending over backwards to make you feel secure.

I don't think he's a good guy or a keeper (sorry).

Oh op, I’m so sorry. Sorry you are going through this, and sorry your husband is a disgusting cheater. He has behaved way too badly to deserve forgiveness (IMO). I think you need space to reflect and think about the future. I do think you should get rid of this unpleasant man (I would, and did) but you need to come to the right conclusion for you.

This is so sad OP, it's no way to live your life. Could you go and stay with family for a while, you need some love and looking after away from this horrible man.

You are anxious because of his behaviour. He is a piece of shit and if he cared at all about you he would be doing everything he could to prove himself to you. Getting back with him was a mistake, you will never be able to trust him. Leave and let your daughter grow up in a happy house with a happy mum x

OP, your anxiety is trying to tell you what you don't want to acknowledge: that taking this shitty excuse for a human being back was wrong.

Why are you wasting your life on this shitstain of a man? You deserve better. Find your anger and get rid. Being alone is far better than being with someone who has no respect for you, treats you like crap, makes you miserable and isn’t remotely sorry about it.

You poor love, what you have been going through is intolerable. I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely dad.

I understand your wanting to cling to your marriage, it's scary to imagine how your life would be as a single parent. But I promise you, it would not be worse than what you're enduring now. You are with a man who has cheated when you needed him most and told his affair partner that you mean nothing to him. This is so hurtful, so cruel and so uncaring, I think it's unforgivable. If you stay, you will have a lifetime of anxiety, depression and doubting yourself. That is until he leaves you for someone else.

You need to believe that you deserve better than this. You deserve better than him. He's a horrible man. You deserve someone who is kind and loving and appreciates you for who you are.

Please do think about leaving. Get support from your friends and your family. Taking the first step is scary but there is light at the end of the tunnel for you - and happy and peaceful life. Look after yourself lovely 💐

He has caused so much damage and behaved despicably. You will constantly be tortured if you stay in the relationship.
You need to separate and start to heal

Just leave, OP. You are worth more.

I'm afraid I too voted you are being unreasonable OP, but only because you accepted him cheating in the first place, and gave him another chance, after he cheated on you when you had only just given birth. He then continued with his affair, while you were in the process of adjusting to new motherhood, AND the fact that your poor Dad was about to pass away. He is the absolute scum of the earth to treat you like that OP, and he doesn't deserve you, or his child. What an absolute BASTARD he is!! Kick him out, and don't look back, he's not good partner or father material, and the sooner you face up to this the better. If you don't feel you can cope alone, would it be possible to go home to Mum for a while? Please don't continue to accept his cheating and his lies, you're worth more than that.

It's just so sad that you would even consider " forgiving" a man who thinks it's reasonable to have sex eith another women when his partner has just given birth to his child. And who is grieving the terminal illness and death of her father
Honestly OP you are worth so much better than this low life scum.

Just ask him to leave. Why face a lifetime of this crap?

He sounds like the absolute dregs. You might find the Surviving Infidelity website helpful.