Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This happened to me at the weekend and I feel ashamed I did nothing - Racism

432 replies

Changedusernameforthis2 · 14/05/2025 13:56

I was at a car boot sale at the weekend and there was a large stall there- that was a man and wife- selling 'fill a bag' type stuff - they were a house clearance company avoiding paying dumping fees I think

There was a lady there who was wearing a headcovering, she kept going behind the stall and they kept shooing her out
The man said in a sort of 'I'm muttering but loud enough for everyone to hear' way - he said "They're like rats, it might help if we stop giving them everything"
I was really shocked and just walked off but I feel really ashamed I didn't tackle it

What can I say if I find myself in this position again? I do not want to stand by and let it happen- I feel embarassed of being a coward

OP posts:
Original poster
Changedusernameforthis2 · 21/05/2025 10:39

Whatevernext9 · 21/05/2025 10:35

Your words are literally there for anyone to read.

Show quote history

This is waht I mean about the gaslighting!!

OP posts:
Whatevernext9 · 21/05/2025 10:35

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 10:32

I didn't claim nobody had the right to intervene, I said there are reasons why it's not always a good idea.

Show quote history

Your words are literally there for anyone to read.

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 10:32

Whatevernext9 · 21/05/2025 10:05

I don't think any of us have the right to tell others what we need to be doing tbh.

Of course nobody should be forced to intervene, but you claim you don’t think anyone has the right to do so. If someone sees you being attacked in any way they have ‘no right’ to intervene to stop the attacker.

Show quote history

I didn't claim nobody had the right to intervene, I said there are reasons why it's not always a good idea.

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 21/05/2025 10:17

ElsieMc · 14/05/2025 14:42

@familylawyer01392 Because SIL is from.the community. How do you know they werent? The eagerness to find a racial slur in a simple observation of intolerance.

Bigotry and intolerance works both ways.

The reference to rats to me was the same as the term tip rats. Not a nice terminology but not one applied to a person's race but a person's behaviour.

It's a well known dehumanising trope definitely applied to race.
What's your take on "we need to stop giving them everything?"
Which plays into the "immigrants gets everything for free" trope.
Unless your local car boots usually give their stuff away instead of selling them?!
😁

Whatevernext9 · 21/05/2025 10:05

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 09:50

Eh?
People can help if they feel they can, nobody should be forced to do anything.

Show quote history

I don't think any of us have the right to tell others what we need to be doing tbh.

Of course nobody should be forced to intervene, but you claim you don’t think anyone has the right to do so. If someone sees you being attacked in any way they have ‘no right’ to intervene to stop the attacker.

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 21/05/2025 10:03

User46576 · 14/05/2025 14:35

How do you work that out?

op - you can’t police other people’s speech. Try to be more tolerant. Maybe the man had some sort of racist intent or maybe he didn’t. The woman was clearly out of order. The man made a fairly mild comment not even to you. Why are you being so puritanical that you’re worried about it days later?

Show quote history

op - you can’t police other people’s speech. Try to be more tolerant
I never want to be tolerant of racism.
I hope others aren't too.

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 21/05/2025 09:59

ScrewedByFunding · 14/05/2025 14:18

Who did I think he was referring to?

Rude people who kept going behind his stall. What did you think he meant?

Show quote history

"It might help if we stopped giving them everything"
Does not that give it away a bit?
Are car boot stall holders usually in the habit of "giving everything" away?!
None of the ones I have been to over the years do that Confused
Who's "they?"
It's the lumping together of a minority as "they" into a negative that always happens with some.
Playing into the "foreigners/immigrants get everything for free" trope too, nice 🙄
not saying she was either of those, just pointing out how some think when they see someone not white, it's disgusting
Nice bit of dehumanising as well.
Rats.
😡
Same old minimising and dismissing on here as usual though. 🙄

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 09:50

Whatevernext9 · 21/05/2025 09:49

Good God, I hope you never need the help of passers by and they all have the same attitude as yours.

Show quote history

Eh?
People can help if they feel they can, nobody should be forced to do anything.

Whatevernext9 · 21/05/2025 09:49

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 08:28

I don't think any of us have the right to tell others what we need to be doing tbh.

Show quote history

Good God, I hope you never need the help of passers by and they all have the same attitude as yours.

Whatevernext9 · 21/05/2025 09:47

Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2025 08:35

The context is the crowd of people at his stall, surely? Those people are the ‘they’.

I’m not saying it wasn’t racist, just that his comments can be explained in the context described as being made towards the crazed crowd around his stall all trying to get their hands on free stuff, and this woman in particular who was going around the back of the table despite being told not to.

