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AIBU?

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Original poster

What to reply when people constantly ask when are you going to work/how can you afford to be off?

56 replies

Sockmate123 · 14/05/2025 17:24

Currently on a career break and I'm getting so many comments/questions like this. Do ppl that are permanent SAHP's get this? I'm loving being off tbh and would love to extend it!

OP posts:
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GLC789 · 14/05/2025 22:08

I extended my maternity leave to 2 years. 15 months of which is UNPAID. I'm fine with it. I planned it. But jeepers meeeeeee!!! The questions, the judging!!! People cannot seem to fathom that I made this choice.

Are you bored? No, I have a 1 year old, I am certainly not short of stuff to do
Do you feel your missing out in stuff you can no longer afford? No, I planned this time off, both financially and emotionally, together, with my Husband, who is happy to fund baby chino dates for life!

I understand it comes from a place of curiosity, but legitimately, one of my best friends (mo kids single) has asked me these questions nearly every month for a year now 🤣. It's tiring.

Original poster
Sockmate123 · 14/05/2025 22:03

Shinyandnew1 · 14/05/2025 18:39

Both kids have additional needs, DH works abroad alot.

If you know someone well enough to be telling them you don't work, I'd give them the genuine reasons! I presume you're not going up to random strangers in Tescos and telling them you don't work.

Today it was a nosey neighbour and receptionist at the beauty salon (lady in her 60's)

OP posts:
Original poster
Sockmate123 · 14/05/2025 22:00

ARichtGoodDram · 14/05/2025 18:28

I think i will just say I'm lucky to be off. Both kids have additional needs, DH works abroad alot.

You don't need to say that you're lucky.

You're looking after two children with additional needs. People questioning that should mind their own.

I have "well carers allowance is just sooo lucrative..." for anyone that pushes me, only had to use it twice and thankfully both shut up at that point (they are both aware of my DDs health).

I refuse to say that I'm "lucky" to be off - if I was lucky then my DD wouldn't need full time care and I would be able to work.

Gosh, you are so right! Thank you for posting. I didn't even think of it like that. I never do though and have a habit of letting people say shit to me 🙄 my kids needs aren't obvious so I suppose that makes it more difficult

OP posts:
fruitj · 14/05/2025 21:53

A lot of people at work asked me, when I took a month's parental leave. I think they were genuinely trying to work out if it was something they could do too, so I would have to explain they are entitled to request it but it is unpaid leave.
I just said "I have savings to cover the month off", which was true.

tinytemper66 · 14/05/2025 21:35

Mind your own fucking business…

LandSharksAnonymous · 14/05/2025 20:32

I’m about to take SUPL. I take it every few years for 2-3 months and often get asked how/why.

Last time, I told the nosy twat person that I planned to raise baby piranhas and then release them into the Thames as part of an operation for the CIA to fuck with our eco-system.

I’m about to go on another few months SUPL. I imagine my reasoning this year will be equally ludicrous. Perhaps starting a breeding programme for a crocodile/dolphin hybrid.

I could tell the truth (that I am literally raising baby sharks) but if people ask stupid questions, or nosy questions, they get stupid answers.

CheFaro · 14/05/2025 20:26

‘I’m having a giant nervous breakdown. Better step away.’

MidnightPatrol · 14/05/2025 20:26

‘I’m still deciding what I want to do next’

CandidRaven · 14/05/2025 20:25

I hate these questions, it's worse when someone who already knows my situation asks it, i answer with something vague like "my situation requires me to be home" no need to tell them why I stay at home it's not their business

Bananafofana · 14/05/2025 20:23

Move your kids to private school - lots of parents not working, many whom retired minted in their 40s, quite a few families where neither parent needs to work. Those ones fascinate me but I’m not rude enough to say anything! You must have to mix with some pretty rude people but you’ve got some good comebacks here.

UnhappyHobbit · 14/05/2025 20:18

This has made me think. Maybe people aren’t making lots of money by selling pictures of their feet… perhaps this is just a response to nosey people asking how they afford their lifestyle 😂

Willyourselfforward · 14/05/2025 19:20

“Luckily we are filthy rich”

Wiltingasparagusfern · 14/05/2025 19:11

“I’m an undercover agent for the women’s liberation army”

TakeMyLifeAndLetItBe · 14/05/2025 18:58

I say "I do work, I just don't get paid for it" when asked about being a SAHM.

latetothefisting · 14/05/2025 18:50

you know some nosy people! I took a career break last year and not one person asked how I was affording it!

4forksache · 14/05/2025 18:49

“I’m trying to drag it out for as long as I am able. I’m loving being off!”

vintagecrow · 14/05/2025 18:48

Sockmate123 · 14/05/2025 18:00

Some great replies thanks. I find it so nosey, someone said today, 'be honest you don't need to work' 🙄 as if we are minted (we are not!) Then another said do you not want to get back sooner 'for your sanity'. I suppose i should have replied, gosh do you think I'm insane 🙈🙈

I think i will just say I'm lucky to be off. Both kids have additional needs, DH works abroad alot. That's the actual reason but they just think I'm 'lazy' or 'rich'

So just say that then next time, what is the big deal? Ridiculous. Use your words.

greylamp · 14/05/2025 18:48

Or just say “my husband works hard- tell yours to work harder and you can do the same as me” 😂

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 14/05/2025 18:47

‘This works best for us as a family’ was my go to response.

ItGhoul · 14/05/2025 18:46

‘Mind your own business’ would be my reply to anyone who asked me how I could afford something.

Huckleberries · 14/05/2025 18:45

Localised · 14/05/2025 18:03

If its not someone who knows you closely I would honestly just lie and say I do work. The burnt out 60 hour work weekers can be very resentful of anyone doing less than them and sometimes it's just not worth the drama

Agree

I took two career breaks because I fancied it. If I'd bought a bigger home or new car I doubt people would have had so many questions. Some people can't fathom not working.

Happyeachday · 14/05/2025 18:43

You dont need or have to tell anyone anything op.
I dont work at the moment i have work in the past so its not like ive never done it.
But this is mumsnet and everyone earns hundreds and owns their homes and never buy used or cheap things and everyones married.

But yet every day a post about money i want or need more cm hes not paying enough.
He`s cheating im looking in his phone.
I cant cope with my kids for a day on my own la la la.

I dont work im on benefits and pip i dont need to tell anyone why.
I rent from a council and shop on temu.
Im also dirt poor to mumsnet standards but i get by ok.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 14/05/2025 18:41

Just tell them you're rolling in money and you absolutely love lazing around all day

PersephoneSmith · 14/05/2025 18:40

I get similar about money ‘how can you afford to go on so many lovely holidays, you’re so lucky’
I wish I could tell them all to mind their own business.

Shinyandnew1 · 14/05/2025 18:39

Both kids have additional needs, DH works abroad alot.

If you know someone well enough to be telling them you don't work, I'd give them the genuine reasons! I presume you're not going up to random strangers in Tescos and telling them you don't work.