Show quote history

Where did you get the ‘crazed crowd’ from? Didn’t see OP mention that anywhere.

Whatevernext9 · 21/05/2025 09:46

Digdongdoo · 21/05/2025 08:15

OP you're getting a good glimpse into how many closet racists and racists in denial there really are...

I was thinking the same thing - I’ve learned a lot on this thread about the sheer will people have to ignore racism and create alternate realities to do so. It’s quite astounding but genuinely informative what people will say with anonymity.

Original poster
Changedusernameforthis2 · 21/05/2025 09:20

I was there and this was definitely a race based comment. Other people thought so too, as I stated in a PP

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2025 08:35

Communitywebbing · 21/05/2025 08:29

Maybe but ‘them’ without context is very often part of a racist comment.

Show quote history

The context is the crowd of people at his stall, surely? Those people are the ‘they’.

I’m not saying it wasn’t racist, just that his comments can be explained in the context described as being made towards the crazed crowd around his stall all trying to get their hands on free stuff, and this woman in particular who was going around the back of the table despite being told not to.

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 08:29

Digdongdoo · 21/05/2025 08:15

OP you're getting a good glimpse into how many closet racists and racists in denial there really are...

Or how many people don't want to risk their own safety, just to speak up for someone who was behaving in a very disrespectful way to start with.

Communitywebbing · 21/05/2025 08:29

Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2025 08:07

Tbf, it could be either.
Especially as we now know he wasn’t selling anything, but actually giving his stuff away. That could have been what he was referring to when he referred to ‘giving them’ everything.

Edited
Show quote history

Maybe but ‘them’ without context is very often part of a racist comment.

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 08:28

nomas · 21/05/2025 08:12

We all need to be on the look out for racist behaviour.

If I saw someone being called the ‘n’ word of the ‘p’ word, I would absolutely report that racist fucker to the police if I could.

And the police would take it seriously.

Show quote history

I don't think any of us have the right to tell others what we need to be doing tbh.

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 08:27

Digdongdoo · 21/05/2025 08:10

Yeah, we should all just ignore everything. That'll help. Fingers in ears and bigotry vanishes.

Show quote history

I didn't say that, but you know that already.

Digdongdoo · 21/05/2025 08:15

OP you're getting a good glimpse into how many closet racists and racists in denial there really are...

nomas · 21/05/2025 08:12

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 08:09

It's not up to you to decide what he meant, or police other's language, no matter how much you don't like it.

Show quote history

We all need to be on the look out for racist behaviour.

If I saw someone being called the ‘n’ word of the ‘p’ word, I would absolutely report that racist fucker to the police if I could.

And the police would take it seriously.

Digdongdoo · 21/05/2025 08:10

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 08:09

It's not up to you to decide what he meant, or police other's language, no matter how much you don't like it.

Show quote history

Yeah, we should all just ignore everything. That'll help. Fingers in ears and bigotry vanishes.

nomas · 21/05/2025 08:10

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 07:49

I didn't say it justified anything, but it is part of what happened. Painting the woman out to be perfect isn't realistic.

Show quote history

Good people speak up (or want to speak up) when they see racism. If this isn’t you, move along, but don’t discourage good people from speaking up.

Koalafan · 21/05/2025 08:09

Changedusernameforthis2 · 21/05/2025 08:04

I think people are spectacularly missing the point. Whatever ONE woman did , it does not justify the comment 'They' (meaning everyone from her ethnic group) 'are like rats' (known racist trope)

It's not up to you to decide what he meant, or police other's language, no matter how much you don't like it.

Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2025 08:07

Communitywebbing · 20/05/2025 22:53

"They're like rats, it might help if we stop giving them everything" doesn't describe the behaviour of someone going round the back of a car boot stall. It sounds like an attack on a stereotype of someone from overseas living in the UK and claiming benefits. Racist and deeply unpleasant.

Show quote history

Tbf, it could be either.
Especially as we now know he wasn’t selling anything, but actually giving his stuff away. That could have been what he was referring to when he referred to ‘giving them’ everything.

Original poster
Changedusernameforthis2 · 21/05/2025 08:04

I think people are spectacularly missing the point. Whatever ONE woman did , it does not justify the comment 'They' (meaning everyone from her ethnic group) 'are like rats' (known racist trope)

OP posts:
Original poster
Changedusernameforthis2 · 21/05/2025 07:59

I haven't painted her as perfect!!!!
I have said multiple times she was annoying

OP posts: